meditation is so much fun. 40 m + 23 m

meditation never ceases to amaze me.

case in point. today while i am enjoying my breath flowing freely everywhere in the body and consciousness, humming and buzzing happily all the way into the bone marrow, i see 5 words bright and clear: stay present; watch; have fun.

i know right away this is the fruit of my sustaining contemplation on what i ought to learn from this mouse episode.

meditation: connection technology, mobile experience device. 40 m + 29 m

coming out of meditation today is like rising up from somewhere deep within at a slow, steady pace. i'm not a diver but it comes to me this is probably sort of like a diver rising up from the ocean deep.

the feeling is exquisite beyond measure. the firmament of consciousness is fundamentally an enigma. yet quietly humming from its vast space is a complex, symphonic sense that holds the synergy of so many wonderful things. in one moment i taste delightful sweetness, in that moment vibrant contentment, and, in another, bright aliveness. together they become one sense, the sense that i own phenomenal magic within.

humming mmm is my new habit. 41 m + 34 m

i notice a new habit is shaping up.

it all began at the beginning of the year. and spontaneously too. after i finish singing 36 rounds of aum, i would glide into humming the extended resonance mmmm. the buzz would build and build. it would fill up the arms, hands, until the fingers feel like living, warm water balloons bouncing gently.

soon molecules and cells from deep within the body respond and reverberate in sync. there's something phenomenally calming and settling about it. sweet too. 

mousy contemplation goes on. 45 m + 49 m

the 'mouse' contemplation continues.  or, shall i say, unfolds.

as i go about the  day i notice that the dread of a mouse running up my leg ebbs and flows. invariably it spikes when i have to go into the kitchen.

but, here's the thing, the fear no longer chain and shackle me. there are a couple of times that i pause a moment, take a couple of rounds of deep and long breaths before i cross over the threshold and that's it. i'm not held back by fear.

mouse in the house and yogic realization. 45 m + 1 hr 2 m

this morning the problem is not about getting out of bed. the problem is this, should i get hwubby to go downstairs with me?

what's happening is there's a mouse in the house. yesterday we did what we could. actually i should say hwubby did the heavylifting, reaching into the back of pantry drawers to vacuum and stuff wall holes with steel wool.

by now the mouse is probably somewhere inside the fireplace, up there in the chimney. the kitchen table is piled with baking stuff and spices. the kitchen and pantry floors are a mess with the vacuum cleaner and bags and jars of provisions.

my dilemma is this. all this have stirred up bad memories.

god takes you, a haitian father prays. 45 m + 1 hr 3 m

13th day since the earthquake in haiti. as with the previous 12 days, i offer every sacred vibration in the garland of the divine sound aum and every timeless moment in the extended meditation to all in haiti, living and departed.

as you continue your journey in this world or the world beyond may you be guided by god's mercy and courage. may your global brothers and sisters keep sending in support in all forms, tangible and intangible, from all corners.

in the words of a father as he etches his son's name into the sand that is spread over the grounds of a cemetery in where he believes his son's body lie: god takes you, my son, one day we'll meet again. amen.

meditation is my connection technology. 39 m + 37 m

an instructive comes through clearly and gently as i prepare the body into the easy lotus posture. pay kaiser bill today.

i immediately know that i have forgotten all about this one amidst getting the month-end and year-end financial data ready.

but, here's the deal. i notice a few things about my inner state. first, it's utterly unperturbed. the tendency to beat myself up is nowhere. second, i realize when i send out the payment today i am not paying ahead of time, nor behind, but, rather, right on time. so it's not too much time, too little time, but, just enough time.

audrey hepburn's beauty tips. 40 m + 29 m

i love audrey hepburn. she has the neck of a swan. there are others who are beautiful, elegant and all that. yet i've always felt there's something about her that is beyond that. i feel like no matter how i try to describe her it's just not all she is. i have a photo of her in a t-shirt and pony tail and she shines like the princess of the whole wide world.

hwubby knows i love her. he says, here's something about your little audrey.

it's a poem she wrote when she was asked to share her 'beauty tips.' it was read at her funeral years later. it goes like this.

may we serve the inner self of each other. 40 m + 25 m

8th day.

a luminous visual hovers in my meditation. a little haitian boy, surrounded and held by rescue workers, barely moments after they extracted him from the darkness under rubbles for seven days, bursting into a toothy smile and stretching out his skinny arms.

thank you. you have taught me by your example what it means to be fully in the present moment. you are going through such difficult circumstances and your resilience shines bright and strong.

may our unwavering faith be the guiding light and source of strength as we help each other through this, through anything. may we allow the force of healing and transformation move through the diverse us. may we serve the inner self of each other.

holding our haitian neighbors in supreme consciousness. 39 m + 16 m

the smiling moon last night is exquisite. it quietly keeps me company as i leave vito's sweet and charming abode after an evening of ecstatic chanting, stilling meditation and yumyum eating.

shivaa, ever thoughtful and sensitive, made little toasts of spelt bread topped with cherry tomato chunks and olive oil. each piece is a satisfying meal on its own.

