rudram. vivek. vaidyagrama

with shastri vivek in satara, india

i chant shri rudram everyday. with this man. no, not hwubby. the one in center, clad in white. it took me a while, actually years, before i got into chanting rudram. not an easy chant this one, being a substantive section of vedas, the indian scriptures that have been in existence for more than 5000 years. to cut a long story short, once i started doing in everyday with shastri vivek bhau, yes, vivek's this man's name, i love it more and more everyday. vivek bhau is a 15th generation brahmin priest. that's 1000 years. think about it. chanting vedas is in his blood and gene. he started memorizing the sacred texts since he was a small child. he chants nothing but sacred texts and mantras. as chinese saying goes, the vibration of his chanting wraps around pillars for 3 days. his voice infuses every syllable with fearlessness, sweetness and enthusiasm. it tucks my heart that much closer to god, to my own self.

puja with shastri vivek in satara, india

 i love chanting rudram so much that i want to keep doing it when i am in treatment in vaidyagrama. however knowing i tend to get carried away in chanting, meaning, VERY LOUD i was concerned that it is disturbing to other patients. hwubby says, no, don't stop, just be more aware of your voice level and others. well, guess what, turns out the doctors in vaidyagrama LOVE it. yes, 'we love suk wah's chanting' is what they say. in fact, one afternoon, dr ram kumar came to sit with me while i did shri rudram. you see, all the doctors in vaidyagram know the healing powers of chanting vedas and sacred mantras. in fact, they themselves can recite ancient ayurveda texts off the top of their heads. when hwubby asks them questions like, why i am given this treatment, why is this treatment done in this way and not that way as in those spa-like panchakarma places on the beach, doctorji would spit out a sloka from ayurveda text that prescribe why this treatment is done for this condition and why it is done in this particular way, whatever the question is. these doctors truly dedicate themselves to practice authentic ayurveda according to ancient text. if it's not in the text, then forget it. once someone asks in the daily satsang, is zucchini a suitable veggie for ayurveda diet? doctor says, what is zucchini? once it is explained, doctorji says, it is not in the text. then he continues to say, there are many vegetables listed in the text, i suggest you try them out. there you have it. they are purists and i love them for it. they are the real deal.

where were we? right, chanting. of course i can go on and on about how lovely my voice is and so on and so forth. while that is true, :) and all kidding aside, ayurveda text stipulates that healing happens on multi levels. there are medicines and treatments that deal with the body level. then there are the healing powers of mantras. that's why in vaidyagram chanting is an integral part in daily schedule. a doctor leads morning and evening chants. there are text chants like 'thousand names of vishnu.'  i love that one too. there are mantra chants. in mornings we chant lord ganesh's name 108 times. every riday afternoon we chant to meena the cow.

friday puja to meena, the cow, in vaidyagrama, coim, india     photo by nat

during our second round of panchakarma, daniella, the wonderful ayurveda cook who stayed in the room next to mine said, o, suk wah, that song you sang is so beautiful. it was arati karun. so on the eve before daniella left vaidyagrama dr ramdas gave me permission to do arati karun, waving light to the true guru, in honor of daniella. it was so beautiful. o, i forget to mention that during major treatment like snehapana, doctorji would chant mantras to the cup of warm oil before administering to me. by the way i really believe there is that much more power when doctorji chants simply because the pronunciation is accurate.

on that note let's get back to shastri vivek bhau. he pronounces the syllables exactly as they ought to be. it is said that the full benefits of vedic mantras come thru fully when they are pronounced accurately. it makes sense, doesn't it? i love someone, i say  'i love you'. of course the feeling in how i say it counts but if i blur or speak chinese to american, the full and true meaning will not come thru that well, right? which is why i love to chant rudram with vivek bhau because i want to learn to say the words as they should be.

anyhow vivek bhau, besides being a master of chanting and performing all the wonderful and marvelous services that a bramin priest does he throws himself into living a dream of his. He has a school. he takes in 25 kids, as young as 7. he teaches them vedas and all the skills and disciplines that a brahmin priest ought to have. this is radical and historic. these are kids who were not borne into a lineage of priests the way he was. it has always been for thousands of years a family thing and passing the knowledge on thru oral tradition. these kids live with him. he's like a father to them. he teaches them everything from how to milk a cow, to memorizing sacred texts, to studying astrology,  and so on and so forth. there is no words to describe how i feel when i watch this young boy memorizing text with such a sense of awe and wonder and focus.

