Saturday, May 28, 2011

duck under. ride it out.

it is magical to meditate predawn. yet it still is not always easy to get up predawn after all these years. no wonder mahatma gandhi says as much, it is easier to endure a bullet in the chest than to do the same thing day after day over a long period of time. something as simple as get out of bed. just when i am congratulating myself and say, suk wah, you've arrived, you have no problem getting up three am, and then, boom, in recent weeks i have been coming to awake only to find this pull to hold the body hostage in the warm and snug cocoon under the quilt. the mind is adrift. randomly crisscrossing mental currents collide with each other generating splashes in awareness, shaking up focus, tearing at the will to stay connected with the voice from the inner self. but, at the same time, i can clearly see that's all these mental swirls and twirls no longer cripple me the way they used to be able to. i am now better at gauging their momentum and be smart about picking a fight. sometimes, as sun tzu, our chinese military strategist, says, retreat is advance. and this is how i assess these mental tornadoes. sure they are weather. nonetheless they are ferocious. so i keep surrendering to the inner message that says, duck under into the breath, ride it out.

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