come close to. sacrifice.

'life is not like an abandoned fruit. yet it requires absolute sacrifice.'

wow. these two lines from the poem 'breakthrough' snaps the mind into a blank. what to make of it? how to approach the timeless and timely wisdom within the garland of words? the first question that comes to mind is this. what does 'sacrifice' mean? that sets in motion a train of contemplation. this word has really a lot of baggage. all have to do with giving up something near and dear to the heart desires. it has a flavor profile of suffering and misery. even death. then it occurs to me a simple idea. go back to the basic of basics. what does this word mean? where does this word come from?

so over shabbos meal i ask my rabbi, what does the hebrew word that got translated into 'sacrifice' mean? he says, kor'baan. typing it out doesn't do the word justice. it sounds so pure and beautiful. there's a metallic timbre to it. almost like a ringing bell. rabbi says, but it has nothing to do with all that is now commonly associated with the word 'sacrifice.' he pauses momentarily. i wait with an open heart and mind and mouth. he says, it means 'come close to.'

there i have it. that which gets me close to god, close to my own true nature. if it means letting go of things that the ego holds dear and the world deem indispensable, so be it.

marraige is fantastic for spiritual growth

why did i go to portland? because hwubby has to go through a dental implant procedure and it breaks my heart that he has to come back to the hotel after it and be alone with the swelling and discomforts. he says, you don't have to go. i say, i want to go. he says, that would be so nice. and if it were me he would have done it ten times over for me.  we are so fortunate to have each other as we strive to recognize our highest selves more and more in each moment. if we hold our hands and see the ego self in each other we would have divorced a long time ago. instead we support each other in seeing and being in our supreme inner self. is that selfish? no. because as a result i am better able to see the highest self in him. and in others. i've come a long way but i still have a lot of work to do before fully realized. nonetheless i see the greatness of marriage. it's a fantastic way for spiritual growth. and when it's the right one it's so much fun. i am lucked out, really. i can't even imagine living with my former full-blown ego self. brave hwubby.

why don't i remember dreams? 38 m + 7 m

i don't remember most of the dreams i have had. in fact for a long time, what i could remember, at best, was the quality of them. stuffed with worry, fear, anxiety, panic, smallness and their extended family.

so when rabbi lerner asks us, why don't we remember dreams, i really perk up my ears because i don't know and i want to know.

tendency not yet uprooted. 39 m + 16 m

sitting in the enchanting sound and soothing movement of the breath i am steeped in the certainty that this is more than worth it to get up in the winter mornings.

not so fast, suk wah. what about yesterday? whoops.