i learn so much from this young person

the night before a workshop hwubby runs into some technical issues. so he does the only thing he knows how. he sprints to the apple store. it is fifteen minutes before closing time. the guy assigned to help him says, don't worry, we'll get it done. and he does. hwubby says, he knows what he's doing, he's smart and focused. hwubby likes to find out about people. so he says, what do you do other than this? hwubby doesn't recall how the transitions goes. but very quickly the young man says, i have brain cancer. it turns out that for ten days every month he is sick as can be because of the chemo. yet he is a student, he works at the apple store, he lives by himself, he is at peace with the cards dealt him.

frequently hwubby and i have the great good fortune of meeting people who live a pure and courageous life without saying so. they live by their shining examples. really. i learn so much about acceptance and living in the present moment and staying focused on the task at hand just by hearing how this young person carries himself.

please don't give me more than i can handle

just when i think things have turned a corner i'm presented with another test. today is no different. it has been like this for what i feel like eons. each day i jump through hurdles, go through fire hoops, one or more positive development happens and, boom, it looks like everything is going to fall apart all over again. what else can i do but to refuse to get out of the present moment and focus on the task at hand?! this morning's meditation is nothing but deep quiet. i feel safe in my own self. anchored there i just take care of everything as it is. really, please, i want to get fully realized but please don't give me more than i can handle. please.

it's fine whatever the outcome is

i absolutely refuse to stay outside of the present moment. that's pretty much my stance yesterday. i keep my focus one-pointedly on the task at hand even when it triggers worrying thoughts, like, she won't like me if i say this, i'll miss this important deadline, what if i am wrong and the situation keeps getting worse. i am aware of them and i keep my eye on the task at hand no matter who says what to me. now i realize i am enjoying the fruits of my practices. i may not consciously remember nothing adds to or diminish the fullness of my own self but the mind and body are already wired enough to default into a beneficial state where i think, speak and act from the place of conviction and courage.

what about the expectation of outcome? in the day's flow of melodramatic twists and turns i find myself free of such concern. as my teacher says, to the effect, we pray not to ask for a certain outcome, we pray to ask for the courage and strength to be with the outcome, whatever it is. if it happens to turn out well, the way it has been so far, it is fine. if it isn't, it is fine too. i mean it. yesterday at several points i find myself having the thought, what if such and such extreme scenario happens? right away i receive a crystal response from within. that's fine too. and i immediately feel this sigh of relief releasing from the belly. i take a brief moment to relish this experience of true freedom. i move on.