Tuesday, August 18, 2009

39+28 unperturbed

i'm scratching my head wondering, what is my meditation experience today? no word, nothing comes to mind. but i did sit quietly for more than an hour. as i am sipping chai wondering what this is about...ooooommm, i remember something. i was in the kitchen grinding spices a little while before meditating when all of a sudden i saw a little mouse darting out from a crack between the dishwasher and cabinet. just when my mind registered that i had horrific childhood experiences with mice the little thing already disappeared back into the darkness beyond the crack. what did i do then? i folded up a grocery bag, stuffed up the crack, went upstairs, pulled out the home warranty, read the fine print, and then i prepared for meditation.

indeed, the quiet within my being is secure, safe...and unperturbed. i did see a trace of fear. it passed outside the stillness. what about the imprint left by the trauma? gone. kind of like a horror movie sprang up in the mind, i watched it and left the moviehouse fully knowing that it's but a movie. it's not me. i'm not that scared child anymore.

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