i have independent happiness

there's another habitual tendency, and, oh, by the way, hwubby's teacher said 'habitual' with her french accent, and it really makes it sound more appealing that it really is. but i digress. this is the tendency of 'taking it personal.' hwubby says, yeah, you think you are the center of the universe and the world revolves around you. well, i am the center of my universe. but i tend to forget that everybody else has their own universe and i am not the center in them. so i may not like what they do, i may not like how things turn out but they really have nothing to do with me, they don't take away nor add to my self worth.

case in point. i arrange the morning's schedule so that i can help a friend. just when i am about to step out the door she calls and cancels it because there is another person that she really wants to see and so-and-so is only available at last minute for a specific time frame. i say, fine, it's fine. later i ask myself, do i really feel fine or simply being nice? i think the on-the-spot response has a whiff of 'being nice.' but as i look deeper i really don't see any resentment, not even a trace. i'm not kidding. i expect to see at least a little bit of it.

a couple of days later. in meditation i see what happened. my only agenda is to offer help in a way that works for me. i don't carry any expectation how it would turn out, what's in it for me and so on. the intention comes from my own inner self which is always full and perfect and free and pure. as a matter of fact i actually feel happy that my friend gets to see somebody that would make her happy. wait a sec. nope. i feel happy because that is the nature of my inner self. i have independent happiness. i don't have to count on something else, somebody else in order to be happy. hoooh. what a relief.