flexitarian. soup recipe.

let me be clear. i'm not vegetarian. what am i? flexitarian. here's what i really love about the food principles in ayurveda. they are not against any food. the classical ayurveda texts do not say, don't eat this or that. what it says is this, eat what you can digest. if u have good digestion, even poison can turn into nectar. if u have poor digestion then even nectar is poison for you. seriously. three sanskrit words sum it all up. hitabuk, mitabuk, ritabuk. seasonal. local. moderation. ayurveda is not food police. my doctor ji,  dr harikrishnan, in his gentle, straightforward manner, says, once in a while, have fun, you can eat a little bit of everything. simple, huh? but, pay attention, suk wah. the key words are 'once in a while',  'a little bit.' the problem with my old eating habits has a lot to do with...eating more than what i truly need. the stomach is of the size of a fist. ayurveda text says fill half of it with solid food, a quarter water and fourth quarter free. as i look back on how i ate i cannot tell you how thankful i am to my belly. it has been so abused and yet so forgiving, putting up with my mindless eating.

therefore it's not exaggerating to say ben and i have revolutionized the way we eat, what we eat , how much and how we eat. not to say i don't get taken over by residual habits once in a while but those habits are definitely not in the driver seat anymore.

but, i must emphasize that cooking based on ayurveda principles do not mean awful food. quite the opposite. case in point. a lentil soup i make and take to torah study has been so popular that my rabbi says, suk wah, if you want to make this soup you are welcome to my house anytime. several study mates say, suk wah, send me the recipe. nothing makes a cook happier to see the pot scooped out dry and everyone says, who makes this soup, it is delicious. so, here we go.

INGREDIENTS
SERVES 12

SOUP

red lentil, 1 1/2 cup
asafatieda, a nice pinch. crucial to take away gas. get it in indian store. i go to bombay spice house.
cumin, 1/8 tsp
coriander, 1/8 tsp
turmeric, 1/8 tsp
rock salt to taste
pepper, couple of grind
tamari, a splash or two to taste

VEG
onion, medium chop, a few Tsp. take it out if cooking for buddist
cumin seed 1/8 tsp
coconut oil, 1 Tsp, or a little more if you so please
carrot, small cubes, 1/2 cup, more if you like
green bean, bite size, 1/2 cup at least, or other seasonal veg. green bean gives nice color and texture.
turmeric, 1/8 tsp
cumin, 1/8 tsp
coriander, 1/8 tsp
tamari, splash or two
dry mango powder, 1/8 tsp, optional, get it in indian store
asafatieda, a pinch
cilantro leaves, plenty or to taste.

let's start cooking.

wash lentil in room temp water  a few times until water clear. put in soup pot. add 7-8 cups water. put on highest notch, uncovered, to let it come to boil.

while keeping an eye on soup pot chop and start cooking veg. here's the secret. cook veg separately. the end product is so much tastier. flavor profile fuller and richer. anyway heat up a pan or small pot, depending on how much veg i have, put in coconut oil. i hear you asking, why not veg oil? first, it tastes better. second, more importantly, coconut oil has good cholesterol, you know, MCT,  medium chain triglycerides. seriously. google it. coming back to cooking veg. add cumin seed, asafatieda. by the way i always add a pinch of asafatieda. you never know what might cause gas. e.g. cabbage and cauliflower and green leafies are gaseous. when cumin seed sizzle, put in onion. stir for a minute or until translucent. sprinkle a little rock salt and splash of tamari. i always put in these two with each addition of veg. it brings out that extra veg aroma and flavor.

by now lentil is probably coming to boil. the next step is important. remove foam. that's gas producing.  huge. major. then put in asafatieda, bring it down to medium heat so it's rigorously simmering. stir periodically.

meanwhile, return to veg. add cumin, coriander, tumeric. stir rigorously for 30 sec or until you smell that beautiful aroma of spices. now, put in carrot or the veg that takes longest to cook. stir well, do the rock salt and tamari thing. if you like it more peppery go ahead and grind it in at this point. or you might do it at very end. up to you. okay, then put in a few teaspoons of water. let it come back to boil while stirring periodically. cover, cook a minute or two on medium heat. then add in green bean. again, rock salt and tamari. stir. cover. cook 2-3 minutes or until just done, not mushy.  turn off flame, add dry mango powder. throw in cilantro leaves. stir well.

somewhere in midst of cooking veg, lentil is done. add spices, salt, tamari. a word of caution. be light abot it because seasoned veg is already salted. you can always add more salt but can't take it out. turn off flame.

pour the whole veg thing into hot lentil. i scrape every bit off bottom. that's where deep flavor lies where a little caramelization action happen. mix really well.

there you have it. enjoy. pair with a bowl of grain and it's a yummy, full meal.

4th panchakarma. cellular cleansing

what is my favorite breakfast? now? or before ben and i began this practice of panchakarma? towards the finale of this, my fourth round, something remarkable happened. one morning, after morning prayer, and by the way, i feel the treatment and medicine are that much more potent when my doctors chant vishnu sahasranama, thousand names of vishnu, alongside patients at 6 am. they faithfully implement the ancient ayurveda texts. when a patient questions the way they prescribe treatment slokas would roll off their tongues. doctor ji says, this is what the text says. and since the text says mantras, prayers, homa, puja emanate healing vibration therefore chanting, praying and pujas are integral components in the healing village daily schedule. these doctors really walk their talk. i salute them for that and i trust them with my life. anyhow, what am i talking about? my top fave breakfast. so there i am walking happily along the covered walkway basking in the morning lights after the ecstatic chant and i see doctor omprakash approaching me beaming with excitement. he says, suk wah ji, there is dosa and chutney, do you want? without a blink i say, no, thanks, i'll have congee and mung. here's the context. the ideal panchakarma food is congee, mung and boiled veg. it's only during the preparation and final phase of treatment regimen that patient is offered something other than. i'm not exaggerating when, back in my first round three years prior, when i saw that bowl of plain congee the mind would run wild with imagining all kinds of tgoodies that chinese would put into congee, say, thousand year egg, fish, minced beef. but here i am, three rounds of panchakarma later, reveling in this simple metta rice congee. creamy, nutty, textred, light and satisfying. mung cooked over wood fire has a deep, slightly smoky flavor that pressure cooker cannot replicate. i feel full and fulfilled, happy and content. the mind is quiet and present.

let me be clear. there's nothing wrong with fresh dosa and coconut chutney, nor thousand year egg congee. yummy they are. but i do believe my palate has been radically transformed after four rounds of panchakarma, or shall i say, cellular cleansing. the palate is purified and refined. i taste the essence of essencej, ojas, of rice and mung. bright. alive. rich. the highest and innermost self of me is one with the self of congee. 

sukh. healthy place. happy place.

