oil bath. oil bliss. samosa. passover.

photo by nat

vaidyagrama is not a spa. i said this before, i say this again. doctorji would, patiently and kindly, say, goal of treatments is not to pamper on a superficial level. yet, there are times when i say to myself, this is as good as it gets when it comes to pampering. treatment in point is...drumroll please...pizhichil. that’s what it’s called in sanskrit.  i call this samosa treatment. turn and turn you in hot oil till you are cooked properly. got the picture? physically it’s oil bath. emotionally it’s oil bliss.  it’s oil heaven, i'm not kidding. come on, suk wah. what are you talking about?

here’s how it goes down.

picture this. 3000ml of very warm medicated sesame oil. 3 therapists. one therapist on left, another on right. they work in sync over the body parts in choreographed movements while abundantly and steadily streaming warm oil over the body part. third therapist collects oil draining from the neem treatment table, warm them up in a big pot over a burner, and keep supplying buckets of warm oil to the two therapists. it’s an elaborate and complex treatment. very hard work. a luxurious extravaganza. a treatment fit for queen.

how sublimely royal i feel as blankets of warm oil drape over feet. waves of relaxed feeling steadily swell up all the way to crown of head. i experience this resplendent empress shining brightly within me and that’s who i really am. all that layers that hold me back from living in that place are being washed off me. meanwhile oil sheets flow over and into everywhere, front and back - depending on whether i am lying on stomach or back or sides - permeating every pore. so calming. folks, there is a sky of difference between calm and spacing out. true calm implies alert, vigilant and focused. focusing on what? what else, where else but the present moment within the serene grounds in the midst of forest.

photo by nat

as viscous warm oil irrigate body parts i see the mind being pulled back from the usual frenetic thinking pace.  mental activity is restored to its natural pace....close to nil. only a silent hum, that is in sync with the natural breathing, remains. whatever thoughts, emotion appear they are weak. i see them form and dissolve, come and go. it is utterly evident that this is how my inner state ought to be, not the other way round. it’s like seeing with clean glasses. i realize i have been seeing myself and the world with foggy and smudgy lenses that are smeared with limitation and negativity. seeing now comes from an inner place that is quiet. still. serene. alert. clear. this is like the inner swiss clock that has been running a mile a sec is being returned to the easeful tick-tocking it ought to be doing.

photo by nat

as i type this i just came out of a full-immersion meditation retreat a few days prior. for 12 hours everyday we meditated and chanted om namah shivaya. this is something i do at least once a year or as often as ashram would have it. this time around it was so effortless to enter into deep and profound silence very soon after i sat into easy cross-legged posture. it became so easy, a given, something natural. i experience the teaching that says, meditation spontaneously happens. what’s even more amazing is that i am able to go thru worldly activity while carrying this state within me days after the retreat. it is still going strong. before i would see this precious state gradually weakening. in my heart of hearts i see the connection between this strengthening and the impact of having gone through seven days of ‘samosa treatment.’

look, there are two types of ama, aka toxins in body, one from improper metabolism of food, the other from...you guess right, mental ama, residuals of negative thoughts, feeling and emotion accumulated over a period of time, say, a decade, or, in my case, a few. i hear that the mind produces 20-30 thoughts per minute. that’s 30-50,000 per day. you do the math for a few decades. there is a chinese saying that goes like this. dripping water pierce rock.

since  i am writing this during passover, it comes to me what some rabbis say about the way pharaoh keep changing his mind about letting jewish people go. after changing his mind a few times torah says pharaoh’s mind is ‘hardened.’ to me, at this moment, it means to me the vibrations of his negative thoughts, speech and action became ama. they didn’t get eliminated. they snowballed,  ‘hardened’ the way he thought, spoke and acted. since i am a hassidic kind of girl, i like to read the passover story as my own story. all that negativity i had in the past don't just disappear. they stay, take root, and keep steering my body and mind away from optimal level. they gotta go. let my inner queen leave the bondage of negative vibes. let all that ama go.

photo by nat

my doctorji, dr harikrishnan, is a very grounded, head-on-the-shoulder fellow. i ask, what exactly does pizhichil do? he says, body has to be oiled before act of purification, you just came out of purgation so you need to be oiled before we perform another act of purification on you. in all my excitement i tell him all this wonderful feelings and experiences i have in the treatment. he listens intently, nods, and says in his ever even tone, ‘i see. you like it.’ well, ‘like’ is an understatement. if i were in a spa i would tick off, on the treatment menu, pizhichil and mark it big and bright, DAILY. unfortunately this is not a spa. panchakarma is equivalent to a major surgical procedure. just like surgery it has to be done in a hospital. pizhichil is a powerful treatment, part and parcel of panchakarma. just like surgery it has to be done in a hospital, as prescribed by doctor. o, well, i take this as another opportunity to cultivate letting go of wanting what i like and embracing what i need. good news is, here, what i need is  no different from what i like. om namah shivaya. cool.

