i am the crown jewel of all that i have

here's another teaching dream. this one goes like this. i'm sitting at a dressing table. mother is sitting next to me. all around me are people all dressed and bejeweled. i pull out the drawer in front of me. it is filled with jewelry. gold. jade. diamond. i take in the scene around me, feeling enough and contented. mother is saying, in a nagging way, wear it, wear it. i look at the glammed up people around me and look at all that i have in the drawer and think to myself in a calm and relaxed way, do i need to wear it? no. do i want to wear it? no. at that point i wake up.

as i share the dream with my study partner it dawns on me that i am the crown jewel of all that i have.

we just want to relax

there is a recurring experience in my meditations and it's in the body. the neck, shoulders and upper body would move, sway and twist. i would hear little crackles in the neck and upper back. i would let the rib cage expand and collapse in a long, slow pace, and i would relish in the sweet release in the outbreaths. often all this would be the bulk of what happen in meditations. nothing thunderous nor visionary.

today i sense a message from the inner self. there are body memory lodged deep in the neck and back muscles. keep offer them to the consciousness permeating the inner space. i ask, do i need to know what they are. inner self says, only if it helps you to let it go. then i recall a favorite swami of mine say about dealing with mental activity in meditation. 'it's like sitting by the river, watching the waters flowing by, and then you see stuff being carried along, things like rocks, broken branches, rotting leaves. do you really need to get into the water and dig into them? nope. just stay where you are, relax and let them go.'

that's it. the neck, shoulders and upper back are saying, we want to relax.

what's the difference between psychotherapy and meditation?

today i have this subtle and marvelous experience in meditation.  my steady and stable easy lotus posture relaxes the body and calms the mind. i realize the posture, while being a fundamental in being able to sit comfortably for an extended period of time, is an attainment in itself. it took a while and some doing to set it in place. worth it? you bet.

as i revel in the relaxing sensation gently massaging the tightness lodged deep in the neck and shoulder i recall something.

face to face with my own self. aum. 38 m + 8 m

each meditation is a face to face encounter with my own inner self.

i am doing nothing hard. i'm actually enjoying my self, relaxing in my hard-earned upright, steady, comfortable posture, allowing the spectrum of sounds in aum to flow to all corners of consciousness.

i am in awe of how vast i am. a open, bright being with no horizon in sight.

every now and then, sparks come to mind, illuminating the way to taking care of a worldly task. by now i am not even worried that i would forget it. i simply keep my attention on the breathing movement and the residual resonance of aum in the body.

the fingertips are like inflated balloons, pumped up with vibrant mmmmmm. feels good.

38 m + 34 m, hwubby comes to my rescue:)

 frigid cold makes it a little more difficult to convince the body and mind to get out of the warm bed. the short distance to the meditation closet becomes a daunting journey.

this day, hwubby's snoring comes to my rescue. it's one of those occasions that his power snores actually shakes the bed.

i quickly come to the conclusion there's no way i can go back to sleep even with ear plugs.

once i settle into the meditation posture, i'm even more grateful to hwubby. there is this marvelously soothing sensation that spread from somewhere deeper than the bones all the way to the skin from head to toe. and beyond.

this is relaxation as i know it up another few notches. it's like all the cells are having their own personal, top quality masseurs working on them.