Saturday, May 21, 2011

ultimate measure of ability to surrender

i would be the first one to admit i am not tech savvy. nope. not a nerd, nor geek. i just kind of know enough to use the web in a limited way for own little purpose. so when hwubby says, my booksite is down the first emotion that erupts in me is helplessness. the first thought that hits me is this. we have to pay at least seventy-five dollars to the web person to fix this.

hwubby is very tolerant and kind. he says, why don't you poke around. so i do. honestly i don't know what to look for. i mean, i have no idea why the screen is all blank. have i or hwubby done something wrong? bingo. there's an old, old residual tendency. i take in one deep breath after another, slowly. then a thought comes up. i'm sure this is not the first time this has happened to anybody in internet history. then one thought pulls out another like pulling silk from cocoon. this could be a common thing. there's probably something about this in 'frequently asked questions.' i start to feel more settled and go down the list of headings on the support page. where to begin? so i do the obvious. from the beginning. 'browser issues.' i have no idea what this means. but there is something soothing when i see a list of instructions. i love following rules. what can i say. i grow up singing 'god save the queen.' it's still my fave tune. but i digress.

by the time i come to the end of the instruction list i see some discouragement needling me. so far nothing works. where do i go from here? what ought i do? i take a pause, and i see something. there is a paragraph at the very bottom of the section. i read it, try to comprehend it and get nowhere. it's something to do with service provider's cache. it's greek to me.

meanwhile i've been communicating with hwubby while he's in between meetings. in the spirit of transparency, and maybe just to show that i am doing something, i sent him the paragraph. he comes right back. he says, i think this is it. i say, what do you mean? turns out the booksite goes through some internet service provider. another phone call later. voila. the site is back up.

the whole point of this experience, for me, is this. stay calm. stay connected to the inner self. stay open. stay in the present moment. as a matter of fact it dawns on me that the ultimate measure of the ability to surrender is the ability to surrender fully into the present moment the way i am able to follow through the instructions one by one, step by step.

hwubby says, yeah, you don't want to save seventy-five dollars. i say, there's nothing wrong with that. besides, whatever works to get me connected with the inner self, it's cool. and if it happens to save money, more power to suk wah. yay.

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