raging fire. let slave consciousness go.

LA SHANA TOVA. now is the time for jewish new year. may the coming year continue to bring sweetness into you and you and me. sweetness in the bright and bold flavors of strength, courage, perseverance, intoxicating tastes of kindness, generosity. may the breath of yhvh flow into the unfoldments of life. may the merciful one bless us with the awareness to experience the breathing movement touching all that in our life, all that we may not conventionally perceive as pleasant, even all that the mind has been conditioned to think of as bad, unfortunate.

during this period culminating in yom kippur the rabbis say we have to do teshuva. what's that? we reflect on the past year, examine where we were off the mark, forget to think, speak and act from the place of our highest self, and we return.

for most of the past year hwubby was going thru rehab as a result of being hit by a taxi head on, incurring multiple fractures in clavicle, ribs and pelvis. he spent five days in icu, weeks in acute rehab and a full month confined to hospital bed at home. then came months afterward traveling in wheelchairs.

as i look at this pic all i can think of is this. IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH WORSE. as a matter of fact i recall when i got the call during which i was informed about the accident i clearly see i am in a moment of choice. i can go into the narrow consciousness of 'i'm the victim...why me...blah blah blah.' instead i see my attention dive with unwavering resolve into the opposite direction. That he is in god's hand and i just have to do the needful.

sometimes when we go thru airports with him in the wheelchair and i holding his cane i like to sway it like a baton. he would tease me, what are you doing, you think we are the multitude leaving egypt? i say, hey, why not, that's a good one. indeed, it's a great one. you see, it's hard to take the slaves out of the narrow land and it's even harder to take the slave consciousness out of us.

raging fire burns up dross and out comes pure gold. may we have the understanding to step into the challenge and allow our golden selves to shine forth fully. amen. may it be so. 

we are all gold

i'm all ready to meditate. the posture is ready. the intention is high. the breath flow is steady and easy. a thought comes. what do i meditate on today? in super rapid succession a bunch of possibilities shoot through the dark, velvety awareness like fireworks of meteors. i love all of them. i can easily meditate on any of them. i am just about to pick and choose when somehow something unexpected catches my inner eye. shema israel. i'm pleasantly surprised. there's a lovely, lyrical melody that goes with this central jewish prayer. spontaneously it is imbuing my hearing like sunset colors dyeing the cosmos.

my rabbi says, in his reading of torah, israel, besides meaning someone who wrestles with god, also indicates connecting with god, going straight to god. where do i find god? how about starting with...within. shema. hear. not just hearing with the outer ears. pay attention. get it in the guts. hear it from the heart. i listen to the song of the breath as it blossoms into an unbroken chanting of the prayer. the longing that is embedded in the melody reveals itself. builds and builds.

shema israel. adonai eloheinu. adonai echad.

the one who yearns to connect with god, get this. god is all the forces and powers in the universe. god is one.

in this way i have a fantastic, satisfying meditation. is it indian? yes. is it jewish? yes. the self is the same in all. multitudes leave mitzrayim, the narrow land, narrow consciousness. jews. egyptians. it's the same self after all. walk into a goldsmith's shop. many forms, shapes and sizes. i like this one, not that one. this one looks ugly. that one looks pleasing to the eye. yet, in essence, they are all gold. in essence, we are all gold.

ginger matzo ball. chow mein sandwich. tzadik.

just when i think we are not going to have a passover meal this year because we are wandering jew-neses, meaning we are traveling, things take a turn. we end up having spectacular passover food. and in the home of a tzadik, no less. why do i say joe, our host, is a tzadik? listen to this. he put up an ad to hire a dental assistant. a retired serviceman responded. the guy's training and experience was helping military doctors in the army. joe let him observe for a week. the guy said, i can do it, i want the job. joe said, how much do you want for salary. the guy gave a number. joe said, i can't do that, it's too little, you can't raise a family on that. the guy ended up working for joe for twenty-seven years. i can't take my eyes off joe as he is telling me and hwubby this. his face shines like the sun. his eyes sparkle like stars. he may be seventy-five years of age but there is this youthful vigor radiating from him. he teaches graduate students. he says, with a beaming smile, i love getting up in the morning and working with young people. joe is absolutely one of those people who says humbly and sweetly, i am not spiritual, while evidently living a righteous and full life. he walks the talk. he doesn't talk it. the rabbi says, the almighty does not require good intentions, the deed is what counts, it is what you do that matters.

now back to sue, his wife's, marvelous food. and let me not forget her friend of forty years. what's her name? i don't remember but her ginger matzo balls are forever imprinted in my consciousness. they are so good that this is all i can think of when i try to recall her name. oy, suk wah. as hwubby says, suk wah is all crazy around good food. anyhow, anyhoo, this is a lady who says with a relaxed smile, i did a small seder this year, thirty people. how many matzo balls did she make? six hundred. her mother used to make fourteen hundred just like that. how come german version of matzo ball has ginger? beats me. but it sure tastes fantastic. really kicks up that ball to lofty heights.

i am kind of dubious when i hear that there are bing cherries in the chicken. but a taste crushes my limiting thought. turns out the cherries suffuse the right balance of acid and sugar intoto the browned and red-wined baked chicken thighs and drumsticks. the sauce goes wonderfully with potato kugel. i prefer this way more than a tomato-based sauce. bright and vibrant roasted veggies complement the rich dishes perfectly. yin and yang are in balance. i almost can't stop myself from having more chicken but then i look at the sumptuously seasoned stuffed cabbage and i think to myself, why don't i have another piece of this, it's not everyday you get to have stuffed cabbage as yummm as this. besides i have to leave room for dessert. three macaroon cookies i have. fluffy and light as cloud. melts on tongue.

