meditating on yosef's story. 38 m + 9 m

i still can't get over what a fantastic torah study we have on yosef's story. not only do i have a great teacher in my rabbi learner, i have this bunch of thoughtful and bright congregants (my beyttikkuners, and o-me-o-my they can be so funny too.)

who knew "grab bag" can be such spiritual opportunity?

i love it. it's sooo fun and sooo spiritual. it turns up the heat on gifting and kicks it up another notch.

yawning crazy and then...guiding spark

the body goes through a few twists and turns before i could coax it to get up. it is a yawning orgy. yawn to tears, yawn till the body is all stretched out head to toe like a ball of dough rolled into flatbread, yawn like the jaws are about to break, yawn and tremble and uttering sounds shooting up from the base of the guts. not a pretty sight.

a new tradition is born. happy chanukkah.

come to the first night of chanukkah after a day of busy airport, full flight, stormy weather. i look at the low, dark sky. i can see the old habitual tendency that drags the body and mind to go down lurking in the periphery of consciousness.

lonely no more. 39 m + 37 m

what's the most awful feeling? for me, it's loneliness. the horrific impact it can have on my state of consciousness sends chills and shudders through me even just faintly remembering it used to control how i lived.

not anymore.

experiencing intelligence in the body. 39 m + 13 m

i awake. the body is still. it is light, alive. the mind is calm and clear.

i find my whole being filled with the sense that i am experiencing the innate intelligence of the body. the body is sending me a message and it goes, i'm just taking the time to wake up.

meditating on thanksgiving menu 39 m + 21 m

the moment i received the thanksgiving menu from my cousin chun yu, aka tommy in america, i'm concerned this morning's meditation will be a challenge. here's why.

i look at it and i go, this is a banquet from the ninth heaven of yumm-iosity. check this out.
- Butternut squash, leek & apple soup
- roasted Turkey
- grilled shrimp
- Cranberry, ginger & lemon chutney
- roasted beet, onion, and orange salad
- roasted potato with rosemary and mustard
- pumpkin coconut cake

what is grace really? 38 m + 8 m

can't think of a better way to wake up. there's only the soothing sound of the moving breath.

all that i am aware of is, really, there's no bounds to my consciousness. it's quiet, it's vast, it's...alive.

i am alive.

the body is totally still. it feels just right to allow it to move at its own pace in its own time.

the truth of the matter is i don't want to be anywhere else other than being in the nurturing womb of the breath.

as i am preparing for my meditation posture a thought appears in the clear, quiet mind. i know immediately what this is. the solution to a situation that has been hanging around for a while.

priceless resonance. mmm. 38 m + 41 m

i'm really settling into the extended resonance of aum.

the body is a bowl where the beginningless and endless mmmmmm swirls and twirls. the vibrato massages every cell of the body and marinades the entire consciousness.

the sense of comfort and peace is priceless. the mind is quiet, clear and strong.

the stormy situation unfolding over the last few days is beginning to wind down. i'm in a place where i can begin to assess and evaluate my response so far.

i think i am doing a fantastic job of returning again and again to the steady movement and sound of the breath and thereby grounding my mind firmly in the awareness of the self within.

the source of fearlessness and strength. and not to forget lightheartedness. from there i take care of every moment as it is.

the crown jewel is the knowledge that i am this source. i am the source of all this. aummm.

spiritual savings account. 9 m

as i'm in the midst of taking care of a stormy situation i notice the state of consciousness i am in.

it is calm, quiet and clear. i watch my breath flowing in and out in a steady rhythm, unperturbed.

strong too.

how do i know that? because i can clearly experience the mind, attention and awareness being firmly anchored in a concrete foundation of knowing that however the situation unfolds does not add to nor diminish my self worth.

i am grateful for the 24/7 guidance from the self within. i am also grateful for my determined efforts. i have been putting away into the spiritual savings account. this reserve is what is carrying me across now.

aummmm.

meditation is a joy in itself. 38 m + 44 m.

i think i can fairly and safely say i can get out of bed by 3.30 and not feeling horrible. on the contrary i feel light and awake and sheltered within. the mind is quiet, basting in a marinade of buzzing contentment.

as i go about getting the whole oats (no, not steel cut, that's so yesterday for me) cooking, grinding chai spices, i see an opening of a couple of minutes. i seize the moment and measure out the dry ingredients for another batch of my knock-out delicio-so gluten-no, wheat-free banana bread. it is fascinating to watch how my state of consciousness is expansive, open while subtle and sensitive, all at the same time, all within me.

