being breathed in sabbath. 45m + 33m

upswells of cool, fresh buzz from deep within wash thru all corners and shores of the body and mind. wave by wave the throbbing hum fill up the fingers and arms. one by one the tasks that need to be taken care of today emerge in a certain order. the focus of the day becomes clear.

in torah study, hwubby comments, in sabbath i feel like taking a pause from a hectic pace and being breathed.

indeed i have no control over how many breaths i can have and when i will have the last one. recognizing that i can relax into the invisible hands of the inner self and move with the easy breath. remembering that helps me to sustain a sense of healthy detachment from the drama, see through the fog of emotions and thoughts. anchoring my awareness in my inner self holds me steady in the present moment.

someone in the study asks, will people still be workhaholic if they observe sabbath? everybody laugh.

what comes to me is that when i keep the inner space open as a vessel and transmitter for the force of healing and transformation i will know the appropriate thing to do and i will move or rest accordingly. hey, after all, what is my inner self but part and parcel of the force of healing and transformation. god dwells within me as me. halleluja.

be a natural b. 45m + 21m

humming and enjoying the buzz in the lips. buzz in the cheeks. buzz up the nose. buzz cruises around the crown of head. buzz filling up the fingers, palms and arms till they are buoyant balloons of gentle, soothing ocean waves.

that's a new practice of mine. in a way the mind cannot comprehend it makes my meditation that much  sweeter. so simple yet it's strong enough to hold the mind in this quiet, spacious place of the inner self. from here i hum along and watch emotions, thoughts and memory come by and wave them goodbye. i have no intention to let them stick around.

it is so natural to sit quietly like this. i say to hwubby, it feels natural now but it has taken so much work to get here, just to be natural. with a twinkle sparkling off his gorgeous lips, he says, don't be sharp, don't be flat, be natural.

ease into it. ease into it. 45m + 22m

ease into it.

that's what comes to me as i glide into waking state at 2.45am. the inaudible sound of the message reaches beyond the physical ears. it reverberates in sync with the rhythmic movement of the chest being moved by the easy and deep breath. its vibration circulate in all corners of my consciousness.

what does it mean? in a way, the answer is in the three words of the message. but, equally important, what is it referring to?

this comes to me with the next inhalation. it is in connection with what my editor refers to as 'the frame of mind' that i need to have. my twin goals are pumping up forward momentum and guiding the characters to blossom. so it's not about how much of the book i can keep but, simply, what works.

how to ease into it? and, really, ease into what?

as i sit nice and tall in my easy lotus posture i watch the veil of restlessness and agitation dissolve into a resounding resonance that goes, in the end it has to come from within.

aaah. i have what it takes to get the job done. i know what to do. this is the opportunity to cultivate trust in the inner self.

jewels and toilet. 45m + 31m

i come out of meditation, look at the timer and think, wow, it's more than an hour, it's much better than the last few days.

before the thought rolls into another thought and then another i see what's happening. it's the residual tendency to judge, to compare. each meditation is what each meditation is.

then i remember the dream from last night.

ashram schedule from ancient time. inner pandora. 38m + 10m

i say to my spiritual practice buddies, i described to swamiji what we do here, hymn to kundalini, hymn to rudra, omming, meditating, and so on and so forth, and swamiji says, this is ashram schedule from ancient time.

amidst everybody's hearty laughter shivaa says, did you tell her eating is the main thing?

inner self moves me to a wonderland. 39m + 18m

just when i am about to begin humming after doing the last round of aum japa i watch a fascinating thing happen. a subtle swooping motion swirls through me. it's powerful and gentle all at once. there's nothing scary about it at all. in fact i feel safe and secure. my easy lotus posture is stable and sturdy. the breath is easy and steady.

i sort of digress.

anyway, what happens next is a sweet surprise. i watch my mouth and jaw launch into one yawny breath after another. i also watch how effortlessly the back of neck stay long and relaxed. the overall effect is this. there are tensions lodged deep within the neck. each yawny breath reaches into the region a little further. some alchemy takes place. i can feel the stubborn tightening loosen creating space. now the breath can really flow through.

it's a wonderful state to be in. my inner self really knows what it's doing. i just have to stay open, stay out of its way.

inner self informs me on all kinds of things. hockey too. 39m + 27m

today is a yummy meditation. literally. because the intense aroma of simmering ginger lamb soup on the stove soak my consciousness, infusing the body and mind with a satisfying buzz that go really well with the extended resonance of aum.

i love the ginger lamb combo.