what is good health? dr ramkumar gets asked this question quite often. while brilliant and knowledgeable  he is also very quick-witted and funny. i would go so far as to say that joking around and laughing with him are medicine to me big time. in fact i have so much fun goofing around him that sometimes i think i forget what a brilliant, brilliant clinician he is, his grasp of scriptures and, above all, that laser focus to bring authentic panchakarma to modern times. where was i? anyway, in this particular satsang when one patient asks this question he throws a glance in my direction and says, with his signature sunny grin, let's start with suk wah's name. you see, "suk" sounds like a sanskrit word "sukh." he goes on to say this. "sukh" means happiness, happiness that is whole and wholesome. To be healthy is to be in a happy place, happy body, happy mind.

what is really great about this place is i don't have to look for it anywhere outside. i am this place. it is who and what i am. i do have to take care of it though. this place of mine is a splendid palace, a spectacular mansion. just like any other dwelling there are any number of things that can clutter up the space, clog the drains, crack the paints and so on and so forth. hwubby and i take good care of our house. as part of maintenance, periodically we have to employ the service of a drain specialist to snake out the bath tub drain. it is very sobering to watch him do his thing. it's dirty and hard work. it never ceases to shock and stun me to see mounds and piles of slime and grime and hair being drawn out of the hidden pipes. not a pretty sight. but when i see the flow down the drain so smooth and the tub wall is not smacked with slime i have no doubt that all that effort is worth it, all that unpleasantness are necessary. temporary too.

this is why panchakarma makes so much sense to me. you see, every bit of improperly digested food, every negative thought and emotion, generate a little "slime and grime and hair" that stick to the walls of body and mental tissue. over time the inner pipes are clogged, energy flow is slowed down. even though i kind of know that i am beautiful and bright i don't always feel it as i want to feel. my strong meditation practice does a lot of "snaking out."  as a matter of fact it is in deep meditative state that i realize i need to do panchakarma. the rishis saw this thousands of years ago in deep meditation. they saw how treatments and herbal medicine, when applied properly, can profoundly purify body. since the state of mind is closely related to that of the body it is natural that i feel remarkable difference in my inner state, like seeing through clean glasses. hwubby says, this panchakarma gives a new baseline to what i think good health should be like.

for years i looked at the saree-clad ladies who wave light in pujas and negative thought came. i don't look good in it. therefore you could imagine how surprised i was when soon after my first round of panchakarma i was invited to a pujari training. two things. first, i noticed i felt excited about it, i wanted to do it. something moved deeply within. i could see, in a subtle yet clear way, this elaborate act is 'spontaneous' in the sense that i feel thankful about what the guru's path has gifted me so i want to express gratitude in a beautiful and intimate way, a way that is both timely and timeless. i perform a ritual in the present according to what's prescribed since ancient time. the gestures and moves are alive, aligned with how i feel about myself, everyone and everything.

i did say two things, didn't i? second thing is, timing. all those treatments to cleanse and purify and rejuvenate help me to see and feel as my own true self. it becomes a joyous desire to invest attention and time to prepare myself. it throws a sacred light on applying cosmetics, draping jewelry, pinning head flower and placing pleats to just so. i am not doing things to make me into something i am not but, on the contrary, reflect my own beauty and luminosity.

it is so thrilling to be the vehicle to channel divine blessings to beautiful newly weds. the goddess that I am is showering loving wellwishes on the god and goddess that they are. the experience is humbling as well. It has taken the knowledge from the rishis, dedication of my vaidyagrama family and my guru's love to get me to this place. sukh. huwbby says, you have to acknowledge your own efforts too. he's right. he's always right, isn't he, the greatest god in my world.

golden rule. shoes. abhyange

photo by nat

between shoes, golden rule and ayurveda treatment i’m making quite a leap, don’t you think?

okay, here it goes.

to cut a long story short, these walking shoes i got from the store, they are great for my bunions but they are sooooo expensive even on sale. $168 after 40% off. hwubby said, you walk so much better in them, it's worth it. o, have i mentioned that joanna, the mephisto consultant - yes, that's the title on her card - went thru several pairs and brands and then spot-breaking to get to this point. she worked hard. none felt right until this baby. i had no idea what the alphabets 'mbt' on the shoes meant. i thought that's some kind of mephisto. later on i found out that it's a brand on its own. mbt stands for masai barefoot technology. seriously. folks, they develop technology to try to replicate the experience of walking barefoot in paddyfield. okay, back to my shoe story. i hemmed and hawed. finally what cinched the deal was i could return them in 7 days. i thought i would definitely return them. i just couldn't see myself pouring out almost two hundred bucks for sneakers.

photo by nat

next day. i walked around in them inside house. well, i have to be honest with myself. it's refreshing to feel the feet securely and comfortably housed. also standing in these shoes the body naturally and gently rocks back and forth, kind of like aloft over hawaiian waves. still, the price tag gnawed at me. an inner msg came. online. so i did. sure enough midway down the first page of google search results there’s a site that caught my eye. fast forward a few more hits later i am in this online shoe store exclusively for mbt shoes. check this out. the style that i got from the store is half price here. wooohoooh, i am thrilled. immediately the i-love-bargain tendency took me over. ask hwubby. he would tell you, my darling wife loves to get something for a penny on the dollar. yes, i'm proud to call myself cheap. i love hand-me-down. way back when i was living in ashram, there was a room where donated items were placed. guess where i got all my garments. i call it vintage. now i have a generous and gorgeous sister-in-law who happens to be same size of mine, with fabulous taste, and periodically send me boxes of beautiful stuff. i call it heirloom.

where are we? right, shoes. hmmm, i shall return what i have and order online. the mind is totally sucked into this old tendency when all of a sudden i heard loud and clear two words. GOLDEN RULE. i tried to ignore it but it wouldn’t go away for good. it kept flashing big and bold on the mental screen. the stubbornly lodged tendency wouldn’t budge either. this is about a hundred dollars. why wouldn’t i want to spend 50% less to get the same thing. yet, something strange is happening within. i thought this would be a no brainer yet i experience this unease, queasy feeling. something is not totally clear. not yet. there is a real tug of war within. i know enough by now that i decide to let it sit a little bit instead of pushing ahead.

half a day later. as i do my daily abhyange, an ayurveda treatment that involves rubbing medicated oil over joints and body, i feel this squeeze in the heart. i rub a nice scoop of warm oil over the chest, feel better, and i remember something, something that happened years prior but the pain is fresh as ever. you see, i was in mortgage work at one point. i remember i worked hard, jumped thru fire hoops, to get a difficult loan through only to have the borrower walking away just before closing because they found a loan with lower interest rate online. technically they could do that. according to the industry practice none of the effort i put into mattered. yuck. i remember that ugly feeling vividly, as oil quietly permeate every pore of mine. i hate it now as much as i did then.

aaaah, wham. golden rule. don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do to you. legally, technically i could return the shoes. but i would be treating people in the way i don’t want to be treated. i love a big saving but at the end of day this is about me walking the talk, living what i believe in.  as i contemplate this i realize something subtle has shifted. some veil is lifted. the mind, through which i think, speak and act has been cleansed in a deep way. the light of the heart is able to come through. i am able to discriminate, to see what truly matters is that i act from the place of the highest and most sacred self. that's the source of abundance.

