new era

wide awake at 2.40. all i can think of is to get up and meditate. i end up sitting more than two hours. feels like stepping into a new era.

as i enjoy the breath ever deepening and lengthening i sense this inner clarity becoming more refined and subtler. i can see things i didn't see before. case in point. there were beautiful lights in a meditation experience recently. that much i am certain. but there is something about the experience that i can't quite grasp. until now. i recognize i am watching the lights kind of like looking up from the depth of ocean where shafts and swathes of refracted lights wave through the gently moving waters.

it's all so very alive. peaceful and dynamic all at once. it's telling me something. i feel a closeness to them like they are my immediate family. no, it's like they are parts of me. i can trust them. they have no other purpose but to help me to transform, to become what i can be from what i am.

it dawns on me the ocean is none other than my consciousness. the lights are rays of my inner self. they are lovely. they are glamorous. they are what i want. they are what i have. they are what i am.

my meditation teacher says, we meditate not to attain god from outside. we meditate to become aware of god within. this is my humble experience.