9/2/09, 38 + 12, the world's a narrow bridge

took 3 hrs to get out of bed. woke up at 3 overcome with tiredness and the thought 'i can't do this, i have to sleep.' so i did. awoke again around 5, and was convinced i wouldn't be able to get through the day if i didn't sleep more. but at the same time i could sense something different was going on inside me. it's kind of like being on a roller coaster ride at high speed and a big turnaround is coming up. i just knew from the depths of my being that i was not going to skip meditation. i could see the mind was on the cusp of snowballing: maybe i meditate shorter today? maybe i'll skip making chai? maybe...just then i heard hubby say, i have to leave the house no later than 8.30, and we have to have a biz meeting, so let's meet at 7.30. wo-wo-wo, the inner turnaround was immediate and dramatic. my attention was scooped up and lifted high out of the quagmire of inertia and resistance. just like that i was awake. truly the world is a narrow bridge. it's so easy to be thrown off balance and fall off course. as a matter of fact, the yogis put it even more bluntly. this life is walking across a tumultuous ocean on a double-edged sword.