Monday, March 15, 2010

wish i could stay there forever.

i'm going to meditate without the timer for a while. let me see how it plays out. actually i think today i sit for over one and a half hours. there's no doubt that i go to a deeper and higher place. quiet. tranquil. throbbing with simple joy. and it is within myself. the sensation of returning to the awareness of the body is gradual. i'm just traveling with the steady humming of the moving breath. i feel somewhat sad that i have to leave and i see the thought, i wish i could stay there forever.

i say to hwubby, i've had enough of that inner critic telling me, this is not the right word, this is not enough, this is not good enough. i want to stay open, stay focused, stay present. he says, isn't it part of the process to get the word, sentence, whatever, right? i say, you're right. i agree. except for timing. this is the time to up the forward momentum, sketch contours of scenes. so i tend to get stuck while digging for the right word, metaphor, phrase and so on. at this point it is disruptive. it doesn't serve the purpose towards making the book i want to make.

my editor says, fool around with it. maybe this happens. maybe that happens. so this part here is just playing with it, and see what happens, over and over. believe me, if you do it this way, if you just play, and be in the unknown. let yourself be in the unknown, it will all fall together. it really will.

i don't know. it sounds scary. but it sounds right too.

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