there's no place i'd rather be on tuesdays.

several times today i drop out of aum-ing and into the inner world of exquisite silence. i see no outer edges, no bottom. there's the feeling that i can go as deep and high as i can into the source of joy within. by the time i utter the last round of aum my awareness is thoroughly reveling in the tenderly sweet movement and sound of the easy breath.

without a doubt i know this is the spillover effect from doing the practices with my spiritual buddies last evening. there we were sitting in the comforts of shivaa's divine house anad chanting the sacred text from vedas, the same scripture that prince siddhartha heard the brahmins chanting in the palace. every syllable throbs powerfully with pure kindness in my entire being. there's phenomenal alchemy in chanting holy text with dedicated yogis. the collective power of pure intention helps me to connect a little stronger with the supreme self which is no different from my inner self. riding on the waves of sublime resonance that transcends the linear passage of time the self of me and the buddha are one.

the spread of food that shivaa prepared was yummy scriptures. the salad, with greens all from her garden, enhanced all that holy power we gathered from the chant prior. with a touch of fennel, arugula, mango chunks, roasted cashew and golden raisins, my stomach is full and light all at once. i'm like, hey, i can meditate and chant all night, let's go. she made this super-duper spring soup out of shittake broth throwing in fresh corn, finely shredded carrot, rice and turmeric. my soul is nourished and afloat in golden glory. and what about the cilantro pecan dip? what a delightful surprise to the palate. the flavor profile sweeps from clean, refreshing to rich, nutty. i love it. it really got me going for the meditation and chants to come.

last, but not the least, we were amidst shivaa's 200 wildly blooming roses. paradise out there somewhere? nope. it's right here.

i am truly fortunate to be in such marvelous company. there's no place i'd rather be on tuesdays.

dreaming bhagavan nityananda

after humming aum 36 rounds i keep going. at some point my awareness plunges into a place where i lose the sense of time. it's deep, rich silence. when i emerge from it i feel the physical and mental agitation that had been around since the day before is gone. thank you, my inner self.

part of my dream last night goes like this. i'm facing this person who's been the trigger of much mental turmoil. in the dream i find my body and feet lift off the ground until i am like one of those superheroes in a horizontal, ready-to-fly position. i place my palms touching and index fingers pointing towards the forehead of this person. i start repeating om namah shivayya slowly and loud with all my heart and might. i see tremendous churning of yellow muddiness below this person's forehead. the crown of her head is transparent. through it i see bhagavan nityananda, my great-grand teacher. at first i think it is a picture or statue. after a couple of rounds of the mantra he comes alive, turns to look at me and bursts into a huge smile. it is a marvelous, auspicious feeling.

i've never chanted om namah shivayya like this. and to see and be seen by my beloved great-grand teacher in this intimate way is priceless. no wonder i wake up feeling light, cool and centered.

meditating for a courageous friend

i dedicate today's meditation to a friend who just found out there's a tumor in her brain. this comes a few months after she buried her husband who fought cancer for several years. she doesn't want anybody to know about it. so i am quietly sending her support and blessings. may the vibration of courage, strength and tranquility continue to be with this person who always exudes joy, kindness and is so much fun to be with.

aum. peace. peace. peace. may it be so.

where structure and spontaneity rise and merge.

sleeping in 2 days in a row.

the mind is in some sort of suspension, in the middle of nowhere. i know why. the mind needs to get out of some old wiring and some new mental circuitry has to be put in place.

my editor says, your mind doesn't work in a cause and effect way, and it has to for the book to work. these heavenly creatures, monkey, pig, phoenix can't just keep popping out of nowhere. and what is quan yin's plan for her? these creatures' appearances must have a purpose in terms of quan yin's plan for suk wah in the book.

as i watch thoughts and reactions out of hurt pride and the tendency to defend ready to pounce i realize the cumulative power of my practices are lifting me out of the old way. i don't think i could have taken  the metaphor my editor lay out if i were not in a relatively quiet space within.

it's from einstein, my editor says as she draws a dog with its nose up against a wall. she keeps adding lines above and below the wall and the dog turns out to be on a step along a flight of stairs. the dog is trying hard to move forward, but the only way forward is up. einstein says, you can't solve a problem on its level, you must go up.