as i am totally preoccupied with eating tasty info fly around the dinner table. chow mein sandwich. chow mein burger. apparently the way to do it is 'chow mein without noodle.' upon first hearing my mind says, this doesn't make sense, mein is the chinese word for noodle. very quickly it makes total sense to me. take away the noodle the sandwich, or burger, is filled with stir-fried veggies and sliced meat. of course they make de-liish sandwich toppings.

i don't know if i get out of mitzrayim after a meal like this but i surely am more steeped in abundance consciousness.

ignorance is mitzrayim

hwubby and i are really having fun with this mitzrayim. to us it is no longer just a place, a physical location. rather it is everything that get our mind into that narrow, limiting, enslaving place and make us behave less than who we really are. and i mean, everything. for instance, i sent out friending requests to these two people and, somehow, this thought pops us. they will accept in no time. well, three days later. nothing. so i hear this thought come up. they don't want to be fb friends with me. and another thought. they don't like me. and more thoughts. they only want something from me, now they've got it, they don't want to hear from me anymore. blah blah blah. i tell hwubby all this. he has a good laugh. i start laughing too. come on, suk wah. having more friends don't add extra to your innermost self which is ever full anyway. having less friends, or even no friends, don't take away any of your innermost self which is ever full anyway. i say to hwubby, are you my friend? hwubby says, okay, okay, you are my friend. i am so happy. i take his cane. he is on his walker. the two of us start to get, i mean, dance, out of mitzrayim one step at a time.

get outta mitzrayim.

what is the essence of passover? why is something ancient relevant to me right now? once i find out the layers of meaning of the hebrew word, mitzrayim that is translated into egypt my love for passover has never looked back. really. check this out. a narrow place. narrow consciousness. where you are stuck in slave consciousness. hear this insight. you can take a slave out of egypt but you can't take the egypt out of him/her. i examine my own journey. so true. i have these fantastic experiences of who i am, courage, strength, joy, all that good stuff and so much more. yet, time and time again, because of limiting thoughts and feelings and emotions based in poverty consciousness which is none other than slave consciousness i behave like a lacking person who depends on others' mercy. and so i have to wander in the wilderness, build up that inner strength and clarity. after all, in the desert what else is there to see outside. not much. between the cosmos and sand i look within and, behold, i see what i am. i taste manna, throbs of sweet peace, waves of steady strength pulsing through my entire being. the hunger and thirst in body and soul are satisfied. so i say it again and again to myself, pass over mitzrayim, get outta mitzrayim. may it be so.

my prayer on passover as an israelite.

i totally consider myself an israelite, someone who wrestles with god.

thank you, my dear yhvh, for getting me out of egypt, mitzrayim, a narrow place. now may i be granted the courage and clarity to get the inner egypt, a narrow consciousness, out of me. i want to have the kind of unwavering faith that abraham and moses possessed. i want my inner world to be free of the bondage of fear, anger, greed, foolishness. slave to tendencies no more. i want to see the force of healing and transformation flow through me unobstructed, no holding back. i want to be able to see that same power in everyone, everywhere. amen.

what good does it do not to forget i am the inner self? 45 m + 15 m

for now it's taking me longer than i would like to get up. am i lazy? what is it?

here's what i observe. as i leave the state of sleep i am aware of nothing else but the sound and movement of the gentle, easeful breath. in that state i remember nothing else, i know nothing else, i want nothing else. i am this hungry infant latched onto the nipple and won't let go and if you dangle the biggest diamond in front of it it couldn't care less.

that is a sweet and quiet state without worry, anxiety, or any relative of fear. but it is so alive, pulsating with the inaudible buzz of life force. the silence is thrilling. the stillness is exhilarating.

and so it is not difficult for me to hold back the old tendency to yank the body out of it. i have no doubt that the intelligence permeating every cell and nucleus and mitochondron is guiding the body to move along at a pace that is just right for me. which is not move at all, not in a way that is comprehensible to the mind and senses, kind of like a glacier is moving all the time but not detectable to the human eye. but through the pure awareness bathing in the breath ocean i know keenly that the body is responding to the steady and unyielding momentum flowing through my breath.

this message appears quietly as i relish being aloft in the ocean sound and warmth of my vast consciousness. any moment you think you are not enough, you don't have enough, you are not good enough in any kind of way is the sign you forget that you are the inner self.

right away i hear the old mental tendency enslaved in mitzrahim, narrow, poverty consciousness, shoot back, o give me a break, what good does that do?

not missing a beat i hear the response from you know who, no it doesn't change the external circumstances of the challenges but it puts you right back into a state of cool, clarity and courage and you can take care of whatever that's in front of you that needs to be taken care in an easeful manner.

bingo. i get it, not in the head but in the depths of bones and beyond the mind. why, of course, being cool, clear and courageous is who and what i am, is my nature, my essence.

waves of refreshing energy wash through me. one by one, the tasks of the day come forth.

i say, body, are you ready? the body responds, yes. And so does the mind.

let's go.

meditating on yosef's story. 38 m + 9 m

i still can't get over what a fantastic torah study we have on yosef's story. not only do i have a great teacher in my rabbi learner, i have this bunch of thoughtful and bright congregants (my beyttikkuners, and o-me-o-my they can be so funny too.)

what is the real chanukkah miracle?

on the way home after the best ever chanukkah party with our fellow congregants hwubby says, i think the real miracle is recognizing what we have is enough.