Saturday, August 29, 2009

41 + 33, crazy horse

you are a crazy horse, my editor says, and this is a woman who knows what she is talking about and not exactly a mainstream, 'normal', 'regular' person herself. so i guess i have to really embrace my 'craziness'. to start with, i kind of have this recurring feeling that, even with the beautiful life i have, i am living from one meditation to the next. yet, for the most part, i don't have words for my meditation experiences. whatever words i come up with i just know that they are, at best, approximate what actually takes place in the meditation. like today. there i am, sitting still, doing nothing but breathing in deep and breathing out long. the inbreaths keep getting a little deeper and the outbreaths keep getting a little longer. and then this thought arises on its own: now i know why so many writers smoke. at least i know one of the reasons. it involves drawing long deep breaths. is this a crazy thought? probably. but who cares?! but in a 'crazy' way it explains why i somehow believe i don't need to smoke in order to write.

hey, i didn't think i had a word to write about today's meditation. look what happened.

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