full faith and surrender at all times

how important is it to stay in the present? can't say enough of it. can't remind myself enough of it. here's a fresh experience. i have been trying to reach a person regarding a specific thing in a specific place in india. somehow we have been playing phone tag and the clock is ticking. i can see a whisper of agitation hanging in the mental horizon. but it has also been pretty easy to turn attention to the steady and rhythmic movement of the breath and so it am back in the present. all right. meanwhile life goes on in all directions. in the  context of taking care of something that is unrelated to india a person is bringing some people to our house to meet us. at the arranged time i hear a knock on the door. upon opening it i see several people but one particular person seizes my attention. a tall, beautiful, young indian woman. how beautiful? she brings to mind the presence of a devi from the hindu pantheon. anyway my point is this. she turns out to be from that specific place in india. so there you have it. what's needed at all times is full faith and surrender to the present moment. otherwise i would miss out on what grace is revealing to me.

mistake now. boon later.

i thought i made a total screw up and ended up with this pot of spice water. turns out it's a huge blessing. it's been the foundation of my lunch since. it's forgiving. it's versatile. i throw in whatever veggies there are in the fridge, and i mean whatever. for instance, the stalks leftover from steaming chard leaves, leftover fresh garbanzo beans from yet another meal, even leftover noodle. best yet, leftover chicken stock, courtesy from lois after she whipped up risotto. since this is high altitude, soup is actually very good for hydrating. in the meantime i can devote more time to working on the book while making a nice lunch effortlessly. who knew something that looks so wrong one day becomes something so right a day later.

and so it is on the spiritual path. that which look terrible by all accounts at the time reveal to be boons and blessings down the line. just stay with it, stay open and stay in the present. all this is grace. all this is grace. all this is grace.

patience rules. perseverance trumps all else.

the great people of japan are showing the world how to live in the present. everyday i include them in my meditation. but it is they who are blessing me with their shining examples. their quiet, steady presence don't make the stuff of spectacular news headlines. patience rules. perseverance trumps all else. not really sexy, catchy to the physical eyes. yet, i know from my own one-step-forward, ten-step-back journey on the path, the wings of patience and perseverance hold me up and lift me through tsunamis and massive earthquakes in turbulent mental waters and roller-coaster circumstances. okay, i am wrong to say there are absolutely no drama that can be captured in this seemingly muddled toil. how about this? a road that is split into chasms looking like miniature grand canyon during the earthquake is repaired and paved brand new after three days. three days. as my guru says, again and again, to this effect, with patience, you can attain anything.

it's not my life.

here's what it comes down to. anything that takes me away from the task at hand, unless it's a real life or death emergency, means taking me out of the present moment, out of the calm and centered state of my own great self. anything. no exception. i must be brutal about it. i can offer understanding and compassion, lend a listening ear. having said that i have to be clear that i refuse to be an enabler and get dragged into other's drama. period. once i heard a person going on and on to a monk about the vivid details of his life woes. now i have to make it clear that they have known each other a long time. the monk listens intently without a sound. finally when the man is done he asks, what should i do with my life, swamiji? without missing a beat the monk bursts into laughter, gives him a pat on the back, and says, it's not my life. for a moment the man is stunned. then he starts to laugh too.

out of present and an ankle sprained.

staying fully in the present is the way to plan the future. case in point. i am at the edge of the entrance to the sukka, the temporary outdoor hut, on the way to indoor when a person stops me in my tracks. we speak a little bit. i know i am not fully present because the mind is all about what i want to do next and the body is still in the forward momentum. and so it is when i turn around and put a foot forward i am not looking at where i am going and...whoops, i almost miss a step and end up with a sprained ankle. that, of  course, has impact on the moments in the future.

i have a place of pure joy within

there is this tendency that i haven't looked at in a while. to embrace condition and circumstance as it is. not as i would like. not as i had planned. once i heard a wise indian lady say, when asked how to live in the world, hold god in your heart and follow the rules of the world. the words passed into my left ear and out through the right. i didn't get it. i wasn't ready.

lately i notice i've been presented with situations where all that i had planned, all that i wished would come to pass in a certain way, flip inside out and twist and turn in unexpected ways. i also notice i've been doing much better than before. by and large i just stay present, take care of thing the way they are in a calm and centered way. hurt feelings? nope. disappointment? nope. resentment? nope. instead i feel i am in this rock solid quiet, happy place. indeed. there is a quiet, happy place within. the joy rising from there is pure, free and self-born. it is not attached to anything, anyone.

here's the kick. seeing everything from this place i connect dots i couldn't before. seemingly intractable situations don't daunt me anymore. i see fresh possibility in stagnancy. i see sparkling cracks in stuckness. i'm ready, willing and able to listen to the guidance from the inner self while following the ever changing situation.

this morning's meditation is just that. bright, quiet, pure joy. shimmering fearlessness.

miracle hwubbies, miracle food. miracle buddies.

i'm walking through shivaa's gardens ready to rock'n roll another evening of wonderful and marvelous meditation, chanting, studying and... eating. so there i am oooh-ing and aaahhh-ing at the abundantly blooming roses and who leaps into my vision but norm's beaming, welcoming presence. of course i'm opinionated. i think my hwubby is the best of the best but i have to say norm comes in a really close second:) this is his day off and he is totally blissed out having us taking up his house for a greater part of the day. he is always happy, really happy, infectiously happy. i say, hey, what are you doing? he chuckles, i'm mowing and i'm happy. there you have it. meditation in action. he's humble too. such a great combo.

we chant amidst veils of rose scents rolling in through the windows. gives an extra lift to the vedic hymn. feel it in my voice. feel it in our one voice. 

