i have a vast collection of spectacular jewels

i come to awake this morning into a space and state of thankfulness. and an expansive feeling of quiet contentment that is pulsing with the sense 'wow. i am alive.'

in meditation i hear this, the major earthquake is abating, there'll be aftershocks, there are devastation like the tensions accumulated in your body. before i share this with hwubby, he says, i have a feeling the storm is passing.

indeed. and this too shall pass. and all this is grace. as i type this i see, in inner vision, a lapis lazuli in all its azure blue glory sprinkled sparely with golden sparks. i have such a vast collection of spectacular jewels and they go wherever i go.

i'm a saint-in-training

what's my occupation? it comes down to this. what do i want to be? i want to be fully-realized. so what about fully-realized wannabee? that's a possibility. the other day i found out, from my facebook fellow yogi that a holy man in india listed on his hospital chart for his occupation: saint. really, this can only happen in india when practicing saintliness is acceptable as an occupation. anyhow a spark goes off inside me. that's it. 'saint-in-training' is what i'll put down on my hospital chart. or any chart. why can't i aspire to be a saint?! yes, i can. in fact, i am going to put it on my facebook profile.

possibilities are like sparks within lapis lazuli

this morning's meditation is magnificent. i go deeper and higher than i recall i ever have. the inner being is so vast, so pristine, so strongly quiet, so clear and light. it is not sheltered by the body. on the contrary, the body is within this subtle yet tangible conscious realm. as awareness rests and roams in this i realize i am having an experience of what 'being refreshed' means. there's a sense of opening everywhere in the entire being. from this place i look at how i was shocked into panic by an unexpected development. now i can see its root cause is a deeply-rooted conditioning, that the reality that i find myself in is the only reality. this illusion is a killer. it blocks grace. it blinds out peripheral vision. it renders me incapable to see possibilities and openings sparkling the way delicate golden sparks are embedded within lapis lazuli.
the moment i recognize this i lift my awareness out of that lower vantage point. my inner vision opens up. i am once again in the clear sky of pure consciousness. hey, this twist actually points the way to do something that previously i thought i couldn't pursue. the limitation is dissolved.

happy anniversary, hwubby and suk wah.

i am unconventional. period.

basking in the early afternoon sunshine under the clear sky in the lovely hotel courtyard i am so proud of myself and settled in the shade of the inner sky. i have reconstructed the lost recordings. along the way i pick up a few fresh sparks that, in my editor's words, are out-of-the-box, unconventional and beautiful in the way only i can make it work. in fact, on more than one occasions as we go through the pages, she says, i never thought this could work but it works. one time she points to a specific thing and says, i love this, is this a chinese literature thing? or your thing? not missing a beat i say, it's my thing.

i am unconventional. period. hwubby, one of a kind, that's for sure. now that i know it i have to write it and live it.

this morning's meditation is a simple and clear experience of inner quiet and clarity. that's who i am. that's my inner self. that's the source of all fresh things. writer's block? what's that?

a basketball dream

great dream. a widely watched basketball final game is about to take place. i just finished speaking my mind in a direct and straightforward way to hwubby and muimui, my younger sister who died young. then the captains of both teams come to ask my blessings. i give each man a gemstone, one yellow-gold, one saffron-gold. what happens next in the dream is i find myself on my own getting to the game. i have to go through a long, narrow, dark alleyway of sorts. the moment i step onto the path i see rivers and floods of cockroaches along the wire fence running down the lane as far as eyes can see. the passageway is narrow. i have to get onto the fence, hang onto it with hands and feet and inch forward. out of nowhere wild dogs with sharp teeth get up close on the other side of the fence. but i don't feel like giving up at all. i just keep going. in the final scene i'm outside the ballpark. a nice guy from my university days comes up and says, you'll sit on the uppermost bench but, don't worry, you'll see. i nod but, within myself, i know i have a front row seat waiting for me.

i wake up. a few sparks come, one for a specific sentence, another for adding story to the upcoming plot twist, yet another is how to streamline the first chapter.

i feel really nice. very settling. i think i'm moving into a rhythm.