sitting meditation has now become a joy in itself. who cares if i don't see thunder and lights and visions?!
together with singing aum, i am flying. i'm ready to rock and roll.

who knew just sitting quietly could be so much fun? i didn't. now i do.

living power. aum. 38 m + 11 m

this aum looks and sound simple but, o me o my, i find something about it awesome and amazing, and then some, everyday.

for example. the resonance mmm flows into the body in all directions. that i already know from experience before i sit down for today's meditation.

as i relish in the massaging power of the resonance that is riding on the breathing movement it dawns on me that it enlivens wherever it touches.

this aum is a living power. it is mine. i am aum.

my body is saying a resounding yes, yes, yes in all corners as far as i can see and hear. the reverberation throbs and buzzes in every part of my body, my mind, my consciousness.

this reverberation is, in fact, consciousness as close to the origin of life as can be.

direct knowledge is within. this is no longer something i read about. it is now my experience.

the sense of safety and security is truly enlivening as well as empowering. 

face to face with my own self. aum. 38 m + 8 m

each meditation is a face to face encounter with my own inner self.

i am doing nothing hard. i'm actually enjoying my self, relaxing in my hard-earned upright, steady, comfortable posture, allowing the spectrum of sounds in aum to flow to all corners of consciousness.

i am in awe of how vast i am. a open, bright being with no horizon in sight.

every now and then, sparks come to mind, illuminating the way to taking care of a worldly task. by now i am not even worried that i would forget it. i simply keep my attention on the breathing movement and the residual resonance of aum in the body.

the fingertips are like inflated balloons, pumped up with vibrant mmmmmm. feels good.

go forth. go into yourself. lech lecha.

in tanakh, the jewish bible, the first words avram heard from yhvh are lech lecha.

rabbi says, in hebrew they mean 'go forth.' but, as in other ancient languages like sanskrit and chinese, they have multi-level of meanings. these 2 words can also mean 'go into yourself.'

together, the sound of the words, the meanings and the unfoldment of avram's story, stir up waves of emotion tossed with realizaations.

this document, preserved and protected with selfless devotion by many, many people over the flow of three thousand years, is speaking to me across time, space, race and gender.

my eyes are warm and wet. in my simple mind, without a doubt, avram's story is also my story.

18 years ago, a few weeks after i met my meditation teacher face to face, an open invitation spread: you are invited to the upcoming birthday celebration in the teacher's hosue in the catskills.

when i hear it in hong kong where i was born and raised my gut reaction is immediate and imminent. it goes everything against how all the mental circuits are wired. the message is direct and crystal clear.

go. and you will never come back.

catskills? sounds like from another planet. meditation? what the heck has it got to do with life? no idea.


scary. difficult. painful. all of that. and then some.

the word 'hebrew' literally means 'passing over', 'crossing boundaries', 'crushing boundaries.'

just scanning and skimming the contours of circumstances and the dynamics of defining developments, i understand. i understand. i understand that in order for me to connect with the divine self within, to become established in who and what i truly am i have to be an ocean and continent away from the boundaries of traditions, culture and family.

the 2 meanings are the wings of a bird. to take flight it needs both.

scary. difficult. painful. all of that. and then some.

a fellow torah study student says, and when avram goes down to canaan as yhvh instructs, what does he find? famine.

wow. and yet avram's faith is unwavering. whenever yhvh calls, his response is always this: here i am.

may i have an iota of the faith of avram. go. keep going.

55 m, bye-bye anxiety

i have to come up with a creative solution to a marketing situation pretty quickly.

armed with experiences, i say, i'll meditate on it. what i mean by that is i hold the intention of receiving the solution from the self within, pray for the strength and courage to stay open, and then let it go.

by the time i awake this morning i have forgotten all about it. i am simply focusing on getting myself ready for meditation. above all, i am relishing in the sweet and fresh pre-dawn quiet.

i hear it. if not the solution itself outright it is definitely an illuminating clue. it is simple. it feels right.

i am doubly stunned. because the message comes when i am rigorously cleaning my tongue.

i am doubly blessed. because not only do i receive necessary guidance in a timely manner i am bestowed the experience of staying in the present moment while keeping the awareness radar screen in operation.

i need this. because this direct knowledge further weakens the tendency to project into the future, to worry.

bye-bye anxiety.