so, now, how about i give a shout out to  abhyange. i truly believe that the treatment, prescribed according to my condition and performed authentically and diligently, contribute to diminishing the grip of such an old tendency on me, cleansing the lens thru which i perceive myself and the world. from that state i can see the connection between the teaching from an ancient sage and the situation at hand right now in 21st century.

photo by nat

there is more. it’s not that i didn’t have this realization before. i just didn’t act on it. it's not even that the old tendency comes back no more. far from it. the difference between then and this time is that i experience huge unease when i try to entertain the idea of returning the shoes. it’s a feeling of betrayal, turning my back on my own nature, my highest self. the force of highest self outweighs the opposing tug of old tendency. the pull is so strong that it becomes so easy to decide it’s smarter to yield to it. it's a physical sensation in the body, sickening, almost nauseous. emotionally i can't bear the horrific feeling if and when i return the shoes and say i get a better price online even though i wouldn't even know about this shoe without your expert service. the bottom line is this. the old tendency is no longer in the driver seat. my highest self is. once a patient, after much haggling with dr ramdas over her treatment plan, said, all right, i’ll surrender to you. dr ramdas said, no,  you are not surrendering to me, you are surrendering to your self.

dr ramdas showing me how to churn butter

i love money but, at the end of day, as dr ramkumar says, money is not the driving force. never. welcome, suk wah, to a deeper level of purification. amen.  

drinking oil out of love, with love, for love.

photo by nat

i think that everyone who goes to vaidyagrama to do full panchakarma after much deliberation having some sense of what they are getting into. wouldn’t you think so too? boom. i couldn’t be more wrong. check this out. there’s this guy. he’s indian, young, open face, always carrying a cheerful smile and walking around radiating lightheartedness. one day i overhear him telling another patient he has a construction company. i say, wow, that’s quite a commitment you make, to come for panchakarma. he says in an easygoing manner, no, i didn’t come for treatment. i say, what are you talking about, you are drinking ghee for 7 days. he says matter-of-factly, i mean, with no drama, just like it’s the most natural thing to do in the world, and what does he say? listen to this. he says,  my wife has to come for treatment, so i stop everything and come with her. just like that. yes, folks, meet vikram, the guy who tags along with his wife and ends up doing full-on panchakarma. i salute him. he just dives in with a nice dose of good cheer and always ready to burst into a good laugh.

my hwubby always thinks of me first. in vikram he has found a match. on christmas night i put on a blinking red nose and sang ‘rudolph the red-nosed reindeer‘ during the group dinner. next morning, vikram came to me and said, with this mile-wide grin and happy, wide open eyes, thank you, thank you, my wife loved your nose, thank you, you make my wife so happy. i was deeply moved. i told hwubby about it. hwubby said, give her the nose. we went to their room and presented reshmi, a lovely, sweet young lady, with the gift. she was thrilled. vikram was just beside himself watching his wife being happy. snehapana means love drink. vikram truly drinks ghee out of love, for love and with love.

photo by nat

so now i think his wife is so lucky. well, i'm happy to be wrong because after getting to know reshmi just a little bit i realize, in fact, it's vikram who is truly fortunate. reshmi has this full moon lakshmi face shining the warmth of morning lights. she is a young working woman and lives the best of timeless virtues. as they tell me the tale of how they have come to commit to a life with each other i learn so much from them. they stand in their hearts and treat their family with deep love and respect. my american friends, we have to understand that in india families play a big role in marriages. i'm humbled and impressed with vikram's clarity of mind and unwavering determination. since knowing reshmi from childhood he had no doubt that if he had to marry this would be the girl. here's to you, vikram, you have an eye for a great wife. well, almost as good as my hwubby. :) once knowing what he truly wanted he pursued it with thoughtful calm, respectful persistence, tireless efforts and endless patience.  truly their story is a living example of 'love conquers everything.'

i heard their story on my 7th day of drinking oil. i have to say that really helps me to digest that 180 ml with total ease. there's no end to the power of love.

oil bath. oil bliss. samosa. passover.

photo by nat

vaidyagrama is not a spa. i said this before, i say this again. doctorji would, patiently and kindly, say, goal of treatments is not to pamper on a superficial level. yet, there are times when i say to myself, this is as good as it gets when it comes to pampering. treatment in point is...drumroll please...pizhichil. that’s what it’s called in sanskrit.  i call this samosa treatment. turn and turn you in hot oil till you are cooked properly. got the picture? physically it’s oil bath. emotionally it’s oil bliss.  it’s oil heaven, i'm not kidding. come on, suk wah. what are you talking about?

here’s how it goes down.

picture this. 3000ml of very warm medicated sesame oil. 3 therapists. one therapist on left, another on right. they work in sync over the body parts in choreographed movements while abundantly and steadily streaming warm oil over the body part. third therapist collects oil draining from the neem treatment table, warm them up in a big pot over a burner, and keep supplying buckets of warm oil to the two therapists. it’s an elaborate and complex treatment. very hard work. a luxurious extravaganza. a treatment fit for queen.

how sublimely royal i feel as blankets of warm oil drape over feet. waves of relaxed feeling steadily swell up all the way to crown of head. i experience this resplendent empress shining brightly within me and that’s who i really am. all that layers that hold me back from living in that place are being washed off me. meanwhile oil sheets flow over and into everywhere, front and back - depending on whether i am lying on stomach or back or sides - permeating every pore. so calming. folks, there is a sky of difference between calm and spacing out. true calm implies alert, vigilant and focused. focusing on what? what else, where else but the present moment within the serene grounds in the midst of forest.

photo by nat

as viscous warm oil irrigate body parts i see the mind being pulled back from the usual frenetic thinking pace.  mental activity is restored to its natural pace....close to nil. only a silent hum, that is in sync with the natural breathing, remains. whatever thoughts, emotion appear they are weak. i see them form and dissolve, come and go. it is utterly evident that this is how my inner state ought to be, not the other way round. it’s like seeing with clean glasses. i realize i have been seeing myself and the world with foggy and smudgy lenses that are smeared with limitation and negativity. seeing now comes from an inner place that is quiet. still. serene. alert. clear. this is like the inner swiss clock that has been running a mile a sec is being returned to the easeful tick-tocking it ought to be doing.

photo by nat

as i type this i just came out of a full-immersion meditation retreat a few days prior. for 12 hours everyday we meditated and chanted om namah shivaya. this is something i do at least once a year or as often as ashram would have it. this time around it was so effortless to enter into deep and profound silence very soon after i sat into easy cross-legged posture. it became so easy, a given, something natural. i experience the teaching that says, meditation spontaneously happens. what’s even more amazing is that i am able to go thru worldly activity while carrying this state within me days after the retreat. it is still going strong. before i would see this precious state gradually weakening. in my heart of hearts i see the connection between this strengthening and the impact of having gone through seven days of ‘samosa treatment.’

