for suk wah it is huge progress

going places is fun. being with kind and wonderful people is a delight. having said that i have to admit that there's nothing like back on my own meditation mat and meditate away. bar none. i am saying this from my own experience. i was in a safari back when most of the world didn't know what this word was. unless they've read hemmingway. by the way, it is truly an astonishing discovery to see elephant running in the wild. i did not know they could run this fast. and speaking of delight. that's how i feel when i wake up in the room high up on a tree and see this sweet giraffe face passing by the window. nonetheless the sweetness passing through me in gentle waves deep in meditation is beyond comparison. as i revel in the elegance of my upright and steady posture more than an hour into sitting i recall vividly the elegance of the hippopotamus swimming like a masterful ballerina in the depths of lake.

so do i want to go to a safari again? i don't know. this much i know for sure about my life now. i need quite a bit of equipment to support my posture. a suitcase of them. i have the tahoe trips to prove it. so when a trip involves air travel i have to go into alternate modes of meditation. meaning i have to sit in a chair, lie horizontal on a hotel bed, or whatever bed i happen to be in.

also because of evening activities i have to get up later and meditate less than i do at home. so with this observation i am happy to congratulate myself. suk wah, your discrimination and willpower have definitely improved. your capability to make choices that are for long term benefit has come a long way. i am serious. this involves hard and difficult decision. like when i am offered a fantastic cheese at dinner i have to say no. okay, i admit i cannot say no outright. but i don't munch on the cheese like a squirrel. i only have a couple of bites. and that, for suk wah, is huge progress.

doubting, second-guessing are spiritual killers

just one thought could rock the inner boat. case in point. we signed a bunch of important papers in the morning. it was the culmination of two months of hard work and masterminding. i felt tremendous relief. until in the afternoon when i caught myself already in a thought wave of doubting and second-guessing. i should have...what if i didn't... there was a time when i would be so caught up in it that this broken record was stuck in the mind for days and weeks. this time around i catch myself looking at it and the power of sustained spiritual efforts lift my perception to a higher vantage point. an inner message appears. this is not you. drop it and forget about it. so i summon the will and intention to kick them out into the field of pure consciousness. i keep doing it for a little while like scrubbing hard stains on the kitchen floor. i take a pause and scan the inner state. the negative thought wave is much weaker than before. it is now a lingering whisper hovering in the far horizons of awareness.

very soon after i settle into this morning's meditation i experience this message. meditation reveals my worthiness. it is pure. my own greatness is unaffected by anything. i feel this surge of strength from deep within the belly. with that i notice the inbreaths becoming even deeper and the outbreaths longer. just like that i relax into my own mystical world.  my own grace draws grace. great things happen. i see grace absorbing all that negative tendency. the mental mirror is a little clearer and cleaner.

inner self is the best planner

planned to be in tahoe for 3 days. ended up 10 days. i'm not complaining. it's a heavenly place and i made progress with the rewrites. having said that i am aware of the piles of worldly tasks that await. so in this morning's meditation i have to really summon that thing called willpower, which comes from the inner self, to pull back attention from being sucked into worrying and anxious thoughts. after a while i am settled into the flow of the sound of the easy breath while watching the mental activity come and go. the outbreaths are so long and deep and releasing. each exhalation takes away a little more of the worrying tendency that is based in the sense of separateness from the inner self. i emerge from meditation knowing i am in a calm state, my true state. the body is relaxed. i see what task needs to be taken care in this moment. preparations for spiced milk, tea, lamb bone soup. as i am mortaring the spices and chopping ginger i see the essential to-do for the two weeks ahead. solid and clear. this is effortless planning.

i feel much better. thanks so much, my inner self. you're the best planner.