worry is toxic. inner sky is ever bright.

so-and-so says, please call this person, she is worried. honestly i have no problem calling anybody. but the energy of 'worry' is dark and toxic. it is fear-based. not only that it doesn't help anything and goes nowhere it actually pulls you down, drains you and veils your vision so you don't see what you ought to see. it really makes things worse. hwubby is on a long road to recovery. my back is hurting. i have to conserve and protect whatever energy i have to make sure he is on an irreversible path to full recovery and i am taking as much care as i can of myself. truly, the only unfailing source of comfort comes from meditation. there is this wave upon wave of comfort gently arising from deep within permeating everywhere, washing over the exhausted body, going right into the bones and beyond. i eat it everyday. never tire of it. this is what truly nourishes me. this is what keeps me going. this is what holds me in proper perspective of things. nothing diminishes or adds to my inner self. clouds of worry may bring about a downcast. but it's an illusion. my inner sky is ever bright.

have i mentioned worry blocks grace? if i have, this is to remind myself that it does. big time.

possibilities are like sparks within lapis lazuli

this morning's meditation is magnificent. i go deeper and higher than i recall i ever have. the inner being is so vast, so pristine, so strongly quiet, so clear and light. it is not sheltered by the body. on the contrary, the body is within this subtle yet tangible conscious realm. as awareness rests and roams in this i realize i am having an experience of what 'being refreshed' means. there's a sense of opening everywhere in the entire being. from this place i look at how i was shocked into panic by an unexpected development. now i can see its root cause is a deeply-rooted conditioning, that the reality that i find myself in is the only reality. this illusion is a killer. it blocks grace. it blinds out peripheral vision. it renders me incapable to see possibilities and openings sparkling the way delicate golden sparks are embedded within lapis lazuli.
the moment i recognize this i lift my awareness out of that lower vantage point. my inner vision opens up. i am once again in the clear sky of pure consciousness. hey, this twist actually points the way to do something that previously i thought i couldn't pursue. the limitation is dissolved.

happy anniversary, hwubby and suk wah.

drink mid-autumn moon

snap awake two-thirty. three words appear in the clear inner quiet. mid autumn moon. i get up, look out the window and up. there she is, the dinner plate moon with a wide, misty aura. i say to hwubby, let's go drink the moon. we bundle up, step onto the back deck, sit down and bask in the moonshine. every breath i take is cool, light and comforting. i feel the warmth of hwubby's embrace and lock gaze with the moon. suddenly the gentle luminosity of the full moon switches into dazzling brilliance. only then i realize there has been cloud passing between my eye and the moon. i watch the luminosity level of the moon shift from moment to moment. yet without a doubt the fullness of the moon's radiance has not changed. it's the passing clouds that create the illusion that there is a dip in the glow. this is revelatory. the light of my inner self is ever fresh, ever full, ever bright. it's the clouds of thoughts, feelings and emotions that create the illusions that i am anything less and smaller than the full moon of the inner self.