aaah. the mind has to go up. into the quiet space of the inner self, the source of all creativity, where structure and spontaneity rise and merge.

no wonder i feel drawn to sit down to sing aum and hum. seriously i am already seeing sparks popping up here and there. tiny but sparks nonetheless.

ashram schedule from ancient time. inner pandora. 38m + 10m

i say to my spiritual practice buddies, i described to swamiji what we do here, hymn to kundalini, hymn to rudra, omming, meditating, and so on and so forth, and swamiji says, this is ashram schedule from ancient time.

amidst everybody's hearty laughter shivaa says, did you tell her eating is the main thing?

inner self moves me to a wonderland. 39m + 18m

just when i am about to begin humming after doing the last round of aum japa i watch a fascinating thing happen. a subtle swooping motion swirls through me. it's powerful and gentle all at once. there's nothing scary about it at all. in fact i feel safe and secure. my easy lotus posture is stable and sturdy. the breath is easy and steady.

i sort of digress.

anyway, what happens next is a sweet surprise. i watch my mouth and jaw launch into one yawny breath after another. i also watch how effortlessly the back of neck stay long and relaxed. the overall effect is this. there are tensions lodged deep within the neck. each yawny breath reaches into the region a little further. some alchemy takes place. i can feel the stubborn tightening loosen creating space. now the breath can really flow through.

it's a wonderful state to be in. my inner self really knows what it's doing. i just have to stay open, stay out of its way.

every meditation is going into the unknown. 38m + 24m

here's what's so fascinating about meditation. i cannot predict if i'll dream when i go to sleep. but i'll definitely have an experience when i meditate. i just cannot predict what it will be.

every meditation is going into the unknown.  in this context i can see the impatience, restlessness, agitation, doubt are all extended family of fear of the unknown.

a year and two months of singing and studying aum later i notice that the sacred sound, particularly the extended resonance, has the ability to chip away at the fear of the unknown in all its forms and disguises. of course the inner self knows it. that's why i'm moved to do the buzz after finishing with aum.

this holy buzz is sort of like those smart little mice that somehow can squeeze through a tiny slit, get into a drawer, pierce the plastic and, one by one, munch up the grains.

this humming space is throbbing fearlessness.

grandeur of the universe within. 45m + 15m

it feels really nice to watch the aum sound roll out in high notes, low notes and between. the extended resonance hum and buzz and roam in the boundless universe within when all of a sudden i see this spectacular and wild light show burst into my awareness. i watch in awe the grandeur of the inner universe. i'm kind of like this penguin standing totally still in the deep of the polar winter with swathes, swipes and swirls of gorgeous lights of heavenly hues dance around it against the pitch black cosmos.

i watch the feeling of awesome contentment permeate my entire being which is spacious, open and throbbing with vibrancy. the mind, in silence, reflects all this in a beautifully pure manner.

without a doubt i hold within this body the source of all insights, courage, strength and so much more. it's a fantastic cosmos. and i own it. free and clear. how to keep it? free and simple. i meditate.

asilomar. refuge by the sea.

how long did i meditate this morning? about an hour. i didn't want to use the timer because hwubby was still asleep and we are in a room in asilomar, a retreat by the ocean. he was to give a 3 hour talk to the graduating class of a dental school right after breakfast. so the least i can do is to be quiet.

mouse returns. 42 m + 9 m

watching fear while steeped in the ocean breath and easy lotus posture as the subtle hum, the electric buzz permeate my awareness.

for so long i've wondered what it means to do what's right in spite of fear. now, because of a mouse, or mice, i really don't know, i get to experience it.

i gotta give it to the mouse for its resourcefulness. somehow it manages to return to the same pantry drawer and do its thing after hwubby and i thought we took care of it and checked and double checked.

humming mmm is my new habit. 41 m + 34 m

i notice a new habit is shaping up.

it all began at the beginning of the year. and spontaneously too. after i finish singing 36 rounds of aum, i would glide into humming the extended resonance mmmm. the buzz would build and build. it would fill up the arms, hands, until the fingers feel like living, warm water balloons bouncing gently.

soon molecules and cells from deep within the body respond and reverberate in sync. there's something phenomenally calming and settling about it. sweet too. 

