9/11/09, 39 + 43 letting off steam

i'm watching steam fiercely pushing out around the pot cover rim of the boiling whole oats. it's 4.30am. i lift the pot cover a little and billows of steam rush out. in that moment i realize why every so often i have to skip meditation a day or two. i'm meditating regularly and intensely. tremendous meditation energy is building up. a lot of habitual tendencies are being pulled up, weakened and pulled out. it's a lot of work. enormous heat is generated. so every now and then i need to cool it off a little bit. i don't have to worry that i would slacken and not return to meditation. i've past the point of no return. i'm so in love with meditation i can't imagine living without it for more than a couple of days in a row. if anyone said to me 20 years ago, one day you would feel satisfied and at peace just sitting quietly with your eyes closed i would have said, that's impossible.