breakthrough by the power of grace.

luxury is so many things to so many people. for me it is to meditate away without a timer. being deep within soaring pines is like extra fresh cream on ripe strawberries. this morning as i recite, as usual since beginning of 2011, some words of my guru's guru, a miracle happens. i watch the river of sound flow out of vocal cord in easeful sync with the outbreaths when suddenly and quietly i notice a subtle switch. the passage as i learn it is in past tense. now i am amazed to see that i am reciting it in present tense. it goes like this.

i do not meditate out of fear but with enthusiasm, faith and love. i do not meditate to please anyone, not to gain benefits from anyone, nor to satisfy a desire, sensual or otherwise. i do not meditate to rid myself of any illness, physical or mental, nor to gain fame through the miraculous and supernatural powers that i may acquire. no one forces me to meditate.  i meditate not because religion says that it is good to meditate. i meditate solely for the love of god, because i am irresistibly drawn toward goddess kunkalini, and to explore my own true nature.

what a breakthrough. i am having an experience of the sublime wisdom that comes out of the intense austerities the compassionate teacher went through with persistence and passion as a student. by the power of grace this little student have come to own the truth embodied in these strings of pearls.

women torah study is gems and jewels

haven't been to women torah study for quite a while. almost didn't go to this one as well since i am feeling the body saying, i want to sleep some more. after tugging and pulling for a bit i yield to the pull of torah. on my way to catch the arranged ride i run into a neighbor, ms williams. she is dressed to the nines all ready for church. ms williams is sort of the grande darme of the block, keeping the pulse on everything. i tell her hwubby is recuperating from a taxi hit. she immediately says, what can i do? i say, yeah, if you know anybody who can give him rides for doc appts. she says, i can do it. i say, hallelujah. i take it as the sign that getting the relationship with yhvh right then all other relationships will be right.

anyway, it turns out this parasha is all about how to make the priest's garment. torah is always spare on details, particularly when it comes to what people wear. but here no detail is spared. when it comes to the twelve gemstones on the breastplate i learn that different translations have different takes on it. some may say this causes confusion, like what should be the right stone to use? i take it as the evidence that the divine radiance of yhvh covers an infinite array of frequencies. every gem and jewel is but one ray in the wide and vast spectrum.

at one point the subject of miracle comes up. i say, huwbby and i now realize just to be able to walk on the pavement one step at a time is a miracle occurring moment to moment. deborah says, yes, walking is losing and regaining balance in every step. what a beautiful gem.

i have registered my concerns. now acceptance.

indeed hwubby has made phenomenal progress in a short amount of time. under the watchful eye of therapists he can pretty much do things on his own. with a walker or wheelchair, and a simple move takes a lot. but he is what the rehab experts call 'modified independence.' by the way we both have such profound appreciation and gratitude for what the human body can do. we realize we really have been taking ennumerable miracles for granted. for instance, getting up in bed, and getting in and out of bed. wow. amazing. awesome. hwubby says, i'm learning to walk all over again. being able to cross a leg to tie shoelaces is a huge breakthrough. this is truly a miracle factory.

having said all this i still have to register my concerns with these medical professionals. without a doubt they have the most sophisticated and state-of-the-art machines and metrics to measure the observable behavior. but i know my husband. for a starter, he doesn't like hospital. days after the hit, while still in trauma ward he asked the attending trauma doc, when can i go back to california? i'm not diminishing any of the hard work he has been putting into this rehab boot camp. all i am saying is this. someone who has a corporate job being discharged into his home where he mainly relaxes is different from a self-employed person being discharged into a hospital bed placed in the center of his home office. besides the hospital doesn't have internet access except in a computer room that is pretty far away given he has to go there on a wheelchair. whereas at home is surrounded by his computer, ipad and 24/7 internet access. i say to my go-to person in the hospital, all i want from you is your word that you'll do everything human possible, within reason, of course, to make sure he is on an irreversible path to full recovery. she says, yes, of course. then, the physical therapist assures me, yes, he's ready to go home, to transition into real life. to top it off, the doctor tracks me down and spends time to hear out my concerns. he says, before coming to kaiser, i worked in the texan rehab facility where the congresswoman is. well, that says a lot.

anyway i have registered my concerns. now it's time to accept what is and take care of what is necessary in a meticulous manner.