by the way, i can no longer own the title 'i am a ch-ew/jew-nese' now that we have shu lin with us. it's so uplifting to see a young adult knowing with such cheerful conviction what the top priority in her life is. watching her dedication to spiritual study and service is truly inspiring. and she is so poised, so beautiful. hey, the tribe of ch-ew/jew-nese is growing fast and strong:) and not to forget we can shop talk the nuts and bolts of gluten-free, wheat-free baking and cooking.

i digress.

our primary intention is to hold all embodied souls, living and passing, in haiti, in our awareness as we surf and swim in the pond of nectar of the sacred sounds. i have no doubt that i am in this protected and sheltered space within and without. the subtle sound stays in my consciousness all the way. at some point i forget the limited, habitual thinking that here i am in my consciousness, there they are, vito, shivaa and shu lin, in their different consciousness. in a quiet and clear manner i see that we are united in one transcendental state while being diverse.

in this way i see the soothing supreme consciousness imbuing everyone of our haitian neighbors.

sacred burials in the cathedral of consciousness. 45 m + 16 m

7th day.

may the sublime sound of aum cleanse and purify all corners of haiti. may all departing souls in haiti bathe in the ocean of supreme consciousness.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/19/world/americas/19grave.html?hp

as i allow myself to rest into the extended resonance of the sacred syllable every cell in the body responds. i visualize every reverberation, every buzz, every tingle transform into a dignified and respectful crypt fit for the brothers and sisters in haiti.

may you all rest in the cathedral of consciousness.

may it be so. may it be so. may it be so.

honor and respect the departing souls in haiti. 38 m + 21 m

6th day. in this simple mind, one of the many urgent needs in haiti right now is to pay honor and respect to the tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands, of embodied souls that are leaving in catastrophic circumstances.

i continue to do so through chanting and meditation.

on saturday, 4th day, i did kaddish during sabbath morning service. also sent healing prayers and blessings to everyone on the ground there, in the company of fellow torah students.

on sunday, 5th day, were shree rudram, shree guru gita with fellow yogis.

out of different traditions, the sacredness and kindness of the vibration is one.

may each and everyone of the passing souls be at peace, and find refuge in the house of the lord forever. may it be so.

invoking grace for the departing souls in haiti. 45 m + 9 m

today's meditation has a special and specific focus: invoking grace for the departing souls in haiti, may each one of you be at peace on your continued journey.

as i sing aum and plunge into the ocean of my breath i make a conscious effort to bring up the images brought to my attention by courtesy of the courage and dedication of many people from all corners of the globe. i take a moment to send prayers and blessings to each and everyone of my haitian brothers and sisters. i don't know any of their names. doesn't matter. they all have their own inner selves, as bright and big as mine.

time is elastic. 45 m + 17 m

for the third day i include my haitian brothers and sisters in singing aum and meditation.

for the third day i spontaneously slide into doing the nasal resonance before settling into the ocean of my breath.

for the third day i hear this from within, be light, be the light that you are.

with that i drop into the great deep of consciousness where time is elastic. hwubby says, last night i meditated 10 minutes, it was deep as can be, and this morning i meditated an hour, it was great and it didn't feel any longer or shorter than that ten minutes, isn't it something? it sure is something.

sucking bone, inner self. 45 m + 33 m

it isn't until i hear the timer going ugg-ugh-ugh that it occurs to me i drop out in the midst of singing aum.

truly it's a wonderful and marvelous thing. i'm filled with this buoyancy spiced with this robust buzz in the arms, hands and fingers. i feel so safe in the strong and sturdy posture. the comfort level is way high, beyond measure. the spine is a masterfully constructed column permeating delicious lights. at one point i remember two of my all time favorite eating pleasures: sucking the tiny bit of fluid between vertebrae and joints, extracting bone marrow. in fact, i just had a great time last night sorting through a big pot of soup of lamb shanks and fresh ginger that was cooked for six hours. i guess i could call that meditation in action:)

what good does it do not to forget i am the inner self? 45 m + 15 m

for now it's taking me longer than i would like to get up. am i lazy? what is it?

here's what i observe. as i leave the state of sleep i am aware of nothing else but the sound and movement of the gentle, easeful breath. in that state i remember nothing else, i know nothing else, i want nothing else. i am this hungry infant latched onto the nipple and won't let go and if you dangle the biggest diamond in front of it it couldn't care less.

that is a sweet and quiet state without worry, anxiety, or any relative of fear. but it is so alive, pulsating with the inaudible buzz of life force. the silence is thrilling. the stillness is exhilarating.

and so it is not difficult for me to hold back the old tendency to yank the body out of it. i have no doubt that the intelligence permeating every cell and nucleus and mitochondron is guiding the body to move along at a pace that is just right for me. which is not move at all, not in a way that is comprehensible to the mind and senses, kind of like a glacier is moving all the time but not detectable to the human eye. but through the pure awareness bathing in the breath ocean i know keenly that the body is responding to the steady and unyielding momentum flowing through my breath.

