4th panchakarma. cellular cleansing

what is my favorite breakfast? now? or before ben and i began this practice of panchakarma? towards the finale of this, my fourth round, something remarkable happened. one morning, after morning prayer, and by the way, i feel the treatment and medicine are that much more potent when my doctors chant vishnu sahasranama, thousand names of vishnu, alongside patients at 6 am. they faithfully implement the ancient ayurveda texts. when a patient questions the way they prescribe treatment slokas would roll off their tongues. doctor ji says, this is what the text says. and since the text says mantras, prayers, homa, puja emanate healing vibration therefore chanting, praying and pujas are integral components in the healing village daily schedule. these doctors really walk their talk. i salute them for that and i trust them with my life. anyhow, what am i talking about? my top fave breakfast. so there i am walking happily along the covered walkway basking in the morning lights after the ecstatic chant and i see doctor omprakash approaching me beaming with excitement. he says, suk wah ji, there is dosa and chutney, do you want? without a blink i say, no, thanks, i'll have congee and mung. here's the context. the ideal panchakarma food is congee, mung and boiled veg. it's only during the preparation and final phase of treatment regimen that patient is offered something other than. i'm not exaggerating when, back in my first round three years prior, when i saw that bowl of plain congee the mind would run wild with imagining all kinds of tgoodies that chinese would put into congee, say, thousand year egg, fish, minced beef. but here i am, three rounds of panchakarma later, reveling in this simple metta rice congee. creamy, nutty, textred, light and satisfying. mung cooked over wood fire has a deep, slightly smoky flavor that pressure cooker cannot replicate. i feel full and fulfilled, happy and content. the mind is quiet and present.

let me be clear. there's nothing wrong with fresh dosa and coconut chutney, nor thousand year egg congee. yummy they are. but i do believe my palate has been radically transformed after four rounds of panchakarma, or shall i say, cellular cleansing. the palate is purified and refined. i taste the essence of essencej, ojas, of rice and mung. bright. alive. rich. the highest and innermost self of me is one with the self of congee. 

rudram. vivek. vaidyagrama

with shastri vivek in satara, india

i chant shri rudram everyday. with this man. no, not hwubby. the one in center, clad in white. it took me a while, actually years, before i got into chanting rudram. not an easy chant this one, being a substantive section of vedas, the indian scriptures that have been in existence for more than 5000 years. to cut a long story short, once i started doing in everyday with shastri vivek bhau, yes, vivek's this man's name, i love it more and more everyday. vivek bhau is a 15th generation brahmin priest. that's 1000 years. think about it. chanting vedas is in his blood and gene. he started memorizing the sacred texts since he was a small child. he chants nothing but sacred texts and mantras. as chinese saying goes, the vibration of his chanting wraps around pillars for 3 days. his voice infuses every syllable with fearlessness, sweetness and enthusiasm. it tucks my heart that much closer to god, to my own self.

puja with shastri vivek in satara, india

 i love chanting rudram so much that i want to keep doing it when i am in treatment in vaidyagrama. however knowing i tend to get carried away in chanting, meaning, VERY LOUD i was concerned that it is disturbing to other patients. hwubby says, no, don't stop, just be more aware of your voice level and others. well, guess what, turns out the doctors in vaidyagrama LOVE it. yes, 'we love suk wah's chanting' is what they say. in fact, one afternoon, dr ram kumar came to sit with me while i did shri rudram. you see, all the doctors in vaidyagram know the healing powers of chanting vedas and sacred mantras. in fact, they themselves can recite ancient ayurveda texts off the top of their heads. when hwubby asks them questions like, why i am given this treatment, why is this treatment done in this way and not that way as in those spa-like panchakarma places on the beach, doctorji would spit out a sloka from ayurveda text that prescribe why this treatment is done for this condition and why it is done in this particular way, whatever the question is. these doctors truly dedicate themselves to practice authentic ayurveda according to ancient text. if it's not in the text, then forget it. once someone asks in the daily satsang, is zucchini a suitable veggie for ayurveda diet? doctor says, what is zucchini? once it is explained, doctorji says, it is not in the text. then he continues to say, there are many vegetables listed in the text, i suggest you try them out. there you have it. they are purists and i love them for it. they are the real deal.

where were we? right, chanting. of course i can go on and on about how lovely my voice is and so on and so forth. while that is true, :) and all kidding aside, ayurveda text stipulates that healing happens on multi levels. there are medicines and treatments that deal with the body level. then there are the healing powers of mantras. that's why in vaidyagram chanting is an integral part in daily schedule. a doctor leads morning and evening chants. there are text chants like 'thousand names of vishnu.'  i love that one too. there are mantra chants. in mornings we chant lord ganesh's name 108 times. every riday afternoon we chant to meena the cow.

