there we were gobbling up shivaa's yummy food and reflecting on how to make choices and decisions. i say, i imagine i am dying and my life is flashing across my mental screen. when i come to this particular point i pause and ask myself, what do i wish i had done? what this exercise does, i find, is i can see through the fears in all their shapes and sizes and get at what truly matters. and what truly matters is, as shivaa says, does it make me feel closer to god than i did before i made the choice/decision?
for me, without a doubt, 'closer to god' is no different from 'connected to the inner self.' as every day goes by, the experience of being connected to my inner self builds, little by little, through meditation. when i find myself asking, what is the right thing to do, is this the right thing to do, when to do it, i draw on this measuring meter within. sometimes i know the answer right away because i get this sense of being at ease with myself. sometimes i have to leave the question and the options at the door of the meditation closet and really settle into the humming, throbbing silence of the inner self permeating the easy breath. i don't go into meditation expecting any answer in a certain way i would prefer. i just pray to be on the right track, whatever it is, that which takes me closer to the inner self. and more often than not i find i need to draw on the courage and strength and stamina, forces from the inner self, in order to stay on track. it's not always easy but it's absolutely worth it.