this message appears quietly as i relish being aloft in the ocean sound and warmth of my vast consciousness. any moment you think you are not enough, you don't have enough, you are not good enough in any kind of way is the sign you forget that you are the inner self.

right away i hear the old mental tendency enslaved in mitzrahim, narrow, poverty consciousness, shoot back, o give me a break, what good does that do?

not missing a beat i hear the response from you know who, no it doesn't change the external circumstances of the challenges but it puts you right back into a state of cool, clarity and courage and you can take care of whatever that's in front of you that needs to be taken care in an easeful manner.

bingo. i get it, not in the head but in the depths of bones and beyond the mind. why, of course, being cool, clear and courageous is who and what i am, is my nature, my essence.

waves of refreshing energy wash through me. one by one, the tasks of the day come forth.

i say, body, are you ready? the body responds, yes. And so does the mind.

let's go.

a moment along three and a half million years. 38 m + 15 m

i get off the phone with kaiser permanente's billing person. hwubby says, wow, your phone manner has really transformed, it's magnificent.

to give myself credit where credit is due, i really do well. firstly, i notice i'm not getting upset about the errors i spotted. i hold fast to the understanding that the billing person is just doing her job and has an inner self just as i have mine. secondly i watch my breath come in and go out at a easeful pace, and so my voice is infused with this tone of clarity and cheerfulness. lastly but not least, before i dial the number i say to myself, suk wah, remember what you see on nova, they discover this almost-human skull that is three and a half million years old, so stay in the moment with the task at hand but keep a perspective of where it is in the timeline of human history.

aaahhh. it is a pile of bills that i have to take care of with focused attention but bills they are. no more. no less. the outcome does not diminish nor add to my inner self. ayer asher ayer. i am that i am. i will be what i will be. i shall be what i shall be. i step up to what i am being called upon to do. and do it. whatever it is.

so how can the phone conversation with the medical billing specialist not be a pleasant experience?! in the three and a half million year scheme of view, taking care of medical bills and leading enslaved people out of narrow consciousness are fundamentally about taking care of what is necessary in the moment.

mmm...ng. ayer asher ayer. 38 m + 11 m

today, again, i'm even further drawn to the nasal resonance after the audible sound of aum is no more.

once i've gone through with the 36 pearls of my aum beads i'm just quietly filled with the steady sound of the ocean waves in the breath as it comes in and goes out.

and then the mechanism of the resonance happens spontaneously.

craving for the nasal resonance. 38 m + 15 m

as i go about my daily 36 rounds of aum it is clear that there is huge desire for the nasal resonance. how do i know for sure? well, after the last round, i sense some spontaneous actions happen: the back of tongue naturally arch up, the tip of tongue lightly touching the back of lower teeth, the mouth gently open, and i watch in amazement the humming tone reverberating in the nose and forehead. after a little while i can feel a gentle and steady hum buzzing all the way out there in the fingertips and toes and everywhere in between.

all that choc pudding turns to suffering. 38 m + 17 m

i have to have it. yes, that was the thought that came when i was gathering food for supper and the choc tapioca pudding caught my eye.

the mind latched onto the thought, wouldn't let go. i forgot i could say no, i didn't have to act on it, i just had to watch the impulse in the thought come and go.

i knew exactly what would happen and i still went ahead and did it. o yes, the power of forgetting.

writing new apps for the mental circuitry. 38 m + 8 m

floating on little pockets of light.

yes, that's what's happening in the spine as i enjoy my steady and easy lotus posture.

what i truly love to eat is ancient food. 38 m + 6 m

i put in a little more effort to extend the nasal resonance at the end of aum a little longer.

after a few rounds it is evident that there is a steady, gentle buzz undulating from deep within the forehead between the brows.

my god-sis. 38 m + 21 m

on one hand the holy-day season is marvelous and wonderful. on another hand it is so very sweet and settling to return to the calming and calm rhythms of day-to-day life.

as the easeful breath flows ever more freely through the body and mind i have this keen awareness of a soft whiff of sadness nudging my heart.

i know what it is about. i miss my muimui.

your new year promise? mine is...38 m + 4 m

i ask my cool friend millie, what's your new year resolution? pausing momentarily she bursts into a sunny smile and says, i prefer the word 'promise.'

i like that.

new twist to study aummm: chinese calligraphy

i'm so excited about this. practice writing out aummm with chinese brush and ink.

a fresh year, a golden block of time

3rd night in a row, waking up to a state of consciousness filled with the sound and movement of the natural, easy breath.

the mind is warmly soothed. the body is relaxed and alert. my whole being is buoyant, aloft on the gentle, undulating life force flowing freely to the horizons of the boundless consciousness, moisturizing every neuron, every cell, every fiber. the sweetness is seasoned with strength. yummm.

mmm. in a little while hwubby and i will be with fellow yogis and...our sweet and dear meditation teacher.

just the thought of it makes me soooo happy.

what a wonderful, marvelous beginning to a fresh year, a golden block of time pregnant with infinite possibility of possibility.

we are all set and ready for it. let's go.