friday puja to meena, the cow, in vaidyagrama, coim, india     photo by nat

during our second round of panchakarma, daniella, the wonderful ayurveda cook who stayed in the room next to mine said, o, suk wah, that song you sang is so beautiful. it was arati karun. so on the eve before daniella left vaidyagrama dr ramdas gave me permission to do arati karun, waving light to the true guru, in honor of daniella. it was so beautiful. o, i forget to mention that during major treatment like snehapana, doctorji would chant mantras to the cup of warm oil before administering to me. by the way i really believe there is that much more power when doctorji chants simply because the pronunciation is accurate.

on that note let's get back to shastri vivek bhau. he pronounces the syllables exactly as they ought to be. it is said that the full benefits of vedic mantras come thru fully when they are pronounced accurately. it makes sense, doesn't it? i love someone, i say  'i love you'. of course the feeling in how i say it counts but if i blur or speak chinese to american, the full and true meaning will not come thru that well, right? which is why i love to chant rudram with vivek bhau because i want to learn to say the words as they should be.

anyhow vivek bhau, besides being a master of chanting and performing all the wonderful and marvelous services that a bramin priest does he throws himself into living a dream of his. He has a school. he takes in 25 kids, as young as 7. he teaches them vedas and all the skills and disciplines that a brahmin priest ought to have. this is radical and historic. these are kids who were not borne into a lineage of priests the way he was. it has always been for thousands of years a family thing and passing the knowledge on thru oral tradition. these kids live with him. he's like a father to them. he teaches them everything from how to milk a cow, to memorizing sacred texts, to studying astrology,  and so on and so forth. there is no words to describe how i feel when i watch this young boy memorizing text with such a sense of awe and wonder and focus.

suffice to say vivek is a 21st century brahmin priest. he is on facebook, he skypes, he sends mantras via dropbox ( i don't even know what that is.) but what he transmits thru these technologies are ancient and timeless. when he performs a ritual in strict accordance with how sacred text prescribes he would explain at various points in english what he is doing. hwubby has a deep appreciation of this because he feels that much more included when he comprehends what's going on. recently vivek bhau performs a maha puja via live streaming. tens of thousands of seekers and students around the world get to be immersed in these ancient rituals being performed with immense devotion and love. i, for one, got to be this couch potato yogini. what do i mean by that? i sat sit in front of computer screen at 6 am in pyjamas, right there with him in my home as these beautiful mantras flow out of him. for 4 hours. just him and divine presence. no cue cards. no chanting book. enchanting melodies and sublime syllables steadily flow out of him. not a crack in his voice throughout. just pure joy and enthusiasm. he is truly a treasure beyond measure, major boon to humanity, a real deal holy man. he has helped and blessed me and hwubby in so many ways profoundly.

such great good fortune, just sitting still and all these gems and jewels and divine lotuses fall into my lap.

   

 

sukh. healthy place. happy place.

what is good health? dr ramkumar gets asked this question quite often. while brilliant and knowledgeable  he is also very quick-witted and funny. i would go so far as to say that joking around and laughing with him are medicine to me big time. in fact i have so much fun goofing around him that sometimes i think i forget what a brilliant, brilliant clinician he is, his grasp of scriptures and, above all, that laser focus to bring authentic panchakarma to modern times. where was i? anyway, in this particular satsang when one patient asks this question he throws a glance in my direction and says, with his signature sunny grin, let's start with suk wah's name. you see, "suk" sounds like a sanskrit word "sukh." he goes on to say this. "sukh" means happiness, happiness that is whole and wholesome. To be healthy is to be in a happy place, happy body, happy mind.

what is really great about this place is i don't have to look for it anywhere outside. i am this place. it is who and what i am. i do have to take care of it though. this place of mine is a splendid palace, a spectacular mansion. just like any other dwelling there are any number of things that can clutter up the space, clog the drains, crack the paints and so on and so forth. hwubby and i take good care of our house. as part of maintenance, periodically we have to employ the service of a drain specialist to snake out the bath tub drain. it is very sobering to watch him do his thing. it's dirty and hard work. it never ceases to shock and stun me to see mounds and piles of slime and grime and hair being drawn out of the hidden pipes. not a pretty sight. but when i see the flow down the drain so smooth and the tub wall is not smacked with slime i have no doubt that all that effort is worth it, all that unpleasantness are necessary. temporary too.

