there is one tendency i really thought i had uprooted it. every last tendril of it. this is boring. i'm not having any meditation experience.
not so fast. it returns this morning. for a little while i see a variety of same-o same-o reactions clouding in on the mental horizon. i couldn't believe it. what's going on? why? i've had it. i can't deal with this anymore. same-o same-o feelings. agitation. restlessness. the body is fidgeting like a gazillion ants crawling all over me.
at a moment like this the only thing i have to fall back on is the power of the practices. it's like i've been saving up a pile in a bank account for rainy days. and this is a rainy day to draw on my savings.
so i turn attention over to the sound and movement of the breath. i say to the inner self, i can't do this on my own, please take me across, i need your help. i make a conscious effort to let awareness plunge into the ocean of the breath. again and again. it works. i come out of meditation feeling like surviving after a storm. stronger. surer. inner sky clear and calm. ready to take care of what need to be done today with determined focus.
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