ecstatically vaidyagramified

hwubby opens the door. his best friend, joseph, says, you look ten years younger. that is just kind of what people say when they see hwubby. you lost a lot of weight. you look great. you look younger and younger. okay, enough about that gorgeous hwubby. about me. i haven’t lost a lot of weight. in fact i haven’t lost any weight. in the body. but i feel so much lighter in the mind. for example. yesterday i have to take care of this debt collection letter from kaiser, our health insurer. as i review the content of the letter, which  says i owe them hundreds of dollars, i notice something refreshingly different in the state of mind. before panchakarma i would immediately have the thought, o, no i screwed up some bills. i would get worked up. now, after panchakarma, something got lost. some entrenched mental wiring. there i am looking at the letter and i feel light and i am aware of the flow of the breath coming in and going out. i see a whiff of that old conditioning. but it is weak. i don’t even have to make an effort to make it go away. it just does. 

to cut it short, because it involves several phone calls with different areas in kaiser as well as the collection agency, turns out pharmacy, doctors, hospital send out their own bills. they don’t talk to each other. somehow there is a two dollar balance in the pharmacy which, by the way, i can confidently say i have never seen a bill of. but, i quickly decide it’s not worth it to dig into that in view of all that are awaiting me to take care of after being away for three months. 

i feel i have lost a lot of weight. i don’t know the mechanism of it. but all that pounding with herbal poultices, all that oil poured and rubbed over me, all that ghee that i drank, all that sweating, all that purgation, all those herbal enemas, oil enemas, all those awful medicines, they have made possible the miracle of miracles. to weaken the hold of negativity on the mind. in the words of hwubby, all those pipes got scrubbed out. all that stubborn mental circuitry got knocked loose. now things just flow. his buddy, joseph, a master carpenter and contractor, know exactly what he means. 

we are so vaidyagramified. and ecstatically so. a big thank you to my dr harikrishnan, dr ramdas, dr ramkumar, and all the vaidyagramites. we are reaping the sweet fruits of your dedication, conviction and hardwork.

sweet lemon. kaiser

this is a big shout out to kaiser. two weeks hwubby ago hwubby was gurneyed into the vallejo rehab center straight from an air ambulance that flew him in from bellevue hospital, new york city. poor guy is all messed up, severely injured. the taxi slammed into his right side. so the clavicle is broken. a bunch of broken ribs, lung bruises, liver lacerations, pelvic fractures, and a dislocated left pinkie. fast forward. one week in bellebue, mostly in trauma ward. intense pains and spasms. ten on a scale of one to ten. then two weeks in acute inpatient rehab. as of yesterday he can walk on a cane. he says, today i can yawn. really. when he was in bellevue a tiny burp triggers excruciating pains. they can put him in casts because those bones need to move. indeed. how can you breathe if your ribs can't move. anyway, he says, i am learning to do everything all over again, turn over to the left side, sitting up in bed, move my legs across the bed, get myself in and out of bed, tie shoelaces, go to the bathroom. really, it's a major miracle that he can wipe his lovely butt all by himself. he says, i am living in such gratitude, with every little move i make i feel like i am opening a book that has been closed for a long time.

such is the power of the force of healing and transformation.

on fridays there's a splendid farmers market in front of kaiser. a pakistan farmer insists i try a slice of what looks like lemon. i do a double take, make a face, shake my head. he really insists with a wise smile and assures me, it's sweet. i take a leap of faith. and my o my. it's a sweet lemon. a sweetness is is delicate, exquisite, some taste i have never had or imagined before.

against the background of this vibrant bounty i see an army of red-jacketed youths working hard to valet-park visitors to kaiser. all of a sudden i realize this complimentary service is not just to show off how de-luxe this facility this. this is an act of compassion. i see a woman driving an elderly man to the facility. now she can focus on her family. she doesn't not have to worry about parking the car or navigate the distance between the parking lot and the hospital.

i am not saying kaiser is perfect. i have my issues with them. how about the premiums escalating at least twenty percent every year? but this rehab facility and my own experience shine a whole new, bright light on my perception of this institution.

i have registered my concerns. now acceptance.