suffice to say vivek is a 21st century brahmin priest. he is on facebook, he skypes, he sends mantras via dropbox ( i don't even know what that is.) but what he transmits thru these technologies are ancient and timeless. when he performs a ritual in strict accordance with how sacred text prescribes he would explain at various points in english what he is doing. hwubby has a deep appreciation of this because he feels that much more included when he comprehends what's going on. recently vivek bhau performs a maha puja via live streaming. tens of thousands of seekers and students around the world get to be immersed in these ancient rituals being performed with immense devotion and love. i, for one, got to be this couch potato yogini. what do i mean by that? i sat sit in front of computer screen at 6 am in pyjamas, right there with him in my home as these beautiful mantras flow out of him. for 4 hours. just him and divine presence. no cue cards. no chanting book. enchanting melodies and sublime syllables steadily flow out of him. not a crack in his voice throughout. just pure joy and enthusiasm. he is truly a treasure beyond measure, major boon to humanity, a real deal holy man. he has helped and blessed me and hwubby in so many ways profoundly.

such great good fortune, just sitting still and all these gems and jewels and divine lotuses fall into my lap.

   

 

a life of goodness. going in peace.

i awake in night. it is just before 3, the onset of the golden hours for meditation. for a while i lie in the velvet darkness and relish the exquisite sweetness. by the way, vaidyagrama is a hospital/ashram. the daily prayers, periodical pujas and the devotion of the people who work here have pervaded the grounds with this tranquil, beautiful energy. every particle in the atmosphere shimmers with the intention to heal, body and mind. what about the spirit? well, the spirit is ever present, ever conscious and ever pure. ayurveda says it's the boy and mind that are to be healed and this place is a high-power microscope that can reveal conditions that you were not even aware before. and, may i say, emotions and thought patterns that  are unpleasant to face.

anyhow, back to me. where am i? yes, lying in the dark.  i notice something fascinating. i have no grasp on where i am in the physical world. neither do i feel anxious to find out. there is just no need to do so. the sensation is paradoxical. i am in the middle of nowhere and yet i am everywhere. I am not of any physical location. rather, i am watching all corners while being steeped within a vast, deep space, the space of my own being. it is exquisite. it is delicious. it is quiet joy. i know this is what ‘at peace’ means. there’s nowhere else to be. there’s nothing to want. i am contented to be where and how i am. my attention rides with the gentle flow of the breath. i feel utterly free, so light, removed from cares and sorrows and pleasures and praise. i am one. i am all. adonai eloheinu. adonai echad. god is all. god is one. this is the truth. universal truth. i find the truth in the shema prayer. i find it in the vedas. above all, i find it right within my own being.

after another while i received another msg from within. email hong kong to check in.

fast forward to later in the day. a email from hong kong. my stepfather passed on. what time? about the time when i awoke. he lived a life of goodness and always doted on me,  or dare i say, indulged me. so i am not surprised that as his soul was leaving the body he so generously bestows upon me the experience of being not attached to this bag of flesh and fluids and poop. in all his 82 years he expressed his love for me through food. at the moment when he was released from this life he feeds me with the most fulfilling food, a yummy experience of tasting who i am. thanks so much, ah shuk.

and a big thank you to vaidyagrama for bestowing upon me the condition possible for me to receive it. priceless.

prasad. blessed sweets

there are a handful times during our six and a half weeks in vaidyagrama when we actually had food that was sweetened with sugar. NO, not meals. definitely, absolutely not in the daily food. doctorji says, we don't cook for the tongue, we want your digestive system to rest and your liver to work as little as possible during panchakarma. so food in vaidyagrama is what in the west would label as 'high carb, low protein.' I am not exaggerating when i say one patient said, you are starving us. the truth of the matter is, according to ayurveda, i'm told, the ideal food protocol during panchakarma is this. two meals a day. boiled veg. kanji, meaning rice and water. it might sound unbearable. but i have to say, it really grows on me. after a short while i have to beg dr harik, pls, may i have kanji three times a day? no kidding. hwubby says, you have to understand how much suk wah loves to eat.

