moosewood banana bread and inner self

i thought i had perfected wheat-free, gluten-free banana bread. really. until i see the recipe from the moosewood cookbook.

by the way, the edition i have is itself a work of love. really. ms molly katzen compiled, editied, illustrated and hand-lettered the whole thing. seriously. she even hand-wrote cross-references of main ingredients. i am simply in awe of it. its loveliness and sweetness come off the pages. her pure heart, golden dedication touch my heart. this is a bundle of joy.

what about the recipes? say, banana bread. here's a tweak that puts me in disbelief. '2 cups mashed up ripe banana soaked in 1 cup strong black coffee.'

first of all i don't drink coffee but, over the last several months, i've been requesting hwubby to bring home all those single-cup-brew hotel packages whenever he does a work travel. part of me goes, what are you doing, suk wah, hoarding? is this residual tendency from poverty consciousness? but i just have this feeling from deep within that i can't let go of them. not just yet.

it all becomes clear when i see the moosewood banana bread recipe calling for strong black coffee. i say, i'm ready to go. so i make a cup of coffee with 5 single-cup-brew bags. let it cool, put in the mashed up banana, cover it, put it in the fridge and then go to bed. in the morning i strain out the coffee, let the mashed banana sit in the fine sieve and gravity does its thing while i work through the other parts of the recipe.

i don't know if this is the cause but this banana bread surely is the best ever. texture is more refined. sort of al dente. the little bite and bounce to the teeth is delightful. contrasts and balance the walnut bits just right. the subtle sweet taste has a roundness and fullness to it. the last teeny bit of soda taste is totally gone. flavor is a little richer. yet it is lighter.

salutations to ms molly katzen. and salutations to my inner self. i'm so glad i listened to you and saved up all those coffee.

three mice so far, at least. 45 m + 22 m

here's the latest mouse count. one resting in peace among the roses, one (at least one) scratching crazy behind the steel wool barricaded kitchen cabinets, and one in the house. yes, i saw it while i was putting together a banana bread dough and my chai at 4 am and periodically banging on the counter and cabinet walls attempting to shoo away the scratching one.

how did i feel? initially i felt terrorized. then, a thought surged with phenomenal power. it absorbed my attention. i'm not going to abandon my banana bread and chai. yes, i am scared. no. 'being scared' is not what i am. i see and feel fear but i am not allowing it to stop me from doing what is necessary and important.

year end spiritual power scrub. 38 m + 9 m

i love a good party too but there's something magical about chanting, meditating, eating and laughing together with a bunch of dedicated yogis.

and it definitely kicks up another notch when there is high quality food like that which shivaa prepares.

it puts the demons to sleep 38 m + 10 m

the extended soundless resonance mmm buzz and throb tangibly in the hands and fingers.

i feel vividly the ligaments and tissues that hold the joints together relaxing. a living, breathing, warm sweetness rush into the spaces thus opened up. a gentle, caressing pulse waves through the body. the sense of enoughness is more than enough to marinate the vast field of consciousness into a state of vibrant contentment.

on the way home from our sadhana circle last night, shrileka, ever devoted and steadfast on the yogic path says, yeah, i'm doing all these things that i never had time to do or didn't think i would like to do, i feel so free. i say, sounds like you are not attached to the outcome, you are freed up to enjoy the moment totally.

a bunch of drunks, joyous drunks

there we are, 7 of us, singing aum in shivaa's heavenly living room after a sumptuous yet light supper prepared by...shivaa, of course.

that butternut squash soup infused with lemongrass is satisfying and so light. the salad is spectacularly choreographed with roasted walnuts, soy beans, beet, baby greens, pomegrenate and nectarean comice pear. a meal fit for a king.

i digress.

just when i think it cannot get any more awesome i realize i am in a grand ocean of sound, a symphonic universe of sweeping musical arcs sparkling with delicate, exquisite harmonics.

without a doubt i am in a world outside of linear time with no horizons in sight.

then we meditate. every cell of my body is soaked in a rich marinade of resonance. i can just keep sitting like this on and on.

but then i remember banana bread. yes, i bring along my knock-out wheat-free, gluten-no banana bread. nalini says no. she is gorgeous, tall, slender, blonde and so disciplined. but then she gets curious hearing all this ooohs and aaaahs around her. she takes a bite, she says, o my god, and off she goes to help herself to a piece. she says, how do you get it to be so moist, you are a gourmet cook.

well, i am trying not to bloat my ego up but i have to say my banana bread enriches, enhances and expands my state of consciousness.

why do i say that? well, as we chant an evening hymn after dessert i am afloat in sweet bliss. a light and moist sweetness.

laura, always regal and elegant, says, we are a bunch of old drunks. i say, drunk, yes, old, i don't agree, may be ancient, may be timeless:) laura smiles and says, definitely joyous.

a bunch of joyous drunks? i am happy with that.

meditation is a joy in itself. 38 m + 44 m.

i think i can fairly and safely say i can get out of bed by 3.30 and not feeling horrible. on the contrary i feel light and awake and sheltered within. the mind is quiet, basting in a marinade of buzzing contentment.

as i go about getting the whole oats (no, not steel cut, that's so yesterday for me) cooking, grinding chai spices, i see an opening of a couple of minutes. i seize the moment and measure out the dry ingredients for another batch of my knock-out delicio-so gluten-no, wheat-free banana bread. it is fascinating to watch how my state of consciousness is expansive, open while subtle and sensitive, all at the same time, all within me.

sitting meditation has now become a joy in itself. who cares if i don't see thunder and lights and visions?!
together with singing aum, i am flying. i'm ready to rock and roll.

who knew just sitting quietly could be so much fun? i didn't. now i do.