another marvelous dream

waking up at night i find the sound and movement of the natural breath at the driving wheel of the body and mind.

the ocean sound in breath as it comes in and goes out waves through the shores of the mind. the power within sands out all the mental roughness. all the inner eye can see is a deeply smooth lake surface. reminds me of the moonlit expansive water in the dream a couple of nights prior.

as a matter of fact i enter yet another dream as the gentle movement of the breath rocks me like a loving mother would her baby.

keeping the channel to inner self clear.

as another year of my meditation practice comes to an end i am getting myself ready for yet another great year ahead.

grand and great dream

i have this dream the night after taking the preparation for a special new-year-day event.

i find hwubby and me living in a big apartment in an ancient stone building. the amenities are simple and primitive but the space is grand, sky-high ceilings, made of huge blocks of beautifully textured stones. kind of dark and dim, though. but i can see the other apartments are much smaller and even more primitive.

this year's meditation on joseph's story. 38 m + 10 m

i ask rabbi lerner, in the prayer invoking ancestors, joseph is not included but in the text his story is in great detail relative to yitzak and yaakov, why is that?

meditating on idolatry. 38 m + 10 m

at sabbath dinner in rabbi lerner's house hwubby says, rabbi, please tell us about jesus from the neo-hassidic point of view.

o-me-o-my, an explosion of knowledge and opinions ensues.

my meditation practice is the goal in itself. 38 m + 41 m

this is a truly special holy-day gift. this is the gift i want.

no sooner than i began aumming i see with the inner eye that lord buddha is meditating in me. our meditation postures are one. with this vision an opening sensation quietly ripples through the body, synchronizing with the breath, and the mind expands into a serene realm.

what's the difference between psychotherapy and meditation?

today i have this subtle and marvelous experience in meditation.  my steady and stable easy lotus posture relaxes the body and calms the mind. i realize the posture, while being a fundamental in being able to sit comfortably for an extended period of time, is an attainment in itself. it took a while and some doing to set it in place. worth it? you bet.

as i revel in the relaxing sensation gently massaging the tightness lodged deep in the neck and shoulder i recall something.

year end spiritual power scrub. 38 m + 9 m

i love a good party too but there's something magical about chanting, meditating, eating and laughing together with a bunch of dedicated yogis.

and it definitely kicks up another notch when there is high quality food like that which shivaa prepares.

why don't i remember dreams? 38 m + 7 m

i don't remember most of the dreams i have had. in fact for a long time, what i could remember, at best, was the quality of them. stuffed with worry, fear, anxiety, panic, smallness and their extended family.

so when rabbi lerner asks us, why don't we remember dreams, i really perk up my ears because i don't know and i want to know.

meditating on yosef's story. 38 m + 9 m

i still can't get over what a fantastic torah study we have on yosef's story. not only do i have a great teacher in my rabbi learner, i have this bunch of thoughtful and bright congregants (my beyttikkuners, and o-me-o-my they can be so funny too.)

who knew "grab bag" can be such spiritual opportunity?

i love it. it's sooo fun and sooo spiritual. it turns up the heat on gifting and kicks it up another notch.

i am a little flea.

on our way home with a belly full of yummy latkes and the mind filled with the brilliance of a fully lit menorah, hwubby says, out of the blue, so i guess there will always be some mystery about life, right?

meditating on chinese mind, american mind, calling mother. 38 m + 6 m

it's been a while since the residuals of guilt, suspicion, distrust, regrets appear in the mind. and here i am, while reveling in the nourishing sound of aum sweetly and kindly reverberating in the steady and easy breath that is irrigating everywhere in the strong and upright meditation posture, i watch these old habitual tendencies misting my consciousness.

yawning crazy and then...guiding spark

the body goes through a few twists and turns before i could coax it to get up. it is a yawning orgy. yawn to tears, yawn till the body is all stretched out head to toe like a ball of dough rolled into flatbread, yawn like the jaws are about to break, yawn and tremble and uttering sounds shooting up from the base of the guts. not a pretty sight.

