there i am reciting the first verse of the poem 'breakthrough.' it goes smoothly without a hitch. sound flows out of the windpipe and through the lips effortlessly. then something happens. the last word of the verse emerges and subsides. silence reigns. a space before and beyond words. i watch my awareness suspended in this utterly anxiety-free state. at the same time i notice a thought drift through the mental horizon. shouldn't i be worried about forgetting the words, losing my mind? the thought drifts in and soon drifts out. i don't feel any urge to follow it, act on it or even think more thought about it. i just let it come and go on its own. a little while goes by. the first word of the second verse of the poem comes to me. and the second word. and the first line. and i just get on with it. there was a long time when i am all worked up about what should i do if i lose the mantra during meditation, what will happen if i lose track of the meditation instruction...blah blah blah.
it's kind of like this. i want to go a certain place by train. i get the ticket, pack up, hop on the train, find a seat, sit through the train ride. as the train moves closer to where i want to go i don't want to get off the train. well, the train is what takes me to the destination. the train is not the destination. thank the train for taking me there. move on.