god takes you, a haitian father prays. 45 m + 1 hr 3 m

13th day since the earthquake in haiti. as with the previous 12 days, i offer every sacred vibration in the garland of the divine sound aum and every timeless moment in the extended meditation to all in haiti, living and departed.

as you continue your journey in this world or the world beyond may you be guided by god's mercy and courage. may your global brothers and sisters keep sending in support in all forms, tangible and intangible, from all corners.

in the words of a father as he etches his son's name into the sand that is spread over the grounds of a cemetery in where he believes his son's body lie: god takes you, my son, one day we'll meet again. amen.

sacred burials in the cathedral of consciousness. 45 m + 16 m

7th day.

may the sublime sound of aum cleanse and purify all corners of haiti. may all departing souls in haiti bathe in the ocean of supreme consciousness.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/19/world/americas/19grave.html?hp

as i allow myself to rest into the extended resonance of the sacred syllable every cell in the body responds. i visualize every reverberation, every buzz, every tingle transform into a dignified and respectful crypt fit for the brothers and sisters in haiti.

may you all rest in the cathedral of consciousness.

may it be so. may it be so. may it be so.

invoking grace for the departing souls in haiti. 45 m + 9 m

today's meditation has a special and specific focus: invoking grace for the departing souls in haiti, may each one of you be at peace on your continued journey.

as i sing aum and plunge into the ocean of my breath i make a conscious effort to bring up the images brought to my attention by courtesy of the courage and dedication of many people from all corners of the globe. i take a moment to send prayers and blessings to each and everyone of my haitian brothers and sisters. i don't know any of their names. doesn't matter. they all have their own inner selves, as bright and big as mine.

time is elastic. 45 m + 17 m

for the third day i include my haitian brothers and sisters in singing aum and meditation.

for the third day i spontaneously slide into doing the nasal resonance before settling into the ocean of my breath.

for the third day i hear this from within, be light, be the light that you are.

with that i drop into the great deep of consciousness where time is elastic. hwubby says, last night i meditated 10 minutes, it was deep as can be, and this morning i meditated an hour, it was great and it didn't feel any longer or shorter than that ten minutes, isn't it something? it sure is something.

sucking bone, inner self. 45 m + 33 m

it isn't until i hear the timer going ugg-ugh-ugh that it occurs to me i drop out in the midst of singing aum.

truly it's a wonderful and marvelous thing. i'm filled with this buoyancy spiced with this robust buzz in the arms, hands and fingers. i feel so safe in the strong and sturdy posture. the comfort level is way high, beyond measure. the spine is a masterfully constructed column permeating delicious lights. at one point i remember two of my all time favorite eating pleasures: sucking the tiny bit of fluid between vertebrae and joints, extracting bone marrow. in fact, i just had a great time last night sorting through a big pot of soup of lamb shanks and fresh ginger that was cooked for six hours. i guess i could call that meditation in action:)

mmm...ng. ayer asher ayer. 38 m + 11 m

today, again, i'm even further drawn to the nasal resonance after the audible sound of aum is no more.

once i've gone through with the 36 pearls of my aum beads i'm just quietly filled with the steady sound of the ocean waves in the breath as it comes in and goes out.

and then the mechanism of the resonance happens spontaneously.

craving for the nasal resonance. 38 m + 15 m

as i go about my daily 36 rounds of aum it is clear that there is huge desire for the nasal resonance. how do i know for sure? well, after the last round, i sense some spontaneous actions happen: the back of tongue naturally arch up, the tip of tongue lightly touching the back of lower teeth, the mouth gently open, and i watch in amazement the humming tone reverberating in the nose and forehead. after a little while i can feel a gentle and steady hum buzzing all the way out there in the fingertips and toes and everywhere in between.

writing new apps for the mental circuitry. 38 m + 8 m

floating on little pockets of light.

yes, that's what's happening in the spine as i enjoy my steady and easy lotus posture.

what i truly love to eat is ancient food. 38 m + 6 m

i put in a little more effort to extend the nasal resonance at the end of aum a little longer.

after a few rounds it is evident that there is a steady, gentle buzz undulating from deep within the forehead between the brows.