9/1/09, 40 + 40, not to fear at all

2 am. a fascinating state. not sleepy enough to go back to sleep but no desire to get out of bed either. all i want is just to keep the eyes closed and revel in this roaring quiet rumbling through me. the fingers and toes are one beating heart, pong, pong, pong. at one point there is this tiny thought, i am not having a heart attack, am i? but there is no fear, no fear at all, only a sense of vastness, spaciousness.

eventually i sleep a little more before waking to find myself singing a little song over and over: the entire world is a narrow bridge, the whole point is not to fear, not to fear at all. the great hassidic sage bal sham tov wrote it. and now across time and space his wisdom, courage and strength fills me up through the hauntingly beautiful melody and simple words. on its own and by itself the song swirls and dances in me.