shivaa puts me in charge of getting her garden greens into the salad bowl. i almost ruin it. i see some pretty little lavender blooms sprinkled around the lettuce leaves. i just jump to the conclusion that they are overgrown weed that got mixed up into the lettuces. so i ignore the little nudge from within that says, ask shivaa, and toss them into the food scrap tin as i break up the lettuces, dill, fennel. the refreshing scent coming off the bowl builds and builds. shivaa throws in mango chunks, instructs me to add cranberries, raisins, roasted peanuts. i say to myself, i'm doing such a good job. and i hear shivaa say, where are the thyme flowers? ooops.

here's the thing. being around generous spirits like shivaa makes it that much easier to not get sucked into the tendency to beat up myself. it helps that much more to weaken the impact of negative tendency when i am around dedicated yogis who understand that nothing takes away or add to the inner self and so accept me as i am along with all those, let's say, residual habits. an even greater thing is they care about me enough to call me in moments of forgetting and disconnecting from the inner self. case in point, i am kind of rambling on and ruth, in her clear and bright voice, kindly says, get to the point. love it. i'm truly fortunate to have buddies who are so present.

as we share our reflections on our spiritual journey we listen to each other with an open mind, laugh our hearts out and munch our way through those yummy dishes that shivaa skillfully prepared with so much sweetness and thoughtfulness. the lima bean soup is sublime. the shittake base infuses an ethereal fragrance to the earthy, creamy soup that looks like molten alabaster. it's a beauty to behold with petite peas floating, red quinoa, carrot bits. taking it straight up to the seventh heaven with an inspired move shivaa made a mint yogurt chutney. i slurp down two nice bowl-fuls besides hummus with tapernade and chunky quacamole with a touch of tangerine. it's a miracle that i could meditate after all this for no reason other than they are truly miracle food.

miracle food. miracle buddies. lucky me. inner growth, truth growth, has never been easier. and fun too. lots of yuummy fun.

empathy involves listening without judgment

yesterday hwubby says, what is a simple definition of empathy? i say, i don't know for sure but i think it involves listening without judgment, jumping to conclusion and 'fixing the problem.' hwubby says, o, that's very good. i say, so what's your definition. he says, well then, for now, i think it is 'accepting and/or listening to the other's experience without judgment, jumping to conclusion and 'fixing the problem.' do you think it's 'accepting', or 'listening', or both. i think a moment and say, listening is good, it's a simple and direct action, neutral. somehow accepting, in my simple mind, carries an implication of going along with it even though you don't agree with it, you don't like it.

this morning i'm already having an opportunity to be empathetic towards myself. i see thoughts, appearing every now and then, all to do with going back into the past, beating myself up and wishing things to be different. i watch them upping and downing in intensity while i recognize them as residual tendency. all they do is take me away from the present moment, out of my inner self and disconnect me from the capability to see the situation as it is right now and deal with it the way it is. really, my inner self stays full and undiminished however things turn out. that's the real bottom line.

being with inner self is letting go of fear of unknown

the mind comes awake in a snap but the body is lying totally still. for a while in the night my entire existence is being aware of the deep and long breathing roaming the vast inner world that has no ends and edges. the experience is exquisite. the silence is throbbing with a sense of full and rich being. there's no place outside i'd rather be.

after a while i hear with the inner ear this message. staying in the present is how you plan the future. this is the answer to the tendency to worry. i am facing a whole host of issues that i can't see how they might turn out. meanwhile unexpected twists and turns are showing up left and right. i can see the tendency to know what is going to happen lurking. but really the best way to take care of them is to keep myself firmly anchored in the inner self. only then can i see with a clear sky mind what might be an entryway that eventually leads to an outcome that i am not even aware of its existence right now. it's only through moment-by-moment presence that i can be with the play of consciousness, that i am not shutting out the possibility of possibilities. 

ultimately, it's all about letting go of the fear of the unknown. and the only way i know how to do that is to strengthen and deepen my connection with the inner self through meditation.

how easy it is to be out of the present

as i enjoy my meditation more and more i notice a subtle shift in the way i express myself. one example. i can't wait to...  on the surface the expression seems fine. yet little by little i feel less and less comfortable with it. this morning while i am reveling in the rich and dynamic energy flowing through the ever deepening and refining breath and the resonance that go with it it dawns on me that in the moment when i think, feel or say 'i can't wait to do this or that, go here or there, be with this person or that person' i'm out of the present, stepping out of connection to the inner self.

best way to multi-task? stay in the present

hwubby says, i like to do many things at the same time, wify likes to do one thing at a time. i think he's right...up to a point. after all at any given moment he can only be doing one thing even though his eyes are on the email screen, ears glued to the cell and fingers typing a doc.

anyhow it comes to me in meditation that the best way to multi-task is stay in the present. because the inner self is eternally in the present. i may look like i am doing only one thing. but what about the mind? hwubby would put it kindly. wify likes to think ahead. but the truth is the habitual tendency to worry runs old and deep. totally fear-based. i acknowledge i am doing better. now i see the thoughts and feelings that take me out of the present before they seize me up. a huge step forward.

out of the present and can't see what i ought to see

one thing after another appear from unexpected directions. this week is going to be a jam packed one. as i see yet one more to-do come up i also sense the old habit of feeling overwhelmed and inadequate rearing its head along the mental horizon. fortunately the cumulative power of meditation and practices come to my rescue. much quicker and sooner than what it used to be. consciously i return awareness to the humming sound in the nice and flowing breath as well as the understanding that as long as i stay connected to the inner self i will know what to do (or not to to) in the present moment. the truth of the matter is if i am stuck in such feelings i am increasing the probability of doing the wrong thing because i am out of the present and can't see what i ought to see.