this is why panchakarma makes so much sense to me. you see, every bit of improperly digested food, every negative thought and emotion, generate a little "slime and grime and hair" that stick to the walls of body and mental tissue. over time the inner pipes are clogged, energy flow is slowed down. even though i kind of know that i am beautiful and bright i don't always feel it as i want to feel. my strong meditation practice does a lot of "snaking out."  as a matter of fact it is in deep meditative state that i realize i need to do panchakarma. the rishis saw this thousands of years ago in deep meditation. they saw how treatments and herbal medicine, when applied properly, can profoundly purify body. since the state of mind is closely related to that of the body it is natural that i feel remarkable difference in my inner state, like seeing through clean glasses. hwubby says, this panchakarma gives a new baseline to what i think good health should be like.

for years i looked at the saree-clad ladies who wave light in pujas and negative thought came. i don't look good in it. therefore you could imagine how surprised i was when soon after my first round of panchakarma i was invited to a pujari training. two things. first, i noticed i felt excited about it, i wanted to do it. something moved deeply within. i could see, in a subtle yet clear way, this elaborate act is 'spontaneous' in the sense that i feel thankful about what the guru's path has gifted me so i want to express gratitude in a beautiful and intimate way, a way that is both timely and timeless. i perform a ritual in the present according to what's prescribed since ancient time. the gestures and moves are alive, aligned with how i feel about myself, everyone and everything.

i did say two things, didn't i? second thing is, timing. all those treatments to cleanse and purify and rejuvenate help me to see and feel as my own true self. it becomes a joyous desire to invest attention and time to prepare myself. it throws a sacred light on applying cosmetics, draping jewelry, pinning head flower and placing pleats to just so. i am not doing things to make me into something i am not but, on the contrary, reflect my own beauty and luminosity.

it is so thrilling to be the vehicle to channel divine blessings to beautiful newly weds. the goddess that I am is showering loving wellwishes on the god and goddess that they are. the experience is humbling as well. It has taken the knowledge from the rishis, dedication of my vaidyagrama family and my guru's love to get me to this place. sukh. huwbby says, you have to acknowledge your own efforts too. he's right. he's always right, isn't he, the greatest god in my world.

love potion # 7

what do i eat during snehapana besides oil? firstly, oil here is considered medicine. as far as food goes. if and when all the oil has been digested, which is probably late afternoon to early evening, i get to have  thin congee and broth. it sounds terrible. but once the oil is in me all i focus on is frequently sip hot water and pay attention to burps. do they smell oil? o, yes, and also, do i feel hungry? i mean, literally, do i feel thunder in stomach?

last year, in my first round of panchakarma i drank oil for 3 days. this year i am upgraded. to 7 days. a sure sign that this is digging into deeper stuff. honestly on the eve before the final day i saw doubts flickering in the back of mind. i am not sure if i could do this another day. this afternoon i walked into the treatment room for a short massage and, boom, i was nauseous just from the oil particles floating in the air. it doesn’t help that i feel belly ache, ear ache, dizzy. at 8 pm hwubby took charge and beeped doctorji. dr harikrishnan came right over, literally in moments. after all his room is just a walkway from ours. by the way according to ayurveda text the relationship between doctor and patient is like father and son? what does that mean? well, father and son live under one roof. here in vaidyagrama they want authentic text so  the doctors live with their patients. this is practically a home hospital. and i have to say i am deeply moved by the way the doctors here are dedicated to provide authentic ayurveda care, to the point they either move their families to vaidyagrama or visit. the way the doctors live is what they teach us. live simply. live well. live healthy. live happy. they truly walk the talk. their strong and pure intention infuse the treatments and meds with that much more potency.

anyway back to the night before oil drinking day 7. doctorji examines and treats me. the truth is, having him by bedside, tapping up and down the belly, feeling his kind and caring presence already makes me feel better. i ask the burning question as i chew the tablets he gives me, doctorji, do you think i can make it? he says, do you want to? wow. his question reveals the light in my heart. i realize i am the one who have to take responsibility for my health. as dr ramkumar again and again says loud and clear, doctors are not healers, they are catalysts to help you to heal. if i do want to be truly healthy i have to put in some effort. there is this source of strength and courage and happiness within. the reason i am here for round two is to access that place and reclaim ownership of it. answering doctorji’s question i say, yes, i want to, i do. indeed, this is why i am here, therefore keep my eye on the purpose. the rest are just situations to take care of.

and so i surrender to the highest self, plunge into my purpose, take another 180 ml of warm golden oil with loud repetitions of om namah shivaya and the understanding that i am taking another step closer to liberation.

this also happens to be jan 1, 2013. a major puja is going on all day.

