Friday, June 4, 2010
meditating on anxiety
in this morning's meditation i see an old tendency appear. anxiety. low grade. sort of like a background noise, something like the drone coming from the fridge. just enough to hang around the periphery of awareness. the thought that pops up with it is, what am i anxious about? but here's the thing. i've come to see anxiety for what it is, beyond the outer circumstances. a function of disconnection. so i make a conscious inner effort to guide attention to the sound and motion in the steady breath. soon i begin to see this 'anxiety' as some weather condition. weather change. weather come. weather go. but beyond weather is the clear blue sky. the sky of the my inner self. good weather doesn't make the sky bigger or bluer. bad weather doesn't diminish the sky in any way. and so, just as i would watch the pouring rain from the shelter of the house i watch feelings and thoughts from the shelter of the breath where the inner self flows through. and guess what? i am returning to a clear and calm state. now i can really see how to take care of what needs to be taken care of. so the anxiety turns out to be a reminder that calls my attention to really stay connected with my own self. hwubby says, yeah, you are the light, all else are just outer circumstances.