i want to be like the pharoah's daughter

this is a special shout-out to the incredible wisdom of the cyclical design of torah study. i've been going to torah study for a few years. yet this is the first time it has come to my attention that pharoah's daughter consciously raises a hebrew baby as a hebrew. i mean, she could have hired an egyptian woman to nurse him but, no, she gets a hebrew nurse to suckle the child. she names the baby moshe explaining, i drew him out of water. really, what causes an egyptian elite woman do that? this is sort of equivalent to the mistress in a southern plantation raising a black baby as her son. what is she thinking? obviously she is not. she is moved by a force that is way bigger and stronger than the mind. compassion. and that is god shining through her. so brilliantly. so fully. there's no fear, no doubt, no second-guessing, no resistance. what would others think of me? will it jeopardize my privileges? she looks at the baby, and that's it. this egyptian woman is so open and receptive. it is clear to me that the divine power knows no tribe, no race, nor country borders, nor gender, nor class. no wonder i truly feel i am a hebrew because i am a boundary crosser. i am an israelite because i wrestle with god. i want to be like the pharoah's daughter. let the force of compassion move through me and go the whole distance. amen.

slave consciousness and habitual tendency

as the israelites wander through the wilderness again and again they say, to the effect, moshe, why did you take us out of egypt? being slaves is better than this.

in this simple mind this is a classic example of habitual tendency working. rabbi lerner says, you can take a slave out of egypt, aka narrow consciousness, you can't take egypt, aka narrow consciousness, out of a slave. so true. the slave circuitry is still very much ingrained in their consciousness. the new circuitry of being free people is fragile. what about moshe? he was raised as a prince. his mind is not gripped by slave consciousness. he is one-pointedly focused on following through yhvh's command. his faith is unshakable and unwavering. it's a good thing. but the bad news is he doesn't understand the workings of habitual tendency. he honestly believes that once the israelites are no longer slaves in the outer circumstances that's the end of it. oy-vay.

as far as i am concerned, the only way i know how to weaken the grip of habitual tendency on my thoughts, feelings and action in an enduring manner is to cultivate and strengthen the connection to the inner self. with each meditation i chip away at the habitual tendency another little bit. the tendency will come back but i will be in the driver seat.

my prayer on passover as an israelite.

i totally consider myself an israelite, someone who wrestles with god.

thank you, my dear yhvh, for getting me out of egypt, mitzrayim, a narrow place. now may i be granted the courage and clarity to get the inner egypt, a narrow consciousness, out of me. i want to have the kind of unwavering faith that abraham and moses possessed. i want my inner world to be free of the bondage of fear, anger, greed, foolishness. slave to tendencies no more. i want to see the force of healing and transformation flow through me unobstructed, no holding back. i want to be able to see that same power in everyone, everywhere. amen.

mmm...ng. ayer asher ayer. 38 m + 11 m

today, again, i'm even further drawn to the nasal resonance after the audible sound of aum is no more.

once i've gone through with the 36 pearls of my aum beads i'm just quietly filled with the steady sound of the ocean waves in the breath as it comes in and goes out.

and then the mechanism of the resonance happens spontaneously.

i am. possibility of possibility. probability of probability. 38 m + 13 m

i am...i am..i am... it goes on and on uninterrupted. it is what i hear through a soundless voice as the chest gently bellows in and out, imbuing my body and mind with subtle throbs.

and a realization comes.