look, there are two types of ama, aka toxins in body, one from improper metabolism of food, the other from...you guess right, mental ama, residuals of negative thoughts, feeling and emotion accumulated over a period of time, say, a decade, or, in my case, a few. i hear that the mind produces 20-30 thoughts per minute. that’s 30-50,000 per day. you do the math for a few decades. there is a chinese saying that goes like this. dripping water pierce rock.

since  i am writing this during passover, it comes to me what some rabbis say about the way pharaoh keep changing his mind about letting jewish people go. after changing his mind a few times torah says pharaoh’s mind is ‘hardened.’ to me, at this moment, it means to me the vibrations of his negative thoughts, speech and action became ama. they didn’t get eliminated. they snowballed,  ‘hardened’ the way he thought, spoke and acted. since i am a hassidic kind of girl, i like to read the passover story as my own story. all that negativity i had in the past don't just disappear. they stay, take root, and keep steering my body and mind away from optimal level. they gotta go. let my inner queen leave the bondage of negative vibes. let all that ama go.

photo by nat

my doctorji, dr harikrishnan, is a very grounded, head-on-the-shoulder fellow. i ask, what exactly does pizhichil do? he says, body has to be oiled before act of purification, you just came out of purgation so you need to be oiled before we perform another act of purification on you. in all my excitement i tell him all this wonderful feelings and experiences i have in the treatment. he listens intently, nods, and says in his ever even tone, ‘i see. you like it.’ well, ‘like’ is an understatement. if i were in a spa i would tick off, on the treatment menu, pizhichil and mark it big and bright, DAILY. unfortunately this is not a spa. panchakarma is equivalent to a major surgical procedure. just like surgery it has to be done in a hospital. pizhichil is a powerful treatment, part and parcel of panchakarma. just like surgery it has to be done in a hospital, as prescribed by doctor. o, well, i take this as another opportunity to cultivate letting go of wanting what i like and embracing what i need. good news is, here, what i need is  no different from what i like. om namah shivaya. cool.

panchakarma sets new baseline

photo by nat

hwubby has this one line response when people ask him, what does panchakarma do for you? he says, panchakarma sets a new baseline for how healthy and well i can be. so, simple. i like it, i hear the ring of truth in it but i don't really get what it means for me. now i do. here's what happened. for last two days i was in a full-immersion meditation retreat in ashram. by the way while i was meditating 7 hrs a day and chanting om namah shivaya several more hwubby was in stockton having a grand time in a glorious music festival. i was invited as well. it was a wonderful and tantalizing event but my heart just can't say no to  being able to meditate in deep silence with fellow meditators, drink and eat and breathe the sound of om namah shivaya. never ceases to amaze me that i would have such an unconditionally supportive hwubby. om namah shivaya indeed.

anyway, what am i supposed to be talking about? right, panchakarma, new baseline. from the get go let me pat myself on the back by saying i do have a pretty strong meditation practice. i thought i was doing really well, having all this marvelous connection with my innermost and highest self, fantastic insights, beautiful visions and so on and so forth. but, wow, my experiences in these last two days have been like, looking at  wall-to-wall high def screen....no, better yet, retina display, no pixel can be detected whatsoever, after watching a good quality one for a long time. it was excellent before but now it is off the charts clear, vibrant. another metaphor is this. looking into golden gate bridge from east bay after a huge storm when the air is squeaky clean, dust free. and, believe me, i had a few 'sky is so clear that i can see forever' moments before.

i can say that i was basking pretty much in this abundant state of consciousness the entire two days.  the truly stunning thing is it feels so natural, so easy, that i am really surprised that i didn't feel this way before, like, how did i live before this. i can truly see through inner eye that the qualities such as joy, courage, strength, steadfastness and many more are not stuff that i have to look for outside of me. there is this greatness shining inside me, this cosmic mansion that is bright as a thousand suns glowing in my center. like cloud activity that is constant in the sky, mental activity brewing from deep-seated tendencies come and go, form and dissolve. but they are not me. i am that cosmic mansion that is always shining. boundless. untouched. unchanged. i am within that and that is within me.

photo by nat

i have no idea how panchakarma works to help get me to this place but i can say for sure it has somehow dissolved that deep-seated tendency to worry. well, i shouldn't say that so soon but the tendency to worry has definitely much, much weakened, so much so that i can relatively effortlessly choose not to let it get in the driver seat of my thoughts, speech and emotions. now, for me, that is true freedom. it's like wonder oil has cleansed the lens of worry-dust through which i perceive the world.

in another few hours it will be time to commemorate passover, when the jewish people were led out of the narrow land through divine guidance. welcome to pesach, suk wah. it's time to move out of narrow consciousness for good. worrying is not what i am made of. believing otherwise is ignorance. and somehow the ancient sages in their profound meditation they saw that. what's even more astonishing is that they could see that panchakarma, with all that oil drinking, could play a role in dissolving this malignant tumor. this is why ayurveda text says the true goal of panchakarma is moksha, liberation.

(TOOK A PAUSE TO MAKE VEG FOR 50+ PEOPLE TONIGHT.)

photo by nat

as i was preparing food for tonight's seder i remember a recurring image that came to me in meditation in the last two days. it goes like this. i am looking out from a moving car's window. place is new york city. fifth avenue? well, wherever fendi the store is. for my friends in india, fendi is this long-time institution in italy this is widely regarded as among the top best in designing and making fur. anyway one garment in the display window absolutely catches my eye. i see it in meditations no less clear than i saw it then. a snow white, beautifully made hoodie. i love a nice hoodie, especially a nice and white one like that. this one has a special elegance that is beyond words. it is then that it dawns on me that this one is made of mink. a white mink hoodie. now that's what i call truly quietly expensive. what was i thinking at that moment? it goes like this. no, i couldn't afford that and even if i could it's crazy to spend that kind of money on a hoodie. what am i thinking when i see it in meditations? firstly, i don't need another hoodie. secondly, i see that those thoughts came from poverty consciousness that foments unworthiness, worry and their relatives. once i get this i look at this object with a new eye. i appreciate its beauty, craftsmanship and boldness. i have a strong sense that i already own it.

so, let me say it and say it again with a delightful yiddish flavor. let me get my tuchas out of mitzrayim already. dayenu. dayenu. may it be so.

photo by nat

    

drinking oil. wonder oil. mantra. japa.

photo by sonia

i have to confess. even after twenty years i really didn't have much of a relationship with the mantra om namah shivaya. until i was about to drink 180 ml of medicated sesame oil at 6.30 am on jan 1, 2013. the truth of the matter is i have always felt more naturally connected to the mantra Hamsa. fortunately my guru is totally okay with that. anyway there i am staring down into the cup of golden oil.  all i know is i am at a forkroad. either i am going to throw up or.....it is at that moment that quietly and suddenly om namah shivaya arises within. strong and clear. in another fraction of a moment i see within my guru's beaming face. we are eye to eye. i feel this surge of fearlessness steadily fill me up. i know exactly what to do. quietly i say om namah shivaya. i take a gulp. another round of mantra. another gulp. and so on and so forth. until cup is empty and my being is filled with pure golden oil and pure golden mantra.