i discover that the natural flavors and tastes of veg comes through delightfully and enticingly by boiling them. this has made a huge shift in the way i cook now.

for those who are concerned with protein deficiency, don't you worry. there's plenty of mung. now at home we are eating mung in one form or another everyday. it's a must-have for hwubby's breakfast.

in addition, one of my daily meds is a cup of hot milk, that is freshly drawn from a cow on the grounds, and comes with a sweet med. on that note, we are so lucky in east bay. raw milk is available in berkeley bowl. it's at arm's length literally.

all right, what am i talking about? yes, divine sweets. periodically brahmin priests come to the grounds to perform pujas. The core purpose of any puja is to invoke grace, express gratitude for blessings bestowed upon us, pray for harmony, wellbeing for all, strength and courage to move through obstacles, both within and without. most of all we ask for divine guidance to connect with our own love, our divinity, within and see the same love and divinity in everything, everywhere in the universe.

it is the tradition to offer sweets that are specially made for the puja. here, if i recall correctly, it's rice, nuts, pure sugar cane juice, cardamom, ginger, turmeric. an offering to cows on that day in the year when we express our thanks to these phenomenal beings who work hard, serve mankind with quiet steadfastness and make miracle food from humble source. no exaggeration.  they eat grass and produce milk.

anyhow, such is the power of blessed food. it is infused with the nectarean vibration of the hours of vedic chants. truly sweets from seventh heaven. no wonder even doctor ji allow us to partake it during panchakarma. unless you are going thru some intensely intense treatment, like drinking ghee.

living like a steady, bright flame

on the way to women torah study marcia, ever curious and open-minded, asks about my treatments in india. she says, why did you and ben commit so much resources to do it? six and a half weeks. it is a lot. a metaphor comes to me. it's something that dr ramkumar uses to explain what health is in the context of a human life.

it goes like this. in every indian ritual there is always one or more brass lamp. here's how it works. one or more wicks are soaked in oil, usually clarified butter. when the brass lamp is clean, the wicks are clean and the oil is pure the flame is bright and stable. as long as you replenish the oil and wicks the flames will keep ablaze just like that until the oil runs out. a healthy human life is kind of like this. you feed the body and mind with clean and pure food and thoughts. then your life force will be held bright and stable and so is your life. it's full, bright, beautiful and shining, an joyous upliftment to all who behold it. sure the flame will run out. whatever is born, will die. but the person will stay well and strong and go out in deep peace without having to go through the dying pains. in judaism it is said that the blessed one depart during sabbath. our rabbi's own beloved teacher avraham joschua heschel was like that. this is a great being who truly lived his talks and beliefs, a shining light to the world. i recall his daughter recalling life with her father. he lived simply. he ate simply but what he put into his body was quality food. he conducted his life in a just and righteous way, always kind, compassionate, generous and ready to serve. one thing his daughter said that really impresses me deeply is this. his life in the world was not easy, to say the least. but his daughter didn't recall a single instance when he came home after work and was not a kind and caring father to her. he is truly a pure and strong flame.

according to vedas the most important way to live healthy is, and this even comes before food, to think, speak and act in a righteous way. to this day when i look at rabbi heschel's picture i have the experience of being illumined in the presence of a sublime light.

back to the lamp analogy. say, the wick is dirty, the oil is impure, the lamp has not been sparkled until it shines. go imagine the state of the flame, the state of the person.

so, may we all live like a strong and robust flame that we ought to be. may we only feed our own flames with only the clean and pure in food and thoughts and feelings and emotions.

me ever fresh, ever new, ever young

without a doubt i have a beautiful life. but if i really had to say, if only i could and would, i would say i want to live the life of this seven year old. he is living and studying with a distinguished brahmin priest, vivek godbole. all day long he recites hymns from the vedas, the over five thousand year old indian scriptures. in between he milks cows and plays. i watch him in a study session. along with other students he sits cross-legged on the floor. an instructor walks back and forth. the students recite the mantras out loud. from these tender young vocal cords flow out these ancient sounds that shine bright and vibrant. every so often the instructor would gesture one student to recite on his own. the fresh, happy voice moves and melts my heart.