 major prasad too. look at that. rice, milk, jaggery, nuts, banana. honest to my highest self. i look at them, appreciate them, happy that i am in such a glorious puja and i am totally satisfied that i am bestowed a morsel of prasad. doctorji is right. that's how prasadam should be. every particle has absorbed the vibration of mantras and the nectar of devotion. more than worth its weight in gold.

meanwhile what about hwubby? he is super brave. on 6th day he took a full cup of 210 ml. he jokingly says, what are they going to do on 7th day? a second cup? well, no. turns out doctorji is really clever and compassionate. hwubby takes one look at the cup and says, this is a bigger cup. he looks down into the half empty cup and says, how much is this? doctorji, with a twinkle in his eyes, says, will tell you later. yeah. or else the mind will go, o me o my i don’t know if i can do 250 ml.

i must send a big bravo to hwubby. thru out snehapana he has not had any lox and bagel thought. as a matter of fact, we have been here for 3 weeks and he has not had craving for latte. i am not doing that bad either. for six days during snehapana i have had not food craving. until the last. guess what i am think obsessively about? congee. not plain white congee. i am talking about congee, chinese style. the whole host of ways that chinese do congee. chicken congee. fish congee. beef congee. squid congee. peanut congee. thousand year egg congee. nonetheless i have to applaud the power of having congee for 3 weeks. here i am talking about congee for breakfast, lunch and supper. and boiled veg. anyway, after three weeks of congee-fication even food thoughts are simpler, purer. hey, look at it this way. i’m not craving for double cheese burger or deep fried chicken or barbecue spare ribs. i consider this major progress. to arrive at this state of being is nothing to sneeze at. i mean, look at this. i would have gone to town with them not so long ago. but now i behold them with such light and lightness in me. really i taste the sweetness suffusing my being. i have a realization. this is why prasad is always sweet. it is an outer expression of the innermost self.

goddess i am

pujari

nine months and plenty of training, mentoring, shadowing and loads of practicing later i can now put myself together from head to toe. i know of pujaris who can do it in five minutes. what can i say? i am what i am. it takes me a lot longer than five minutes and i still have room for improvement especially pleating. but i hang in there and i am getting there. is it worth it? absolutely. it is such joy to perform arati, the ritual of waving a butter flame to express gratitude and the longing to become a blazing light which is none other than that inner light of our own innermost and highest self.

the jewelry and make up are, truly speaking, a glimpse of the awesome brilliance and grandeur of my own light. i don't need them to make me whole but it is certainly loads of fun figuring out ways to celebrate the inner beauty that is already there, to salute the arrival of the goddess.

himalayas come to us

this hair cut happens five weeks into our panchakarma at vaidyagrama. what's cool about this is that during the main treatments we are not allowed to cut hair, shave nor trim nails. really. i have never seen hwubby with a beard till then. that jew-fro is growing wild and happy. so why is that? according to ayurveda, the knowledge of health, wellbeing and longeity, nails and hair are wastes. their growth is part and parcel of the elimination and cleansing and purification process.

so on this sunday a barber from a neighboring village comes in and does his thing. i love it. when doctor harik comes in the next morning he says, nice cut, it's a boy cut. well, exactly how i would have liked it. what about hwubby. check this out.

gorgeous, huh. by the way, the guy he is with is shankar bhau. by-by the way, bhau is their endearing way of calling a friend 'brother.' sharkar bhau is the priest in a distinguished temple 11,000 feet up on himalayas. on november 15 of each year he would close the temple for winter. the last thing he does is to put enough ghee in a lamp so that it will keep ablaze thru out winter. this man, i'm telling you, is overflowing with joy and devotion. he blesses the mala that is around hwubby's neck. hwubby loves, loves, loves him. so do i. when he hums a vedic mantra i can feel the power that flows through five thousand years, that sources from before time and will go on as long as there is time. ever fresh. ever full. ever potent. he makes the prasad for the new year day puja. as i type this i am tasting the sweet vibration in that heavenly sweet.

see how fortunate we are. we don't have to go to himalayas. himalayas come to us. so let's chant.

prasad. blessed sweets

there are a handful times during our six and a half weeks in vaidyagrama when we actually had food that was sweetened with sugar. NO, not meals. definitely, absolutely not in the daily food. doctorji says, we don't cook for the tongue, we want your digestive system to rest and your liver to work as little as possible during panchakarma. so food in vaidyagrama is what in the west would label as 'high carb, low protein.' I am not exaggerating when i say one patient said, you are starving us. the truth of the matter is, according to ayurveda, i'm told, the ideal food protocol during panchakarma is this. two meals a day. boiled veg. kanji, meaning rice and water. it might sound unbearable. but i have to say, it really grows on me. after a short while i have to beg dr harik, pls, may i have kanji three times a day? no kidding. hwubby says, you have to understand how much suk wah loves to eat.