i am. possibility of possibility. probability of probability. 38 m + 13 m

i am...i am..i am... it goes on and on uninterrupted. it is what i hear through a soundless voice as the chest gently bellows in and out, imbuing my body and mind with subtle throbs.

and a realization comes.

i am a perfect moon reflecting the sun. 38 m + 19 m

for the record for future reference, it has taken 3 days after the travel to portland to return to my home meditation practice rhythm. it was like that for the previous trp as well.

this is precious knowledge. now i know there's no cause to worry when, during the first 3 days upon return, i can't get up as early as i'd like. there's nothing wrong with the body not budging. it's taking its time to do its thing. right, my intelligent body? and there's no need to panic when the mind, in the dark winter night, goes, o, i can meditate just as well lying down. it's just some residual habitual tendency. let it come as long as i let it go.

what is the real chanukkah miracle?

on the way home after the best ever chanukkah party with our fellow congregants hwubby says, i think the real miracle is recognizing what we have is enough.

a new tradition is born. happy chanukkah.

come to the first night of chanukkah after a day of busy airport, full flight, stormy weather. i look at the low, dark sky. i can see the old habitual tendency that drags the body and mind to go down lurking in the periphery of consciousness.

i always have what i need. my inner self.

didn't time today's meditation because hwubby was still asleep. i groped around in a dark hotel room, only did the bare essentials so i could sit in an easy lotus posture.

here's the amazing thing.

thank you, my pragmatic and wise inner self. 38 m + 3 m

i'm sitting in a swivel chair to meditate. the practice of aumming really helps greatly to adapt my home practice into a hotel room setting. the sounds and extended resonance firmly and gently lead my body and mind to settle into the vibrant sweetness circulating in the steady, easy breath.

meditating on "sounds of silence" 38 m + 13 m

i'm reconstructing today's meditation experience from notes because network was down for most of the morning.

bad? yeah. really? i don't know.

the mind is on a seesaw for a little while and then a laser-sharp prompting cuts through. turn on hbo.

seeing stars in unexpected places. 38 m + 38 m

hwubby says, go look out the window, the sunrise.

it's frigid outside. who knew we could have a view of sublimely delicate dawn colors from a comfy bed in a nice and warm room?

equally unexpectedly the gray cityscape is dotted with stars. they are lights from several offices. but from this simple eye they are just as twinkly and sparkly.

sharpening discrimination in a hotel room. 45 m

aumming and meditating in a cozy, charming (in real estate vocabulary, these adjectives are for small properties.) hotel room in portland, oregon.

it's a fun challenge to work around a meditating hwubby as i prepare his ginger tea and oatmeal a couple of feet away.

what are we doing to our kids?

i don't know how long i meditated today because i forgot to turn on the timer. why? i guess my mind is still going through after-shocks after this: i was robbed by 2 girls, claiming they have a gun, in broad daylight on a main street.

they look...just like kids.

afghanistan. obesity. 38 m + 7 m

in my meditation today i see a young, bright, great person who is also obese. now the doctors are saying they have found cancer and surgery is what they recommend.

i know immediately this is related to my thoughts on the president's afghan speech. 2 reasons. he used the word 'cancer' to describe the taliban situation. secondly, but equally if not more important, i've been thinking what it means for the greatest country on the planet and the richest country in the history of mankind having obesity as the most serious health challenge as a people.

lonely no more. 39 m + 37 m

what's the most awful feeling? for me, it's loneliness. the horrific impact it can have on my state of consciousness sends chills and shudders through me even just faintly remembering it used to control how i lived.

not anymore.

experiencing intelligence in the body. 39 m + 13 m

i awake. the body is still. it is light, alive. the mind is calm and clear.

i find my whole being filled with the sense that i am experiencing the innate intelligence of the body. the body is sending me a message and it goes, i'm just taking the time to wake up.

breath is my yellow brick road. 39 m + 13 m

i never know when an answer to my question might come from.

case in point. i went about my day yesterday with a question lingering in consciousness. why is it still so hard to get up in the morning? i made sure the tone didn't carry any trace self-beating. i acknowledged that i had come a long way but it was obvious that there's still work to be done. all i want is to dig deeper, know better so i can do better in the coming mornings.