i am the crown jewel of all that i have

here's another teaching dream. this one goes like this. i'm sitting at a dressing table. mother is sitting next to me. all around me are people all dressed and bejeweled. i pull out the drawer in front of me. it is filled with jewelry. gold. jade. diamond. i take in the scene around me, feeling enough and contented. mother is saying, in a nagging way, wear it, wear it. i look at the glammed up people around me and look at all that i have in the drawer and think to myself in a calm and relaxed way, do i need to wear it? no. do i want to wear it? no. at that point i wake up.

as i share the dream with my study partner it dawns on me that i am the crown jewel of all that i have.

i already have the crown jewel

hwubby says, i'm having these moments being really quiet, easeful, not 'exciting,' buzzing, nothing like that, just easeful, relaxed and a sense that 'nothing's in the way.'

since i'm a one trick pony i take this as an articulation of an experience being connected with the inner
self. well, to be more precise, an experience being the inner self for that's what i truly am. the body and all that habitual tendency are but wardrobe. i may like this garment better than that one. that's fine. but i am not the garment, not even if it's haute couture from prada. my grand-teacher says, i don't need anything but i can have preferences.

i have my fashion magazine moments when i sit on the toilet bowl. then i would say to hwubby, look at this rock from harry winston. he says, do you want it? i say, nope, i look at it and that's enough. the truth of the matter is i already have the crown jewel. my own inner self.

hey, wait a sec. i am the crown jewel. hwubby says, yeah, shining wify.

inner self is the crown jewel

carefully i place the gift from ellie, a sweet and dear spiritual sister, in front of the books of writings by my beloved meditation teacher. a dazzling thing it is. the surfaces of the petite box are covered by cut color glasses each of which is set like a jewel and framed by a thin band of golden filigree. the whole arrangement is supported by a sturdy golden frame. i can't get my eyes off the panoply of lights reflected and refracted from them. amber. ruby. lavender. yellow.

when i first saw it i felt this sense of recognition. i said to myself, i've seen this before. this morning in meditation it comes to me that i have all these splendid lights within myself. i know these lights of mine. they are part and parcel of the infinite magnificence emanating from the crown jewel, the inner self. it is brilliantly beautiful and it is sturdy and strong.