i may not have mastered the perfect pronunciation of the mantras. i probably will never be able to memorize a long mantra the way this little kid will be able to do in a few years. yet when i wave the flame to the great gurus who show me the way to my own flame within, i hear my own voice, fresh and young, rising within. i feel that part of me, that essence, that is ever new, ever fresh, ever young, shining and singing. it is my great good fortune that i was able to capture some of it on video. every time i watch it i am reminded how bright and beautiful i can be and ought to be, how fearless i am.

mp3 brahmin

i am emailing back and forth with a brahmin in an indian village. he is from a lineage of at least fourteen generations. he specializes in yajur vedas, a major branch in the four vedas. the vedas are what i think of as the hindu equivalent of torah. directly revealed scriptures. what is my point here? i am so fortunate. until as recent as a decade or so you have to travel far and wide, go deep into india and you have to know what to look for. it's a pilgrimage itself just to find a real brahmin, not to mention a great one. and here i am, sipping mango lassi, tweedling my thumbs in oakland, california, downloading an ancient mantra sent by this real deal brahmin on mp3. it is hilarious to watch him working my vedic charts. in traditional white brahmin garbs, in full lotus, entering my data into a laptop. i have forgotten to mention he is on facebook. hwubby and i are fortunate off the charts to be able to have him read our stars and planets face to face. but i understand he skypes. meet the twenty-first century brahmin.

all these delightful things aside the reason i have a sense he is for real is this. i don't like astrologers doing astro speak to me, like, mars is in retrograde, venus is moving into your eighth house, jupiter is not aligned...blah blah blah. all i want to know is whether i should fire my literary agent who has not made a sale yet. i can't grasp any of these astro-techno talk. in fact they confuse me. my brain becomes a mush. but this is not the way this brahmin works. he takes my birth data, enters into this software, and in a few moments he begins to speak, describing what stars and planets and so on are there. but it is obvious to me that he is not speaking to me so much as he is entering all this data into him. this goes on a couple of minutes. then he looks at me and says, in his accented but clear and direct english, this is your chart in general, now we can discuss, what questions you have? from then on he speaks in plain and simple language to me. his voice is bright and light. the timbre is metallic. the color is crystalline. it is suffused with authority steeped in a lifetime of rigorous learning and discipline.

as i reflect on being in his presence, i recall i have an experience in the past that is as close as can be to this. my younger sister is in the hospital. they tell me her liver is failing rapidly. it's in the eighties in hong kong. the doctor says, there's nothing we can do. i remember vividly how i feel deep within. i say to myself, no, i'm not going to let her die. i pull out all of my connections. i am given to call this person in taiwan. his name. dai ge. big brother in mandarin. all i know he is a practitioner of a secretive and exclusive branch of tibetan buddhism. supposedly he is elusive and hard to reach. but i get him just like that. i dial the number. he picks up. i tell him who sends me and say, my sister is very sick. he asks a simple question and puts me on hold. i don't think he is away for long. anyway when he returns he says, i have borrowed life for your sister, here's a mantra that she should repeat. i say, what's your fee? he says, no. i return to the hospital. before i can enter the ward a nurse greets me at the door. she says, your sister's liver function is much better. i go to my sister's bed. she's sitting up. i say, muimui, what happens? she says, last night i am sleeping... suddenly the room turns very bright, i see this man at the door, he says, come with me...i say, no, my big sister tells me not to go with anyone...he says again, come with me...i say, no, big sister tells me not to go with anyone... he says it the third time...i say the same thing...and he goes away... and the brightness disappears.

gee, why am i rambling all this ancient history? o, yes, the brahmin. i ask a question, or state my particular situation. he goes quiet for a moment. it is evident that his attention and gaze are turning within. who knows what worlds he is consciously watching. but all the time i have no doubt that he is present with me. in a couple of instances he asks a simple but totally unrelated question. and then he goes quiet again. i can sense that he is going through some scanning and computation within. and then he would give a direct answer to my question or remedy to the situation at hand.

hwubby says, a lot of the things he says are really what i feel deeply inside but the mind kicks into doubt, like, really, no, this can't be, it doesn't make sense. no, not to the physical senses. my inner self and the self of hwubby and the self of all are the same in essence. my inner self is no different from the self of the sun, moon, jupiter, mars and the stars and planets in the hundreds of billions of galaxies that the physical eyes can and cannot see. in fact i would go so far as to say my inner self is the same as the self that creates the entire physical universe.