indeed hwubby has made phenomenal progress in a short amount of time. under the watchful eye of therapists he can pretty much do things on his own. with a walker or wheelchair, and a simple move takes a lot. but he is what the rehab experts call 'modified independence.' by the way we both have such profound appreciation and gratitude for what the human body can do. we realize we really have been taking ennumerable miracles for granted. for instance, getting up in bed, and getting in and out of bed. wow. amazing. awesome. hwubby says, i'm learning to walk all over again. being able to cross a leg to tie shoelaces is a huge breakthrough. this is truly a miracle factory.

having said all this i still have to register my concerns with these medical professionals. without a doubt they have the most sophisticated and state-of-the-art machines and metrics to measure the observable behavior. but i know my husband. for a starter, he doesn't like hospital. days after the hit, while still in trauma ward he asked the attending trauma doc, when can i go back to california? i'm not diminishing any of the hard work he has been putting into this rehab boot camp. all i am saying is this. someone who has a corporate job being discharged into his home where he mainly relaxes is different from a self-employed person being discharged into a hospital bed placed in the center of his home office. besides the hospital doesn't have internet access except in a computer room that is pretty far away given he has to go there on a wheelchair. whereas at home is surrounded by his computer, ipad and 24/7 internet access. i say to my go-to person in the hospital, all i want from you is your word that you'll do everything human possible, within reason, of course, to make sure he is on an irreversible path to full recovery. she says, yes, of course. then, the physical therapist assures me, yes, he's ready to go home, to transition into real life. to top it off, the doctor tracks me down and spends time to hear out my concerns. he says, before coming to kaiser, i worked in the texan rehab facility where the congresswoman is. well, that says a lot.

anyway i have registered my concerns. now it's time to accept what is and take care of what is necessary in a meticulous manner.

her husband is coming home faster than she thought

kaiser rehab says hwubby can be released this saturday. hwubby believes he is ready to come home. so, why am i feeling i am about to crash? am i shrinking from what it is? true that he has been making phenomenal progress. he's now able to get in and out of bed with minimal help and someone watching over him. he can climb up six to seven steps with hand rail. he can go into and out of bathroom with minimal assistance. having said that he is in the shelter of an army of competent medical professionals who work in shifts. once home, i am the primary caregiver. we don't have grown kids who can help. i am half his size. physical strength is not my strong suit. true that many people have offered to help. so why am i still feeling overwhelmed? feeling he is coming out too soon? am i resisting? is an expectation of mine being unmet? as the medical equipment person says, her husband is coming home faster than she thought. my guru says, you are equal to the challenge, no bigger, no smaller, but equal. and she also says, trust and verify. so here's what i'm gonna do. today i go in for a full day of family training. i'll go in with an open mind. i'll make efforts to not push or over-exert and strive to be honest with what i see and how i feel. and see what happens.

i have a hunch to check email before meditation. only i new one. lois says she can help with some shopping, cooking and some shifts to give me time off. maybe this is the sign.

to be continued...

hwubby wrapped like a burrito for an airlift

here's one for cultivating acceptance. i spend mon, tue, wed to prepare for hwubby to have acute inpatient rehab in bellevue in new york city. my rabbi arranges an apartment that is nearby. my sister-in-law gets me snow boots, provisions. i discipline the mind for the radical shift. just when i think i am all ready to go and, boom, i'm told on thursday afternoon that they will put hwubby on an air ambulance on friday early morning and fly him back to california. why? because our hmo insurance does not cover out-of-state rehab but it covers an airlift. they can tag me along. between the two of us we can have one carry-on.

it turns out to be a sleepless night to get ready. and so it is at 7 in the morning on friday a team of medical professionals show up with a gurney. they are so competent and confidence-inspiring. they wrap up hwubby like a burrito and off we go into the freezing cold. an ambulance takes us to teeterborough in new jersey. a learjet with two co-pilots are there waiting for us with comforting smiles. it's small plane. think galley kitchen. i am all cooped up in a back corner next to piles of medical equipment. with a fuel stop in north platte, nebraska, we land in napa, california several hours later. there he is transferred into another ambulance and taken to kaiser rehab center which is just twenty minutes away.

i didn't know what to expect and it turns out better than i could have imagined. this kaiser facility is brand new, state of the art. it is beautiful and well-staffed. a friend from the ashram researches into it and, apparently, this is among the best in the world for rehab.

o, and let me not forget that while i am in nebraska i receive a call from ellie, my dear jewish sister. listen to this. she says, suk wah, i have found you a place to stay in vallejo, it is near the facility, and you can stay there for free. wow. how cared for i am.