two days later my sadhana study buddy emailed me the new year message from shri guru. what else but....mantra japa. and the mantra to focus on this year is...drum roll.... om namah shivaya.

i have to say that was such an 'ego massage' moment. i was seriously congratulating myself for being so tuned in. :)

all self-praising aside, ever since then my heart has been gushing with love for om namah shivaya. fresh love. sweet love. i would find myself loudly saying it and it is in sync with whatever emotion that is going thru me. i say om namah shivaya in an angry tone. i say om namah shivaya in a questioning tone. i say om namah shivaya in a 'whatever' tone. in a frustrated tone. in a happy tone. i say it anywhere. when i am waving flame in temple. when i am doing grocery, picking out mango and carrot. when i am drinking decaf - no, ayurveda doesn't say you shouldn't eat this or drink that, what the ancient text says is if you can digest it you can eat anything in moderation once in a while. om namah shivaya to the ancient rishis and my doctorji who follows the texts to the dots and tees, which, by the way, is why i love vaidyagrama so much.  doctorji's mantra is,'we only do what the text says.'

back from detour, suk wah. what am i talking about? o yes, the mantra om namah shivaya and snehapana, drinking oil. the mind would never be able to figure out the mechanism by which going thru this major panchakarma treatment would get me to the place of enjoying mantra repetition. but, hey, i don't know exactly how electricity works either. i can still enjoy the benefits of it. to me this is what panchkarma is about, clearing the way for me to plug into the source of divine love. let that sublime electric current flow thru me. by the way, a facebook friend says, wonder oil it is. he's right. this, ta-da, is the wonder oil treatment.  It unveils the light of the mantra. om namah shivaya

photo by nat

steam box. not sauna.

a question i frequently get is this, six weeks in india? where do you go? what do you do? sometimes i wink, smile and say, i go to a hospital, drink oil, and sit in a box. it's priceless to take in the reaction on the other person's face.

all kidding aside it never ceases to amaze me the depths and breadths of wisdom and knowledge that can be revealed in meditation. really. the rishis thousands of years ago in profound meditation see all this knowledge regarding health and wellbeing. how detailed do they see? look at this treatment. svedaa. here in vaidyagrama it is done according to ayurveda text. as authentic as it gets. check out my head. it is outside of the steam box. why? because the brain and eyes are the most sensitive organs in the body. one must not subject them to heat. then, the heat. what is the right amount of heat? according to what's prescribed in the ancient text, it should be just enough for me to break a sweat. last year i got stuck in a preconception that it has to be very hot. you know, like sauna, steam room. i kept complaining to the therapist, this is not hot enough. eventually doctorji had to come. he lightly touched my forehead and nose, examined the tiny smear of sweat and says, this is fine. yet in the back of my mind there was a teenie weenie bit of doubt. really, this is hot enough? fortunately it wasn't strong enough to impact my words and action.

anyway here i am doing the second round of sitting in the box. the mind is quiet. the body is relaxed. i have faith in the treatment, therapist and doctor. in this stillness i actually sense there is a loosening up in a deep way happening in the body. as i type this, about a month after completion of a full course of panchakarma i realize a very deeply lodged mental knot is gone. it's that unpredictable lurch of restlessness, sudden grip of impatience, out-of-nowhere roar of anguish...you get the pic. i clearly sense there is plenty of inner space that i wasn't aware before. they are pulsing sweetness, happiness, contentment, strength and so much more. just the simple sense of spaciousness lifts the spirit that much higher, expands perspective that much wider and bigger.

as the saying goes, proof is in the pudding. so i can testify that something did get pulled out. some garbage.

according to the text this is, briefly, how panchakarma works. toxins, whether from improper metabolism of food or negative thoughts, emotions and words, are stuck in cells and molecules. like stubborn stains in a cup. oil loosen them. oil also render cell walls porous and permeable. loosened toxin can then be drawn into alimentary canal, ready to be eliminated thru one of the five acts of purification. and there you have it. panchakarma. five acts of purification. sitting in the box is not an act of purification. it is part of prepping the body to be ready for the act. as a matter of fact, it takes two weeks to prepare the body, including but not only drinking oil and sitting in the steam box, for one act of purification. worth it? you bet. the even better news is, unless i keep piling on new garbage this is a lasting effect.

what other questions do i get? for example, what else did i do besides drinking oil and sitting in a box? hmmm, o yes, for one, doing puja to meenakshi, the cow. but, that's another post altogether.

human life. brass lamp.

it is said in ayurvedic scriptures that a person's life is like a brass oil lamp. gee. what does that mean? you see, when a brass lamp is sparkled and shiny it is the metaphor of a strong and clean human body. melted butter is the pure  nourishment that is being fed into the body regularly with moderation. the wicks are the organs, systems and tissues that digest  the nutrients and turns them into forms that the body can assimilate. together they create the vessel in which the life force blazes. the lamp burns high and bright until the oil runs out. meanwhile great care is taken to keep the wick standing tall, remove particles of dirt and ash from the melted ghee. and this is the way how a person lives his/her life. a clean, simple and full way. only then the person lives life with a natural force that is filled with peace and joy. when oil runs out the flame goes out quickly and quietly. therefore, as far as i know, in all ancient traditions, jewish, chinese, indian, one thing is agreed. it is a sign of great blessedness in a person who dies in his sleep. in fact, rabbi abraham joshua heschel, a universally respected and admired teacher, passed away during sabbath in his sleep. now, that is going out in sublime style. why am i going on and on about all this? my step-father, as i type this, is lying in hospital, in his final days. we discovered him in coma the morning after we had dinner together. i prepared him a plate of food. as always, he ate in quiet. now as i look back i did recognize a tiny signal. he was kind of subdued. given this was the first time i have seen him in over a year because we live a pacific ocean apart, i thought he was a little less excited that i expected him to be. so what did i do? i just let go of the expectation and enjoyed the dinner, enjoyed being with him. less than twenty hours later, i walked through the door. i saw his face before my mother said a word. honest to god and my innermost and highest self, i took a glance over his face as he was lying on his bed i felt this message within me. HE HAS NO WRINKLES. HE LOOKS YOUNGER. HE IS GONE. soon i recall my sister's face as i dressed her body for funeral. the same thing. SHE HAS NO WRINKLES. SHE LOOKS YOUNGER. SHE IS GONE.

indeed. when the flame of life force has gone out, the brass lamp body looks the same. yet something is different. the light is no more. and this is what death really is. the light of life has moved on. 

tweak and twist jewish high holidays.