i am listening and chanting along to the ancient mantra that the facebook brahmin mp3 me. the beautiful and bright vibrations fill me up. there's no room for negativity and doubt in the mind. and this is precisely the purpose of this mantra. take away negativity and doubt.

great to be back with the yogis

walking across the threshold to shivaa's divine dwelling i feel i have never left after being away from our sadhana circle for a month. i have this refreshed connection with rudram, a major portion of the vedas. it's so direct, so naked. my voice simply swims along with the ups and downs of the sacred melody, effortlessly blended into the one bright and steady voice created by the ten of us. by the time we sing om, this river of reverberation flows out of my vocal cord, merges with the sacred sound rivers pouring out of nine yogis. a magical river comes into being. the sublime syllable fills me up. my entire universe pulsates. i realize my universe includes all the universes and all the universes are within my awareness.

as i savor the food prepared by shivaa, i am also eating up the divine adventures of arielle. her strong connection with the guru within is so inspiring. shivaa's soup is fantastic companion to go with contemplation. dal with barley, mushroom and coconut milk. i slurp down two big bowls.

there's no place i'd rather be on tuesdays.

several times today i drop out of aum-ing and into the inner world of exquisite silence. i see no outer edges, no bottom. there's the feeling that i can go as deep and high as i can into the source of joy within. by the time i utter the last round of aum my awareness is thoroughly reveling in the tenderly sweet movement and sound of the easy breath.

without a doubt i know this is the spillover effect from doing the practices with my spiritual buddies last evening. there we were sitting in the comforts of shivaa's divine house anad chanting the sacred text from vedas, the same scripture that prince siddhartha heard the brahmins chanting in the palace. every syllable throbs powerfully with pure kindness in my entire being. there's phenomenal alchemy in chanting holy text with dedicated yogis. the collective power of pure intention helps me to connect a little stronger with the supreme self which is no different from my inner self. riding on the waves of sublime resonance that transcends the linear passage of time the self of me and the buddha are one.

the spread of food that shivaa prepared was yummy scriptures. the salad, with greens all from her garden, enhanced all that holy power we gathered from the chant prior. with a touch of fennel, arugula, mango chunks, roasted cashew and golden raisins, my stomach is full and light all at once. i'm like, hey, i can meditate and chant all night, let's go. she made this super-duper spring soup out of shittake broth throwing in fresh corn, finely shredded carrot, rice and turmeric. my soul is nourished and afloat in golden glory. and what about the cilantro pecan dip? what a delightful surprise to the palate. the flavor profile sweeps from clean, refreshing to rich, nutty. i love it. it really got me going for the meditation and chants to come.

last, but not the least, we were amidst shivaa's 200 wildly blooming roses. paradise out there somewhere? nope. it's right here.

i am truly fortunate to be in such marvelous company. there's no place i'd rather be on tuesdays.

i can plan ahead better when i am in the present

there i am meditating in the sweet vibration of the vedic hymn, aloft in the quiet ocean deep of the breath and i see clearly an insight illuminating on something i'm working on in the novel. i write down the key words and return my awareness to the breath.

a little while later i begin chanting a sanskrit sacred text of 182 verses with my bright and marvelous yogic community. on one hand i am into it with all my body, all my mind, and all my might. one another hand one bright and clear insight comes after another. they are all instructions or questions that guide me to properly take care of certain life situations, some of which have long term implications . in fact i can see subtle things beneath the surface of circumstantial twists that i didn't see before. i am able to connect dots in a surprising way. you bet i write all of them down. i have to apply all of my will not to keep going with them but return again and again to the chant.

as i am meditating after the chant, soaking in the waves of subtle reverberations, a realization comes up. i can plan ahead better when i am in the present. to be in the present is no different from being connected to my inner self. the implication is huge. now it makes sense to let go of worry. worry takes me out of the present, disconnecting from the inner self. and i would end up doing dumb things, being foolish.

have the chutzpah to put tuchas on the table. 38 m + 22 m

the inner self does not mince words, always cuts to the chase. for instance, today, moments after i am into the easy lotus posture i get these words clear and bright: shivaa, pesto, rudram.

here's the genius of the inner self. just as a seed contains the essence of a plant, its bare bone directive holds the key to a complete piece.

but i digress.

let me get back to shivaa, my sis on the spiritual path.