9/8/09, 38 m + 1 hr 5 m, to know god

after 2 days away from formal sitting meditation i don't what to expect and i let go of all and any expectation. i say, i would be happy just to be able to sit. and what do i feel? like i'm returning to a place i love like no other. once i'm there i don't want to leave. i just sit and sit, let my attention ride on the wind of the easy and natural breath. i sail into the open sea within. i recall the dream i had last night. in part of it, i am given a pair of exquisite beautiful peep-toe flats before walking through a door into a cavernous space. i can't see the ceiling nor the floor. i think to myself, truly this is what it means by sky is the limit. i fly around leisurely at my own pace, pausing every so often at the beings meditating in spaces jutting out of the ancient tree trunks and branches. some look spectacularly outrageous, other look simple and ordinary. the sensation of flying is so marvelous and familiar all at once. i try to look for a space to sit down to meditate but i see poop smear in the unoccupied spots. i'm hesitating when an elaborately dressed woman is called to the front by a voice. then i watch the voice performing some sort of a ritual on her. she falls into a trance, her garments beginning to come apart revealing fair skin. meanwhile i feel a sensation of opening and relaxing in the vagina. the wonderful, soothing feeling suffuses every particle of my being like tea imbuing water. in a quiet way i realize what i truly want to do for my life. to know god. and i ve found the way. thank you, god, for meditation.