chag sameach. i love jewish high holidays. the intention is sublime. the ten days are really about reflecting on the previous year. the structure is brilliant. begins with new year, rosh hashana and ends with at-one-ment, yom kippur. the whole idea is to look at where in the past year i had been 'missing the mark.' cheyt. a term from archery, meaning just that, not as it has come to be known as 'sin.' what a relief, huh. no judgement. no criticism. above all, all i need to do is to identify the points where i 'missed the mark' and return to where i ought to be, my highest self. the prayers are to steer our attention in such direction and stay there for the ten days and, hopefully, beyond. this process, teshuva, is intense work, hard work. can't stand on the sideline. have to dig deep and be able to look at things as they are, me as i behaved, acted and thought, and, believe me, it can be ugly and unpleasant.

now that brings me to my humble suggestion for upcoming high holidays. tah dah. the truth of the matter is, teshuva, is emotional and mental detox. don't believe me? listen to the recurring calls to yhvh in yom kippur. SWEEPT IT OUT. THROW IT OUT. WIPE IT OUT. CLEAN IT ALL OUT. in another word. flush it out of you.

here is where knowledge comes in. liver works hard during detox. toxins are drawn into circulatory system before they can be expelled. think this metaphor, flush it down the toilet. and herein lies is the problem. part of yom kippur tradition is fasting. no food is good. it conserves digestive fire to pull out toxin. but no drinking doesn't work so good. no water to flush it out. what happens is by late morning of yom kippur i begin to feel dizzy, and headache begins to set in. it gets worse in the afternoon. was it as bad as jon stewart says, i'm ready to punch a baby? i was just too dizzy to know. but hwubby took a look at me, decided on his own that he had to take me home. i took some rice milk, went horizontal for a bit before i could return to the finale service.

according to ayurveda, yom kippur takes place in the season of autumn. two key words for autumn. heat and wind. in the body the wind blows heat upward into the brain where the mind dwells. the toxic heat stirs up negative emotions.

so here's what i'm gonna do next yim kippur. stay hydrated. in fact, during the ten days of teshuva make sure i drink nice and plenty. sweep it out. throw it out. wipe it out. flush it all out. return to who i really am. light. a blazing flame. love. joy. courage. strength. kindness. eternal goodness. eternal godness. hallelujah.

in my humble opinion, this is the number one greatness about this country. i can freely draw on whatever works on the spiritual path. ancient knowledge, cutting edge knowledge, ancient prayers, modern means. i can tweak and twist to my heart's content. this is true liberty.

brain collision. brain oxygen

there i am immersed in book rewrites. well, actually, not exactly rewriting but restructuring, reconfiguring the way the narrative flows and fleshing out certain aspects that are not written out in the current manuscript. in particular the immortals world. there are scenes of it but i wouldn't exactly say i have painted a world with characters. what has all this got to do with brain collision? what happens is i am working at seeing what's going on where in that world, who's saying what and doing what and .... hwubby pokes through the door and asks, do we have a record of who we sent books to for the back-to-school email blast? boom, and i am not exaggerating, there goes my brain and eye. i look at him. my mind is in the middle of nowhere. i have completely lost that world and this one too. a total train wreck above neck.

back when i was in vaidyagrama i had bloodwork done. the results show that i am just below normal regarding levels of red blood cells and hemoglobin. fascinating. because the blood work done in the states showed that i am 'within range' and i was told that i was fine, not anemic. since then, and i am not kidding, i have been getting a recurring message from within that says one word, oxygen. i immediately knew what that means. i need more oxygen into the brain.

okay, suk wah, what are you talking about, what's the connection here? bear with me a little bit. so when i was in new york, my sister-in-law insisted on me seeing her chinese doctor. i went. here's something amazing about blending wisdom from the east and knowledge from the west. dr sun put something on my fingertip. it's a small device that fits like a cap. after a few seconds a number shows up. dr sun takes one look at it and says, you don't have enough oxygen.

so here's my inner wisdom telling me. this brain collision experience has something to do with the reality that i need more oxygen in the brain. right now i'm going through a chinese herb regimen prescribed by dr sun. i'm already feeling some difference. at least i am sure that it's not that i am lazy. there is a situation in my body that needs to be fine-tuned. i have to be strong enough to go back and forth between the worlds.

anyway, a chinese doing ayurveda and taking chinese herbs with the data from western medicine. how cool is that. how fortunate i am.

himalayas come to us

this hair cut happens five weeks into our panchakarma at vaidyagrama. what's cool about this is that during the main treatments we are not allowed to cut hair, shave nor trim nails. really. i have never seen hwubby with a beard till then. that jew-fro is growing wild and happy. so why is that? according to ayurveda, the knowledge of health, wellbeing and longeity, nails and hair are wastes. their growth is part and parcel of the elimination and cleansing and purification process.

so on this sunday a barber from a neighboring village comes in and does his thing. i love it. when doctor harik comes in the next morning he says, nice cut, it's a boy cut. well, exactly how i would have liked it. what about hwubby. check this out.

gorgeous, huh. by the way, the guy he is with is shankar bhau. by-by the way, bhau is their endearing way of calling a friend 'brother.' sharkar bhau is the priest in a distinguished temple 11,000 feet up on himalayas. on november 15 of each year he would close the temple for winter. the last thing he does is to put enough ghee in a lamp so that it will keep ablaze thru out winter. this man, i'm telling you, is overflowing with joy and devotion. he blesses the mala that is around hwubby's neck. hwubby loves, loves, loves him. so do i. when he hums a vedic mantra i can feel the power that flows through five thousand years, that sources from before time and will go on as long as there is time. ever fresh. ever full. ever potent. he makes the prasad for the new year day puja. as i type this i am tasting the sweet vibration in that heavenly sweet.

see how fortunate we are. we don't have to go to himalayas. himalayas come to us. so let's chant.

prasad. blessed sweets

there are a handful times during our six and a half weeks in vaidyagrama when we actually had food that was sweetened with sugar. NO, not meals. definitely, absolutely not in the daily food. doctorji says, we don't cook for the tongue, we want your digestive system to rest and your liver to work as little as possible during panchakarma. so food in vaidyagrama is what in the west would label as 'high carb, low protein.' I am not exaggerating when i say one patient said, you are starving us. the truth of the matter is, according to ayurveda, i'm told, the ideal food protocol during panchakarma is this. two meals a day. boiled veg. kanji, meaning rice and water. it might sound unbearable. but i have to say, it really grows on me. after a short while i have to beg dr harik, pls, may i have kanji three times a day? no kidding. hwubby says, you have to understand how much suk wah loves to eat.

i discover that the natural flavors and tastes of veg comes through delightfully and enticingly by boiling them. this has made a huge shift in the way i cook now.

for those who are concerned with protein deficiency, don't you worry. there's plenty of mung. now at home we are eating mung in one form or another everyday. it's a must-have for hwubby's breakfast.

in addition, one of my daily meds is a cup of hot milk, that is freshly drawn from a cow on the grounds, and comes with a sweet med. on that note, we are so lucky in east bay. raw milk is available in berkeley bowl. it's at arm's length literally.

all right, what am i talking about? yes, divine sweets. periodically brahmin priests come to the grounds to perform pujas. The core purpose of any puja is to invoke grace, express gratitude for blessings bestowed upon us, pray for harmony, wellbeing for all, strength and courage to move through obstacles, both within and without. most of all we ask for divine guidance to connect with our own love, our divinity, within and see the same love and divinity in everything, everywhere in the universe.

