nectar figs from kitchen water

check this out. my figs. no, not photoshopped. the real thing. big as my palm. HUGE.

welcome to fig harvest in my backyard.

here's the story. hwubby knows fig is my top fave fruit. fresh, not dried.

by the way i never even saw a fresh fig before i came to california. chinese make deliiish soup with dried figs. i am still awestruck when i touch a fresh, succulent fig.

so hwubby planted a mini fig tree. why mini? he said, so it's easy for you to pick. he is sweet, eh!

it took several years for the tree to take root and grow before beginning to bear fruit. it's so worth the wait. the tree is tiny but not the fruits.

being aware that california is in drought i have been watering it with....tah dah.... grey water. the tree is not directly outside kichen. i have to go thru mud room, out the back door, and down back porch stairs. so i collect grey water in a small plastic.

to be honest, it's not much. a few tub-ful-s a day at best, but, look at the amazing outcome.

heavenly nectar they are. two of them are equivalent to a basket of them from the store.

as i munch on them i am filled with amazement. such miracle. abundance. there're so much going on in all this. i don't understand any of it.

this much i know though. nature is surely, truly, super intelligent.

one, two, three, four, five, six,..huge, great good yummy fortunes beckon me so long as i keep putting forth my small, sweet effort. it's fine that i don't know the mechanism of how figs extract essence from grey water. i still get to enjoy the nectar in its fullness.

eighteen years of efforts pay off

i say, i am exhausted. hwubby says, you are exhausperated. i say, what? he says, exhausted and exasperated. he's right. i've been on crisis mode 24/7 for one and a half months straight. now even though there are aftershocks and devastation to deal with the main quake is, i can safely say, over. so, yes, i am exhausted. what about 'exasperated?' i haven't yet reflected closely the entire arc of twists and turns. but what comes to me now is, among other opportunities, this has been unbroken practice on acceptance. i have to say this is not my strength. not thus far. there's a deeply rooted tendency to wish things different, to reject, to resist. yet the unfolding circumstances demand me to face them as they are because they are utterly out of my control. now i could have thrown in the towel. here's where eighteen years of putting in steady, sweet efforts pay off. again and again i experience this surge of inner spiritual force lifting me in moments of immense difficulty and apparent impossibility. i recall vividly saying to myself over and over, whatever i have to go through, whatever i have to lose on the outside my inner self, my own greatness, remains full, pure and luminous. and i so i find myself choosing to go toward light with relative ease. i say 'relative' because the residual pattern of 'refusing to accept what it is as it is' keeps nagging me and gnawing at me though it is only a weak whisper, not strong enough to engulf me. not anymore. as a matter of fact i chuckle as i recall something that happened a couple of weeks ago. hwubby says, i'm glad you find it funny. i do. now that's real progress. it means i am in touch with the unchanging bliss of my own self.

facing whatever it is as it is

often, over the  years, i wonder, what's the meaning of acceptance? now i am granted experiences of it. acceptance turns out to be nothing but facing whatever it is as it is, not as what i would like it to be. real and true acceptance involves enthusiasm. there's no place for resentment and half-hearted efforts. okay, so this is what it is? sure, i'll take it and run with it, dive into it, plunge into it, and see what happens.

be strong. be strong. be strengthened.

hwubby says, how are you doing? i say, one breath at a time, one step at a time. at the conclusion of every book in the five book of moses we sing this: be strong. be strong. be strengthened. this is my mantra of the moment. it's not that the inner self needs any strengthening or the reminder. it's the connection to the inner self that has to be vigilantly and constantly cultivated. it's the awareness, that has been so habituated to be populated with 'weedy' thoughts, has to be reminded over and over. now i am experiencing what mahatma ghandi was talking about: this is the war that i must engage in. and victory is guaranteed as long as i stand on the side of divine grace and keep putting in my effort. hwubby says, yeah, and i thought i could do it once and it would be done.

imminent and transcendent all at once

a twinkling galaxy of promptings, guidance, instructions in today's meditation. the effort i have to make is to write down the keywords for each one without interrupting the meditative state. it never ceases to amaze me how far and deep the inner self sees. in a couple of short, succinct instructions i get the framework of a complex transaction i have to take care of. with one word i receive the gist of a email response i have to make. in a phrase i read the pulse of the beneath-the-surface emotional currents in a situation i am in and that illumines me to the appropriate way to interact with the other. now i see the behavior of the other in a new light, a clear and quiet eye. 3 alphabets illumine the doorway to a backup plan in case plan a doesn't work out.

i can go on and on like this. i don't intend to meditate for the purpose of planning the day. and yet that's what happens as an unintended benefit. but what i am really thrilled about is that i really feel like i am in this natural meditative state as i go about the day. i can see the knee-jerk reaction tendency is still around but it's no longer in the driver seat.

thank you, my inner self. you are truly both imminent and transcendent all at once.

remember i am the self

here's another expression that i need to watch out for. i feel...  sad, angry, upset, overwhelmed, whatever. the thing about this is really subtle. it sucks me into being that feeling when in fact i am the self. so i am making a conscious effort to say something like, i see sadness coming up. hwubby says, yeah, it's like weather. yep, mental weather.

what about uplifting feelings? i notice a difference in how i say it. i am happy. i am grateful. i am contented. and i hold the understanding that they are not dependent on anything outside of me. they are part and parcel of the inner self. remember, i am the inner self. the self-efforts i put in are all about helping me to remember that. hwubby says, it's called self-effort because they are efforts towards connecting with the self.