where structure and spontaneity rise and merge.

sleeping in 2 days in a row.

the mind is in some sort of suspension, in the middle of nowhere. i know why. the mind needs to get out of some old wiring and some new mental circuitry has to be put in place.

my editor says, your mind doesn't work in a cause and effect way, and it has to for the book to work. these heavenly creatures, monkey, pig, phoenix can't just keep popping out of nowhere. and what is quan yin's plan for her? these creatures' appearances must have a purpose in terms of quan yin's plan for suk wah in the book.

as i watch thoughts and reactions out of hurt pride and the tendency to defend ready to pounce i realize the cumulative power of my practices are lifting me out of the old way. i don't think i could have taken  the metaphor my editor lay out if i were not in a relatively quiet space within.

it's from einstein, my editor says as she draws a dog with its nose up against a wall. she keeps adding lines above and below the wall and the dog turns out to be on a step along a flight of stairs. the dog is trying hard to move forward, but the only way forward is up. einstein says, you can't solve a problem on its level, you must go up.

aaah. the mind has to go up. into the quiet space of the inner self, the source of all creativity, where structure and spontaneity rise and merge.

no wonder i feel drawn to sit down to sing aum and hum. seriously i am already seeing sparks popping up here and there. tiny but sparks nonetheless.