it is the tradition to offer sweets that are specially made for the puja. here, if i recall correctly, it's rice, nuts, pure sugar cane juice, cardamom, ginger, turmeric. an offering to cows on that day in the year when we express our thanks to these phenomenal beings who work hard, serve mankind with quiet steadfastness and make miracle food from humble source. no exaggeration.  they eat grass and produce milk.

anyhow, such is the power of blessed food. it is infused with the nectarean vibration of the hours of vedic chants. truly sweets from seventh heaven. no wonder even doctor ji allow us to partake it during panchakarma. unless you are going thru some intensely intense treatment, like drinking ghee.

subtle shift

going into panchakarma i don’t really have a specific disease in the likes of diabetes, multiple sclerosis, not even high blood pressure or cholesterol. i’m not on any medication. so it’s more subtle for me to gauge the benefits. not like hwubby. after a couple of weeks into the course of treatments designed for him he’s already off all meds. but, back to me. i notice something is shifting within. i recognize some deeply lodged tendencies are loosened. being judgmental to myself and others. taking what others says or do personal. like this or that. doesn’t like this or that. and so on and so forth. i still see thoughts and emotions roaring. but it’s much easier to just watch instead of reacting to them. it just doesn’t make sense to be tossed around by anger, resentment and their extended family.  as dr ramkumar says, love is the only natural emotion, all other emotions are unnatural. simple and right on the money.

my eyes drink ghee

 literally. here’s how it goes down. breena says, they’re going to give me eye treatment. i say, what about your eyes? by the way, breena and i are guru gita buddies here in vaidyagrama. one morning after prayer i am walking my way back to my room and what do i hear? some woman chanting guru gita. this is a 182-verse ancient hymn that is all about the nature of guru, how to attain the guru, what the benefits are and all that great stuff. for me chanting guru gita is taking a bath in holy waters. i love it. so you can imagine how ecstatic i am to find out that breena and i have the same guru and, yes o yes, she loves to chant guru gita as well. dr ramdas says, i want to learn guru gita. since then we have been doing it in some evening prayers. 

i am going off on the tangent. where am i? o yes, eyes drinking ghee. during one of those after food one-hundred-step walks with breena she mentions she has an eye condition and they are going to give her eye treatment. as she is talking it comes to me that maybe my eye fatigue can benefit from it too, especially since my right eye is so much more short-sighted than the left, so the left must have been in overdrive for a long period of time.

so there i am lying in the shades. a little wall of dough around each eye. dr ramdas carefully pours warm ghee into the ‘hole.’ i feel this luxurious warmth like a comforter draping deep into one eye, and then the other. now, keep in mind that he did say right from the get go, there’ll be some burning sensation. back to me lying there with warm ghee over my closed yes. i hear dr say, slowly blink. welcome to the real work, suk wah.

i’ve had the treatment thrice. the first time i could hardly open to anywhere more than a tiny slit and that’s with hwubby sitting by me and holding my hand and coaching me to take deep breaths. as i reflect on it i see two things. first. fear. but then there is also a practical aspect. the light is still too bright for the eyes. i pray that i won’t be gripped by fear. i’m determined to go through what i have come here for. healing. healing in the body and mind. what about spirit? spirit is pure and full, always. it’s the mind that gets ill-at-ease. of course there is also the physical karma component, the consequences of bad actions i did in past lives. 

anyway on the second day we do it in a darker room and i bring along sunglasses and a pair of black pants neatly folded. dr ramdas puts the sunglasses over my eyes. hwubby holds it above them. i exhale deeply and open eyelids. what do i see? a sea of shining, golden molten ghee with shards of blinding lights. it is rocky for a little while. the burning sensation when the eyes are open throw my breathing rhythm off. i say to myself, i am not giving up, i am sticking with this. then clear guidance comes to me, open when inhale long. i follow it like grabbing a lifeline. it works beautifully.

how about the third day? even easier. how do i feel? the eyes are calmer. in fact i am done with the fear. actually it’s more like i watch it subside and dissipate. i hear the eyes saying, we love this food, we need this food. 

i ask dr ramdas, how come both eyes get the same medicated ghee? he says, they know how much nourishment to take, which gets more, which gets less. indeed, the body is supremely intelligent. all it asks is for me to pay a little attention. if i don’t listen to its gentle promptings it’s gonna step up the volume, and that’s the road down diseases.

golden congee

we talk a lot about food an eating in vaidyagrama. to kick it off, a visiting swami says, with a sunshine grin on his round moon face, in his impeccable indian accent, this is a five star ashram and the food is colorless, odorless and tasteless. he bursts into a hearty laughter. it’s contagious.

all kidding aside, as dr harikrishnan says calmly and clearly, they work hard to make neutral food here, they purposely don’t cook for the tongue. so when you eat you are truly only eating for the stomach. but let me be clear. the menus are thoughtfully designed. they are carbo-centered because protein makes your liver work a lot more than carbs and during treatments they want your liver to work as little as possible. ingredients are fresh and naturally grown. cooking is simple. no chilies, garlic, fermented or fried food. salt is used sparingly and only rock salt. no refined sugar. our herbal drinks are sweetened with jaggery, pure solidified cane juice.

a lot of the indian food i’ve been eating are out the window. how about mango lassi? no. why? yoghurt is fermented. milk and fruit are absolutely a no-no combo in ayurveda. together in your stomach they produce toxins. such toxins, according to ayurveda, are the root of all diseases. by the way toxins are also produced when your digestion is not strong and food is not metabolized properly.

on a side note ayurveda don’t treat food allergies individually. they believe if the person has strong digestive fire and good eating habits there’s no such thing as something you can’t eat in moderate amounts judiciously. that’s what dr harikrishnan says when i tell him i am wheat sensitive. that was a month ago. two nights ago supper was chapatis and beet chutney. i didn’t feel like sending them back. hwubby says, when don’t you try it. so i do. sure i am paying more attention about chewing well. but the fact remains i don’t get headache and feel heavy after chapatis.

having said that i have to say my top fave staple food is congee. so i’ve been trying to convince dr harikrishnan to let me have congee as the grain during the rest of my stay. he thinks deeply and turns to unni, the assistant doctor, put a little ghee in her congee for breakfast and lunch, not supper. then he says to me, you need to gain some strength, you can gain a little weight and you don’t want to. really. he is so perceptive.

anyhow, there you have it. my breakfast. golden congee of red rice with a little ghee. whole mung. papadam. i can tell my stomach loves it. i feel wonderful. none of those heavy and dull feeling i always have after food.

congee party

here in vaidyagrama they go for the real deal. only authentic ayurveda. what does that mean? dr ramkukar gets this question a lot. he says, we go by the classical, ancient ayurveda text, we act according to the text, we perform treatments as described in the text. but then this compassionate doctor also has another guiding principle. something is better than nothing. 