i discover that the natural flavors and tastes of veg comes through delightfully and enticingly by boiling them. this has made a huge shift in the way i cook now.

for those who are concerned with protein deficiency, don't you worry. there's plenty of mung. now at home we are eating mung in one form or another everyday. it's a must-have for hwubby's breakfast.

in addition, one of my daily meds is a cup of hot milk, that is freshly drawn from a cow on the grounds, and comes with a sweet med. on that note, we are so lucky in east bay. raw milk is available in berkeley bowl. it's at arm's length literally.

all right, what am i talking about? yes, divine sweets. periodically brahmin priests come to the grounds to perform pujas. The core purpose of any puja is to invoke grace, express gratitude for blessings bestowed upon us, pray for harmony, wellbeing for all, strength and courage to move through obstacles, both within and without. most of all we ask for divine guidance to connect with our own love, our divinity, within and see the same love and divinity in everything, everywhere in the universe.

it is the tradition to offer sweets that are specially made for the puja. here, if i recall correctly, it's rice, nuts, pure sugar cane juice, cardamom, ginger, turmeric. an offering to cows on that day in the year when we express our thanks to these phenomenal beings who work hard, serve mankind with quiet steadfastness and make miracle food from humble source. no exaggeration.  they eat grass and produce milk.

anyhow, such is the power of blessed food. it is infused with the nectarean vibration of the hours of vedic chants. truly sweets from seventh heaven. no wonder even doctor ji allow us to partake it during panchakarma. unless you are going thru some intensely intense treatment, like drinking ghee.

me ever fresh, ever new, ever young

without a doubt i have a beautiful life. but if i really had to say, if only i could and would, i would say i want to live the life of this seven year old. he is living and studying with a distinguished brahmin priest, vivek godbole. all day long he recites hymns from the vedas, the over five thousand year old indian scriptures. in between he milks cows and plays. i watch him in a study session. along with other students he sits cross-legged on the floor. an instructor walks back and forth. the students recite the mantras out loud. from these tender young vocal cords flow out these ancient sounds that shine bright and vibrant. every so often the instructor would gesture one student to recite on his own. the fresh, happy voice moves and melts my heart.

i may not have mastered the perfect pronunciation of the mantras. i probably will never be able to memorize a long mantra the way this little kid will be able to do in a few years. yet when i wave the flame to the great gurus who show me the way to my own flame within, i hear my own voice, fresh and young, rising within. i feel that part of me, that essence, that is ever new, ever fresh, ever young, shining and singing. it is my great good fortune that i was able to capture some of it on video. every time i watch it i am reminded how bright and beautiful i can be and ought to be, how fearless i am.

waving light in sari

this is not exactly the picture showing me waving light. but with me elbowing hwubby waving light it's close enough.

how did the sari situation go? marvelous. what happens was kate generously came in and watched me. the day before during practice on my own i could see there were two points where i was not clear which way to turn the fabric and to place the pleats. turns out, with kate's two decades of pujari experience, i should pin the pleats over the left shoulder on the upper back of the blouse. also i had to turn the fabric to the right, not to the left in order for the pleats to land properly over the chest.

even then i could see i wouldn't be able to do it beautifully on my own. not yet. because i couldn't execute that pinning on the upper left back of the blouse. i would have to be able to bend my limbs like a pretzel. :)

the most thrilling part is hwubby came to see me wave the light. i heard his voice rising above the rest as i happily swayed the light. and then i got to give out chocolates to hwubby and everybody there. i am serious when i say i truly feel the inner devi is released.

puja in satara

besides doing 46 days of panchakarma in india what else were we up to? how about this. a six hour puja. performed by a very esteemed and beloved brahmin priest. we have the joy and privilege to call him vivek bhau. the indian lady who chaperoned us was stunned in awe when she first found out this was the brahmin priest we were going to. she calls vivek bhau guruji. anyway my point is it is our great good fortune that he would do the puja for hwubby's book. later when hwubby was talking to the dean of a college in pune about marketing, he mentioned he did a puja. the lady immediately says, you did puja, that's big marketing.

where am i? vivekbhau. his chanting of vedic mantras  is, literally, awesome. his sound fills up the atmosphere, reaches out to all ten thousand corners, touches the far edges of the universe, draws in nectar and lifts my heart to the seventh heavens. i can feel the presence of the deities coming upon us. they are very pleased.