to go for the highest, travel light.

seder is right up there, my top fave spiritual activity that has food and grocery seamlessly woven into the teachings. taste buds are titillating. sensory pleasures are evoked. all for the purpose of drawing out the unshakable faith within us. when we call out with all our hearts and souls we do get response though it mostly doesn't come in a shape and size that we would like. in this case, to break free of slavery we have to leave all comforts, relative and meager as they are, behind and go into wilderness. since there isn't much to look at outside all we have are what come up within and, o me o my, what powerful stuff they are.

i say seder is spiritual democracy in action. you don't need to go to a temple or any house of worship. you don't need a rabbi. my first seder was with hwubby in a graduate apartment in mills college in the first year of our marriage. just the two of us. i prepare gefilte fish with gusto. i make charoset, roast the shank bone. my eyes are watery from the fresh horseradish. the grassy freshness of parsley refreshes my enthusiasm. a simple bread of flour and water affirms that you don''t need to take much with you to plunge into life-changing adventure. as a matter of fact i need to leave behind all that which make me stuck in the narrow land of poverty consciousness. to go for the highest, travel light. i remember i feel like a queen as hwubby and i sing a raucous and joyous dayenu. i look at all those mental stuff, habits, tendencies as the plagues that veil me from experiencing who i really am.  i pass them over. from that seder on i feel so hebrew. why not? i am a boundary crosser. i am definitely an israelite. of course. i wrestle with god day and night. and so, chag sameach. good yentiv. may we always remember who we really are and where we ought to live.

i want to be like the pharoah's daughter

this is a special shout-out to the incredible wisdom of the cyclical design of torah study. i've been going to torah study for a few years. yet this is the first time it has come to my attention that pharoah's daughter consciously raises a hebrew baby as a hebrew. i mean, she could have hired an egyptian woman to nurse him but, no, she gets a hebrew nurse to suckle the child. she names the baby moshe explaining, i drew him out of water. really, what causes an egyptian elite woman do that? this is sort of equivalent to the mistress in a southern plantation raising a black baby as her son. what is she thinking? obviously she is not. she is moved by a force that is way bigger and stronger than the mind. compassion. and that is god shining through her. so brilliantly. so fully. there's no fear, no doubt, no second-guessing, no resistance. what would others think of me? will it jeopardize my privileges? she looks at the baby, and that's it. this egyptian woman is so open and receptive. it is clear to me that the divine power knows no tribe, no race, nor country borders, nor gender, nor class. no wonder i truly feel i am a hebrew because i am a boundary crosser. i am an israelite because i wrestle with god. i want to be like the pharoah's daughter. let the force of compassion move through me and go the whole distance. amen.

i know this place. i've been there. sabbath

it's truly my great good fortune that my rabbi would open his house for sabbath service, not to mention torah studies. studying in the teacher's house is an ancient tradition in china. i love it.

on the threshold of entering sabbath rabbi lerner asks each of us, what do you want to let go as go you into sabbath? i say, i can't think of any for myself but i would like hwubby to let go of the suffering and pain as a result of having two teeth pulled unexpectedly.

a fun and thoughtful congregant says, i already let go of what i need to let go and my intention going into sabbath is to be the person that i am now, not the person i was in the past, not the person i wish to be in the future.

i say, rabbi, can i have an intention going into sabbath too? he says, yes. i say, may i always remember two things, remember god and remember my own death.

we have a ball with the service. as i sing at the top of my lungs all those wonderful and marvelous songs i am in awe of the spectacular sunset unfolding through the wall-to-wall window. god is not far away. god is so close. in fact when i look at the images of deep outer space from the hubbel telescope i say to myself, i know this place, i've been there. indeed. everyday when i close my eyes i go a little deeper and a little higher into the inner world, the mystical world, that has no outer edges and has infinite wonders and marvels.

anyhow, i must have been a hebrew, maybe even a cantor, dare i say, in some lifetime. my top fave tune is the finale that have the lyrics, all names, all names, all names are one. ushemo echad.

go forth. go into yourself. lech lecha.

in tanakh, the jewish bible, the first words avram heard from yhvh are lech lecha.

rabbi says, in hebrew they mean 'go forth.' but, as in other ancient languages like sanskrit and chinese, they have multi-level of meanings. these 2 words can also mean 'go into yourself.'

together, the sound of the words, the meanings and the unfoldment of avram's story, stir up waves of emotion tossed with realizaations.

this document, preserved and protected with selfless devotion by many, many people over the flow of three thousand years, is speaking to me across time, space, race and gender.

my eyes are warm and wet. in my simple mind, without a doubt, avram's story is also my story.

18 years ago, a few weeks after i met my meditation teacher face to face, an open invitation spread: you are invited to the upcoming birthday celebration in the teacher's hosue in the catskills.

when i hear it in hong kong where i was born and raised my gut reaction is immediate and imminent. it goes everything against how all the mental circuits are wired. the message is direct and crystal clear.

go. and you will never come back.

catskills? sounds like from another planet. meditation? what the heck has it got to do with life? no idea.


scary. difficult. painful. all of that. and then some.

the word 'hebrew' literally means 'passing over', 'crossing boundaries', 'crushing boundaries.'

just scanning and skimming the contours of circumstances and the dynamics of defining developments, i understand. i understand. i understand that in order for me to connect with the divine self within, to become established in who and what i truly am i have to be an ocean and continent away from the boundaries of traditions, culture and family.

the 2 meanings are the wings of a bird. to take flight it needs both.

scary. difficult. painful. all of that. and then some.

a fellow torah study student says, and when avram goes down to canaan as yhvh instructs, what does he find? famine.

wow. and yet avram's faith is unwavering. whenever yhvh calls, his response is always this: here i am.

may i have an iota of the faith of avram. go. keep going.