case in point. the text says the food during pancharma is kanji and boiled veg, twice a day, at ten thirty and five thirty. kudos to him he tirelessly finds innovative and lighthearted ways to get this across in our awareness. but he never says, you have to do this. rather, he understands that people, particularly those from the west, like, or more accurately, need a dinner party every now and then. so he would organize these communal supper after evening prayer. yes, we never skip evening prayer here. always promptly at six fifteen. anyway the cooking staff would bring in cookers, pots and pans and so on. he would beam with a mischievous twinkle and says, wine will be served after food. sure enough we would be served our cocktails, i mean our medicines. and we are ecstatic.

a couple of days ago there was one such supper for the occasion of russian orthodox christmas. a congee party. i’m not kidding. he has a pot of red rice congee, a pot of veg and a sprinkle bar set up on a marble bench. he plants his beaming face at the marble bench and serves a little bit of three powder mixes on each tray. coriander. curry. mint. and then he throws in his booming laughter and says, put a little of each in congee, tell me which one you like. i have to say. i love them all. i down two bowls. i look around. everybody is happy eating kanji. who knew. 

i offer salutations to these beautiful souls.

bowel talk

let me get this straight off the bet. bowel talk is big here. in fact, when dr harikrishnan comes at seven thirty in the morning, he asks four questions before he examines tongue and reads pulse. how’s sleep? bowel today? how’s appetite? urine normal? by the way chinese medicine is like that as well. when do you poop? what’s the poop like? consistency, color, odor? there’s a sheet that we have to fill in everyday that is titled ‘recording of bowel movement details.’ bowel talk is serious business here. not an evening program goes by without a mentioning from dr ramkumar or a question from someone going through panchakarma about bowel in one way or another. i’m not kidding. like i ask, is egg ayurveda correct? ramkumar says, among other things, egg increases constipation. one person asks, what if we make an omelette, or scramble egg? dr chuckles and says, doesn’t matter how you cook it, it’s still egg. the poor guy has been on seven days of drinking ghee, meaning seven meals of rice porridge. i can’t blame him for having thoughts of an omelette.

i don’t give it any thought to take psyllium everyday. but dr ramkumar says, in an evening program, from ayurveda’s point of view, if your body is strong, digestive fire is strong, you ought to be able to get out of bed in the morning and have bowel without using any external stimulant. in fact this is one of the fifteen major health indicators. i can say this much. if i don’t poop early in the day my meditation takes on a different quality and i  feel kind of off and stuffed and heavy and dull by the afternoon. on this note ramkumar tells a poignant true story. he is speaking to this person, a go-getter, a big busy guy apparently. the person believes he is healthy. ramkumar asks, at night can you go to bed and fall asleep quickly. the man says, no, that's the one thing i cannot do. then ramkumar asks, in the morning can you get up and get out of bed right away, feeling rested? the man says, no, i am not awake until i have coffee. ramkumar asks the third question, can you have bowel in the morning not taking anything else, not even water? the man says, i don't want to hear any more from you.

psyllium has its rightful place in the universe but if i can’t poop without taking it on a daily basis, it’s dependency, it’s attachment. we chinese say, you can’t just treat the headache or footache. in the same way, ayurveda doesn’t treat constipation. it treats the person with this condition of constipation. when i tell dr harikrishnan i have been having bowel by seven thirty, before he comes, for four days, a big smile flashes across his otherwise usually serious expression. indeed i have been feeling lighter, clearer. i feel free.

food not made for taste

the ideal diet protocol during panchakarma is...drum roll please...two times a day, a bowl of rice porridge and a small bowl of veg. when i first heard this i had started ghee drinking. i had one meal a day. rice porridge and veg. i noticed something remarkable. i love the porridge. i love the cabbage, opo, green bean or bitter squash, whatever veg being grown here. simply cooked. little spice. no chili. bits of coconut. that’s it. sure they use different varieties of rice for the congee. ancient varieties that are used in the countryside. still when i think about it, it’s rice cooked in a lot of water. couldn’t be simpler. yet i surprise myself. i savor every spoonful and morsel of them. there’s this natural,  subtle sweetness in veg that i didn’t notice before. and how about that nectarean after-taste floating on the palette from the bitter squash. so calming. so satisfying. i don’t feel i need any other food. i feel light and centered. just by focusing on appreciating this food it’s so effortless to be in a witnessing state. stunning. i truly have the experience what food is medicine is about. 

it surprises me that i have not experienced any craving since arriving here three and a half weeks ago.  for a start, there’s no chai here. on that note i have discovered that the common way to have tea in india, at least the places where i have been, they just dip a tea bag into hot water. back to vaidyagrama. they don’t serve tea or coffee, not even decaf. yes we do have tea twice a day, late morning and mid afternoon, but, to be accurate, they are herbal drinks. dry ginger, coriander, cardamom, tulsi leaves, sweetened by jaggery. some deep alchemy must be happening because hwubby has not experienced any gripping wanting for latte, espresso, and so on. having said that there is a running joke here that there is a secret latte stand in the bush behind the internet corner. 

so, are we actually getting the ideal panchakarma food the entire time we are here? well, the doctors are compassionate and tolerant. they understand that just getting our bodies here is already a big deal. the treatments are very intense. for a while i have to remind the mind that i might not be actively doing things like reading, writing the treatments themselves are very exhausting. this is like gutting out the plumbing and sewage in a fixer upper. as a matter of fact, dr ramkumar has a fabulous metaphor. it’s like a house that has been in need of repair and in neglect over long period of time. so before you can start doing any cleaning and repair, you need to move out of it. you can’t keep living in it and go about your life while all that gutting is going on. in fact a good contractor will say, until you are out of the house i can’t do a thing. and how about this? you think your house just needs cosmetic repair. but then when the contractor starts opening up walls and pipes he finds yucky, rotting stuff that you were not aware of. we planned a sixty grand fix up on our house. it ended up a hundred.

i digress. 

where am i? yes, regular food. unless we are in major treatments like ghee drinking, herbal enemas, purgation and the like we have three meals a day, a whole variety of food and in the words of the doctors, we can eat as much as we want. how so? because the food here is simple and pure. if we want for it’s the stomach saying, i need it. not the tongue.

for me they are delicious. couldn’t be more organic and local and seasonal than this. still it’s not what i would call strong, vibrant, bold, sizzling flavors. definitely not gourmet. they are not made for the taste. the core principle is to have the liver work as little as possible, to go easy on the digestive tract. so here ‘s another funny thing. hwubby is thrilled to hear that he can ask for more. he asks dr harikrishnan, can i have another papadam? dr says, no, that’s the only thing made for the taste. yes, there’s a time for tolerance and there’s a time to draw the line in the sand. and here’s a really funny thing. i don’t even have the desire for another papadam.

i can see the work cut out for me when i go back. a major makeover in cooking and eating habits. i don’t think i will stop cold turnkey all that yummy food out there. i can see a phenomenal transformation looming. it’s gonna be fun.