i want to be a carbon copy of avraham

there i said it. and i will say it again and again. whatever avraham stands for i want that. i feel so close to him. on many levels. i left where i was born and raised, crossed the ocean and settled in a foreign land. so when i learned that the first direct command avraham received from god is, go forth, leave your mother-and-father's land, i recognize the avraham in me.

avraham is devoted enough to circumcise at eighty-nine and, at the same time, confident enough to negotiate with god when god says, i want to destroy all the people in sodom. i want to become that.

and i have my own two-cents on the binding-son episode. from my simple, and others may consider simplistic, point of view, avraham realizes that his only son doesn't belong to him. god gave him this child and god can take it away. why? i don't know. i have come to the place that i accept that it's not for me to question and judge but to embrace what it is as it is and deal with it wholeheartedly with calm and clarity without attachment and letting go of the thoughts that say, this is mine, that is mine. and so it is i want to be a carbon copy of avraham.

we persevere our way through speed bumps and potholes

i didn't realize i love my weekly spiritual study session so much until it had to be canceled three weeks in a row. so today i go into it with an extra dose of appreciation and a refreshed sense of how precious it is to have a study companion who is so enthusiastic and committed to studying the scriptures and figuring out how to apply the teachings in day-to-day life. i truly feel energized as the session unfolds. i recognize that there is a mystical alchemy when dedicated seekers get together regularly to support each other as we persevere our way through the speed bumps and potholes on the path to become established in our own greatness. i am so fortunate.

happy and content to be a one trick pony

a person in my life has been moaning, groaning and goes, i'm wrong, i can't do it, it's hopeless, can't you understand? do i understand? hey, i'm a one trick pony. all i know, from eighteen years of meditation, chanting, studying with the teacher, contemplating the teachings and many direct experiences, i have within me a solid and stable source of contentment, courage, strength, serenity and sweet joy. as long as i am anchored in that place i can see all kinds of dark mental clouds appear and say, o, it's weather. and you know what, all weather pass sooner or later. no exception. someone asks a swami, can meditation help me to get over all this negative stuff? without missing a beat he says with a smile and eyes sparkling with conviction, yes, unless you hold on to it. and so it is that i hold on to one thing and one thing only with my dear life. i am light, consciousness and bliss. everything else are weather. the only way i know how to become established in this place is...meditation. i'm happy and content to be a one trick pont

meditation uninterrupted, sort of

after forty days of circumstantial chaos (actually i like the yiddish word mishegas better) i finally get to meditate a couple of hours uninterrupted. sort of. why 'sort of?' because i'm on a colon cleanse. every morning i drink two glasses of liquid before doing anything else. so midway through meditation i feel i have to pee. but then, because i am able to have bowel movement before sitting into easy-lotus posture my meditations have been so much more open, relaxed and relaxing. the physical body is just that much more spacious. so is the subtle body. it makes total sense. there's less 'shit' within, making space for grace to flow through.

facing whatever it is as it is

often, over the  years, i wonder, what's the meaning of acceptance? now i am granted experiences of it. acceptance turns out to be nothing but facing whatever it is as it is, not as what i would like it to be. real and true acceptance involves enthusiasm. there's no place for resentment and half-hearted efforts. okay, so this is what it is? sure, i'll take it and run with it, dive into it, plunge into it, and see what happens.

i'm a saint-in-training

what's my occupation? it comes down to this. what do i want to be? i want to be fully-realized. so what about fully-realized wannabee? that's a possibility. the other day i found out, from my facebook fellow yogi that a holy man in india listed on his hospital chart for his occupation: saint. really, this can only happen in india when practicing saintliness is acceptable as an occupation. anyhow a spark goes off inside me. that's it. 'saint-in-training' is what i'll put down on my hospital chart. or any chart. why can't i aspire to be a saint?! yes, i can. in fact, i am going to put it on my facebook profile.

even fools can have spiritual experiences

have to come out of meditation abruptly. not a pretty sight. lingering headache. at several points in time i catch my attention completely caught up in everything that my own great self is not: impatient, exasperated, wishing things could be different.

but while i am in meditation i am anchored and afloat in this wide open, lovely space within my own being.

no wonder the teacher says, again and again, to the effect, that even fools can have spiritual experiences but what counts is whether i can hold the experience while i am not sitting cross-legged.