Friday, November 12, 2010

doubting, second-guessing are spiritual killers

just one thought could rock the inner boat. case in point. we signed a bunch of important papers in the morning. it was the culmination of two months of hard work and masterminding. i felt tremendous relief. until in the afternoon when i caught myself already in a thought wave of doubting and second-guessing. i should have...what if i didn't... there was a time when i would be so caught up in it that this broken record was stuck in the mind for days and weeks. this time around i catch myself looking at it and the power of sustained spiritual efforts lift my perception to a higher vantage point. an inner message appears. this is not you. drop it and forget about it. so i summon the will and intention to kick them out into the field of pure consciousness. i keep doing it for a little while like scrubbing hard stains on the kitchen floor. i take a pause and scan the inner state. the negative thought wave is much weaker than before. it is now a lingering whisper hovering in the far horizons of awareness.

very soon after i settle into this morning's meditation i experience this message. meditation reveals my worthiness. it is pure. my own greatness is unaffected by anything. i feel this surge of strength from deep within the belly. with that i notice the inbreaths becoming even deeper and the outbreaths longer. just like that i relax into my own mystical world.  my own grace draws grace. great things happen. i see grace absorbing all that negative tendency. the mental mirror is a little clearer and cleaner.

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