in the presence of a wonder-filled person

i never know where, when and how i receive a sublime, joyous learning experience. case in point. we are invited to dinner with a couple whom i have never met. i get into the back of the car from the passenger side. i see the man who is driving and the brim of the hat of the woman sitting in front of me. all this happen in the midst of a heavy storm during busy traffic in the dark in portland, oregon. o, yes, and my mind is all worked up about walking one and a half blocks from the parking lot to the restaurant in beaded slippers. so it isn't until i settle into a comfortable chair, look across the table and catch the sight of the woman removing her hat and... what do i see? before i know it i hear words streaming out of me. your head has a beautiful shape. it turns out this lady has a lot more than a gorgeous, shining head. she was diagnosed with stage four cancer. four years later she is still here, radiant and beaming. what a luminous smile she has. in a lighthearted and low key tone she says, in a way and manner that is naturally woven into an animated dinner conversation, that every year and a half she has to go through a chemo regimen. it has six sessions of five hour each. meanwhile she is a gardener, an active member in a gardening club, goes to tuscany to visit gardens and keeps her life affairs in order. she is not in denial about where she is. she is not stuck in it either. she is bright, smart and curious. a total delight to be with.

as i type this i realize i have come into the presence of a great and wonder-filled person. her inner light shines forth beautifully and brightly. in her company it is so easy to be in the present moment.

marraige is fantastic for spiritual growth

why did i go to portland? because hwubby has to go through a dental implant procedure and it breaks my heart that he has to come back to the hotel after it and be alone with the swelling and discomforts. he says, you don't have to go. i say, i want to go. he says, that would be so nice. and if it were me he would have done it ten times over for me.  we are so fortunate to have each other as we strive to recognize our highest selves more and more in each moment. if we hold our hands and see the ego self in each other we would have divorced a long time ago. instead we support each other in seeing and being in our supreme inner self. is that selfish? no. because as a result i am better able to see the highest self in him. and in others. i've come a long way but i still have a lot of work to do before fully realized. nonetheless i see the greatness of marriage. it's a fantastic way for spiritual growth. and when it's the right one it's so much fun. i am lucked out, really. i can't even imagine living with my former full-blown ego self. brave hwubby.

pastrami through the eye of inner self

what can i say about my meditation experience today? a little deeper into my own inner self. a little higher into my own inner self. what do i mean by that? not that i don't have thoughts. i have them. i see them. some are negative. some are positive. but what's fascinating today is i realize i don't care about their contents. i don't have the impulse to go after them and ask questions like, why do i have this thought? why does it come up now? in fact i see how random they are. and fleeting too. they really are fast as lightning bolts. now i see them for what they are i am just aware of their coming and going from afar, anchored in the vast shelter of my own inner self. there's this real sense that i am rooted in this strong, clear, bright and open inner quiet. i feel safe. now that i am getting more used to being in this state i can't imagine i would want to go back to where i was. but here's the funny thing. back when i was in that state of getting swept up and tossed around in the torrents of thoughts, feelings and emotions i thought that was the only way to be. last night hwubby and i went to this deli in portland, oregon to try their hand-made, home-smoked, hand-sliced pastrami. i say, good pastrami. hwubby doesn't like it so much. he says, it's not new york pastrami. i contemplate on this. i realize in hwubby's mind, he sees pastrami through the thoughts, feelings and emotions of a new yorker, a brooklyn boy. if i may say so he doesn't see this home-made pastrami through the eye of his own inner self:)

i am unconventional. period.

basking in the early afternoon sunshine under the clear sky in the lovely hotel courtyard i am so proud of myself and settled in the shade of the inner sky. i have reconstructed the lost recordings. along the way i pick up a few fresh sparks that, in my editor's words, are out-of-the-box, unconventional and beautiful in the way only i can make it work. in fact, on more than one occasions as we go through the pages, she says, i never thought this could work but it works. one time she points to a specific thing and says, i love this, is this a chinese literature thing? or your thing? not missing a beat i say, it's my thing.

i am unconventional. period. hwubby, one of a kind, that's for sure. now that i know it i have to write it and live it.

this morning's meditation is a simple and clear experience of inner quiet and clarity. that's who i am. that's my inner self. that's the source of all fresh things. writer's block? what's that?