Saturday, May 14, 2011

the ability to surrender

here are my three new baskets. resistance. lack of understanding. the inability to surrender. and here's my new practice. whenever i catch some mental activity, it doesn't matter what it is. thought. emotion. thought, emotion triggered by something i do or say. thought, emotion triggered by something other people do or say, or don't do, or don't say. thought and emotion triggered by memory. whatever. the point is to see which basket i can throw it into. so here's my next question. what is the difference between resistance and the inability to surrender? the mind is kind of confused. i ask hwubby, what do you think? he says, first of all, this is a very powerful progression. well, i can't really take credit for it. they come from my guru's poem 'breakthrough'. as a matter of fact this is the core of the verse i am memorizing this week. anyhow, anyhoo, hwubby says, resistance is simply fighting, like, rejecting outright. i say, i see, it's like, i can't meditate everyday. he says, not really, that's more 'inability to surrender,' can't let go. i say, ouch. i pause a moment and say, what about this, meditation makes me tired, i don't want to meditate. hwubby says, that's lack of understanding. oy, now i feel a little discouraged. he says, resistance is, i think, shutting down, closing off. i jump on it and say, so it's really raw ignorance. he says, no, lack of understanding is ignorance. he pauses. i can tell something is going through his big brain. he says, inability to surrender is you know what you should do and.. and i finish the sentence, you don't do it. now that's kind of like not enough spiritual strength to tip you over to the beneficial direction, right. he says, yeah, maybe. o me o my, i can see this search for crystal clear meanings of the three baskets is, in and of itself, is a practice in a class of its own. on a conscious level i don't feel any clearer now before i started. yet i am pumped up with the desire and determination to get to the bottom of it. or is there a bottom?

okay, my friend clara is calling. she is going to do grocery at my favorite store. gotta go.

on the way to the store i tell her what i am contemplating about. she says, this morning i walk my dog and lose one earring. i say, how does that happen? she says, the wind blows back my hoodie, i pull it back over because it is chilly, the wind blows it right back, i guess it's somewhere in there. i say, your fave earring. she says, yeah. immediately it comes to both of us. that's a great case of checking in the ability to surrender.

i can see this is going to a fun contemplation to be continued.

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