ecstatically vaidyagramified

hwubby opens the door. his best friend, joseph, says, you look ten years younger. that is just kind of what people say when they see hwubby. you lost a lot of weight. you look great. you look younger and younger. okay, enough about that gorgeous hwubby. about me. i haven’t lost a lot of weight. in fact i haven’t lost any weight. in the body. but i feel so much lighter in the mind. for example. yesterday i have to take care of this debt collection letter from kaiser, our health insurer. as i review the content of the letter, which  says i owe them hundreds of dollars, i notice something refreshingly different in the state of mind. before panchakarma i would immediately have the thought, o, no i screwed up some bills. i would get worked up. now, after panchakarma, something got lost. some entrenched mental wiring. there i am looking at the letter and i feel light and i am aware of the flow of the breath coming in and going out. i see a whiff of that old conditioning. but it is weak. i don’t even have to make an effort to make it go away. it just does. 

to cut it short, because it involves several phone calls with different areas in kaiser as well as the collection agency, turns out pharmacy, doctors, hospital send out their own bills. they don’t talk to each other. somehow there is a two dollar balance in the pharmacy which, by the way, i can confidently say i have never seen a bill of. but, i quickly decide it’s not worth it to dig into that in view of all that are awaiting me to take care of after being away for three months. 

i feel i have lost a lot of weight. i don’t know the mechanism of it. but all that pounding with herbal poultices, all that oil poured and rubbed over me, all that ghee that i drank, all that sweating, all that purgation, all those herbal enemas, oil enemas, all those awful medicines, they have made possible the miracle of miracles. to weaken the hold of negativity on the mind. in the words of hwubby, all those pipes got scrubbed out. all that stubborn mental circuitry got knocked loose. now things just flow. his buddy, joseph, a master carpenter and contractor, know exactly what he means. 

we are so vaidyagramified. and ecstatically so. a big thank you to my dr harikrishnan, dr ramdas, dr ramkumar, and all the vaidyagramites. we are reaping the sweet fruits of your dedication, conviction and hardwork.

salutations to spiritual technology

i've been listening to an ancient mantra specifically for removing negativity and doubt. three to nine times at a time. mp3 and adobe files are on the desktop. i put on headset and instantly transported to the world where the fiery form of lord shiva tears off the fifth head of brahma. the brahmin's voice is pure and strong. the melody is more than lyrical. i can feel the vibrations working in the bone marrow and beyond. feeling great is great. but there's also proof is in the pudding. so now what's happening is the tune is sort of set into a neural circuit. it loops. i guess i can say i am having an experience of what the scriptures and guru say, to the effect, you can't just yank negativity out of the mind just like that and once and for all. well, i can but it's when i've already done enough spiritual work to prepare myself. suffice to say i am not in that category, not yet. here's the good news. the mind tends to get bored. it is all into the next new thing and wants to go towards the light. the light of joy. the light of courage. the light of strength. so a proven and tested remedy is to give the mind a new habit to chew on. when the mind is busy with setting up the new loop, audio, visual or a combination of both, i forget about negativity. and when i am aware of them i see them for what they are. ocean foam. look real but uc-ah. nope. that's fabulous news to me. no fighting necessary. easy way out. now all i have to to when i catch a thought, emotion that don't look and sound like my own inner self, just hit the buttons on the desktop and, voila, i am back in my own inner self. for some highly evolved yogis they don't need to go into such a long and elaborate chant for this purpose. but, mind you, suk wah, this is a thought that sounds like comparing based in poverty consciousness. go right back to the mantra. right now. okay. after posting this on facebook and twitter.

salutations to the power of spiritual technology.

i know what i want the net for.

just finished taking pics and video of hwubby coaching a person in mumbai. skype. how else. how does this indian dude find out about hwubby? he is taking gmat. he realizes he needs help. not content. take my word to the bank. when asian students need help with exams and tests, it's almost never about content. anyway this person surfs the net, comes across hwubby's work in a forum, checks out his site and blog. and then hwubby gets this email from mumbai. money goes through paypal. e-book is sent. session set up. there you have it. the beginning of a global enterprise.

now i recall this often told metaphor on the spiritual path. a knife is a knife. in a surgeon's hand it saves lives. in a murderer's hand? so to me, the net is no different. it is so many things to so many people. i know exactly what i want the net for. to help me explore my own true nature. hwubby says, i put the mantra from my facebook brahmin in ipod. i listen to it again and again, on the bart, in kaiser's waiting room. it just brightens up the mind. no negativity. no doubt. how cool is that.

mp3 brahmin

i am emailing back and forth with a brahmin in an indian village. he is from a lineage of at least fourteen generations. he specializes in yajur vedas, a major branch in the four vedas. the vedas are what i think of as the hindu equivalent of torah. directly revealed scriptures. what is my point here? i am so fortunate. until as recent as a decade or so you have to travel far and wide, go deep into india and you have to know what to look for. it's a pilgrimage itself just to find a real brahmin, not to mention a great one. and here i am, sipping mango lassi, tweedling my thumbs in oakland, california, downloading an ancient mantra sent by this real deal brahmin on mp3. it is hilarious to watch him working my vedic charts. in traditional white brahmin garbs, in full lotus, entering my data into a laptop. i have forgotten to mention he is on facebook. hwubby and i are fortunate off the charts to be able to have him read our stars and planets face to face. but i understand he skypes. meet the twenty-first century brahmin.

