invoking grace for the departing souls in haiti. 45 m + 9 m

today's meditation has a special and specific focus: invoking grace for the departing souls in haiti, may each one of you be at peace on your continued journey.

as i sing aum and plunge into the ocean of my breath i make a conscious effort to bring up the images brought to my attention by courtesy of the courage and dedication of many people from all corners of the globe. i take a moment to send prayers and blessings to each and everyone of my haitian brothers and sisters. i don't know any of their names. doesn't matter. they all have their own inner selves, as bright and big as mine.

time is elastic. 45 m + 17 m

for the third day i include my haitian brothers and sisters in singing aum and meditation.

for the third day i spontaneously slide into doing the nasal resonance before settling into the ocean of my breath.

for the third day i hear this from within, be light, be the light that you are.

with that i drop into the great deep of consciousness where time is elastic. hwubby says, last night i meditated 10 minutes, it was deep as can be, and this morning i meditated an hour, it was great and it didn't feel any longer or shorter than that ten minutes, isn't it something? it sure is something.

sucking bone, inner self. 45 m + 33 m

it isn't until i hear the timer going ugg-ugh-ugh that it occurs to me i drop out in the midst of singing aum.

truly it's a wonderful and marvelous thing. i'm filled with this buoyancy spiced with this robust buzz in the arms, hands and fingers. i feel so safe in the strong and sturdy posture. the comfort level is way high, beyond measure. the spine is a masterfully constructed column permeating delicious lights. at one point i remember two of my all time favorite eating pleasures: sucking the tiny bit of fluid between vertebrae and joints, extracting bone marrow. in fact, i just had a great time last night sorting through a big pot of soup of lamb shanks and fresh ginger that was cooked for six hours. i guess i could call that meditation in action:)

what good does it do not to forget i am the inner self? 45 m + 15 m

for now it's taking me longer than i would like to get up. am i lazy? what is it?

here's what i observe. as i leave the state of sleep i am aware of nothing else but the sound and movement of the gentle, easeful breath. in that state i remember nothing else, i know nothing else, i want nothing else. i am this hungry infant latched onto the nipple and won't let go and if you dangle the biggest diamond in front of it it couldn't care less.

that is a sweet and quiet state without worry, anxiety, or any relative of fear. but it is so alive, pulsating with the inaudible buzz of life force. the silence is thrilling. the stillness is exhilarating.

and so it is not difficult for me to hold back the old tendency to yank the body out of it. i have no doubt that the intelligence permeating every cell and nucleus and mitochondron is guiding the body to move along at a pace that is just right for me. which is not move at all, not in a way that is comprehensible to the mind and senses, kind of like a glacier is moving all the time but not detectable to the human eye. but through the pure awareness bathing in the breath ocean i know keenly that the body is responding to the steady and unyielding momentum flowing through my breath.

this message appears quietly as i relish being aloft in the ocean sound and warmth of my vast consciousness. any moment you think you are not enough, you don't have enough, you are not good enough in any kind of way is the sign you forget that you are the inner self.

right away i hear the old mental tendency enslaved in mitzrahim, narrow, poverty consciousness, shoot back, o give me a break, what good does that do?

not missing a beat i hear the response from you know who, no it doesn't change the external circumstances of the challenges but it puts you right back into a state of cool, clarity and courage and you can take care of whatever that's in front of you that needs to be taken care in an easeful manner.

bingo. i get it, not in the head but in the depths of bones and beyond the mind. why, of course, being cool, clear and courageous is who and what i am, is my nature, my essence.

waves of refreshing energy wash through me. one by one, the tasks of the day come forth.

i say, body, are you ready? the body responds, yes. And so does the mind.

let's go.

a moment along three and a half million years. 38 m + 15 m

i get off the phone with kaiser permanente's billing person. hwubby says, wow, your phone manner has really transformed, it's magnificent.

to give myself credit where credit is due, i really do well. firstly, i notice i'm not getting upset about the errors i spotted. i hold fast to the understanding that the billing person is just doing her job and has an inner self just as i have mine. secondly i watch my breath come in and go out at a easeful pace, and so my voice is infused with this tone of clarity and cheerfulness. lastly but not least, before i dial the number i say to myself, suk wah, remember what you see on nova, they discover this almost-human skull that is three and a half million years old, so stay in the moment with the task at hand but keep a perspective of where it is in the timeline of human history.

aaahhh. it is a pile of bills that i have to take care of with focused attention but bills they are. no more. no less. the outcome does not diminish nor add to my inner self. ayer asher ayer. i am that i am. i will be what i will be. i shall be what i shall be. i step up to what i am being called upon to do. and do it. whatever it is.

so how can the phone conversation with the medical billing specialist not be a pleasant experience?! in the three and a half million year scheme of view, taking care of medical bills and leading enslaved people out of narrow consciousness are fundamentally about taking care of what is necessary in the moment.

mmm...ng. ayer asher ayer. 38 m + 11 m

today, again, i'm even further drawn to the nasal resonance after the audible sound of aum is no more.

once i've gone through with the 36 pearls of my aum beads i'm just quietly filled with the steady sound of the ocean waves in the breath as it comes in and goes out.

and then the mechanism of the resonance happens spontaneously.

craving for the nasal resonance. 38 m + 15 m

as i go about my daily 36 rounds of aum it is clear that there is huge desire for the nasal resonance. how do i know for sure? well, after the last round, i sense some spontaneous actions happen: the back of tongue naturally arch up, the tip of tongue lightly touching the back of lower teeth, the mouth gently open, and i watch in amazement the humming tone reverberating in the nose and forehead. after a little while i can feel a gentle and steady hum buzzing all the way out there in the fingertips and toes and everywhere in between.