all these delightful things aside the reason i have a sense he is for real is this. i don't like astrologers doing astro speak to me, like, mars is in retrograde, venus is moving into your eighth house, jupiter is not aligned...blah blah blah. all i want to know is whether i should fire my literary agent who has not made a sale yet. i can't grasp any of these astro-techno talk. in fact they confuse me. my brain becomes a mush. but this is not the way this brahmin works. he takes my birth data, enters into this software, and in a few moments he begins to speak, describing what stars and planets and so on are there. but it is obvious to me that he is not speaking to me so much as he is entering all this data into him. this goes on a couple of minutes. then he looks at me and says, in his accented but clear and direct english, this is your chart in general, now we can discuss, what questions you have? from then on he speaks in plain and simple language to me. his voice is bright and light. the timbre is metallic. the color is crystalline. it is suffused with authority steeped in a lifetime of rigorous learning and discipline.

as i reflect on being in his presence, i recall i have an experience in the past that is as close as can be to this. my younger sister is in the hospital. they tell me her liver is failing rapidly. it's in the eighties in hong kong. the doctor says, there's nothing we can do. i remember vividly how i feel deep within. i say to myself, no, i'm not going to let her die. i pull out all of my connections. i am given to call this person in taiwan. his name. dai ge. big brother in mandarin. all i know he is a practitioner of a secretive and exclusive branch of tibetan buddhism. supposedly he is elusive and hard to reach. but i get him just like that. i dial the number. he picks up. i tell him who sends me and say, my sister is very sick. he asks a simple question and puts me on hold. i don't think he is away for long. anyway when he returns he says, i have borrowed life for your sister, here's a mantra that she should repeat. i say, what's your fee? he says, no. i return to the hospital. before i can enter the ward a nurse greets me at the door. she says, your sister's liver function is much better. i go to my sister's bed. she's sitting up. i say, muimui, what happens? she says, last night i am sleeping... suddenly the room turns very bright, i see this man at the door, he says, come with me...i say, no, my big sister tells me not to go with anyone...he says again, come with me...i say, no, big sister tells me not to go with anyone... he says it the third time...i say the same thing...and he goes away... and the brightness disappears.

gee, why am i rambling all this ancient history? o, yes, the brahmin. i ask a question, or state my particular situation. he goes quiet for a moment. it is evident that his attention and gaze are turning within. who knows what worlds he is consciously watching. but all the time i have no doubt that he is present with me. in a couple of instances he asks a simple but totally unrelated question. and then he goes quiet again. i can sense that he is going through some scanning and computation within. and then he would give a direct answer to my question or remedy to the situation at hand.

hwubby says, a lot of the things he says are really what i feel deeply inside but the mind kicks into doubt, like, really, no, this can't be, it doesn't make sense. no, not to the physical senses. my inner self and the self of hwubby and the self of all are the same in essence. my inner self is no different from the self of the sun, moon, jupiter, mars and the stars and planets in the hundreds of billions of galaxies that the physical eyes can and cannot see. in fact i would go so far as to say my inner self is the same as the self that creates the entire physical universe.

i am listening and chanting along to the ancient mantra that the facebook brahmin mp3 me. the beautiful and bright vibrations fill me up. there's no room for negativity and doubt in the mind. and this is precisely the purpose of this mantra. take away negativity and doubt.

rudram. in light. no darkness.

how do you kick out negativity? the ancient yogis find this out thousand of years of go. you don't chase away darkness. you can't. actually, you can if you have that kind of spiritual strength to just drop it. but if you can't, like me, you can turn on the light, you know, like turn the switch on and darkness disappears, just like that. i have always liked this metaphor but it's kind of like a nice story. i don't own it. now i do. what happens is this. i find my attention being tossed around relentlessly in tornadoes of negativity as a result of the birthday attack. all i can hang on to with my dear life is this. don't fight it. duck into the breath. but even that proves to be difficult. i am being sucked again and again out of the breath flow. really. inner work is demanding and exhausting. anyway when i finally gather enough strength to sit down to meditate, it's a breeze to sit through an hour. i realize i am reaping the fruit borne out of years of regular practice. as i stand up from the meditation mat i feel drawn to chanting rudram. so i do. i turn up the volume. vivek, the brahmin priest's voice fills and resounds in my meditation closet. very quickly i can see something happening in my voice. i start off weak and thin and low. before i know it i hear my voice getting brighter and brighter, stronger and stronger, clearer and clearer. it just happens. i honestly am not doing anything consciously to make it the way it is going. the garland of sounds fills up all the nooks and crannies and crevices in the body and mind. really. there is not an iota of space for negativity. impossible to find darkness in a light filled space.