not yet. i will.

i am a little more baked. why do i say that? how do i know that? i can hear a teaching over and over for a long period of time. every time it's like, yeeeah, yeeeeah, yeeeah, riiiiight. case in point is this one. the yogic scriptures say the individual mind is a contracted manifestation of the supreme consciousness from which the entire physical universe that was, is and ever will be, arise. and therefore the individual mind has that kind of power which is essentially same as that from which stars, planets, galaxies, meteors burst forth. the only difference is scale. at one point, i think it's last year, and also several years prior, i even study this particular sutra. i learn its sound in sanskrit. i pore over the commentary. but meanwhile i am still pervasively affected by this recurring thought. i can't hold the whole book. i'm gonna lose it. i don't know how i am gonna finish it. think about it. imagine supreme consciousness says, hmmm, no, i can't make something one million times the mass of the earth. by the way, that happens to be the sun.

a couple of days ago i come across this teaching from another source. this time something deep within me echoes and moves. i still see the recurring thought. but i also see a steady surge of will and clarity along with this message. i don't have everything figured out. not yet. i will. i feel this refreshed and renewed reverence for the power of my mind. in its universal form it creates flowers, birds, waterfalls, meadows, rainbows, vegetables, fruits, all kinds of wonderful, marvelous and delicious things. of course my mind has the power to produce a wonderful, marvelous and delicious novel. of course. how can it be otherwise.

this all happens very quietly as i sip ginger tea. is this a breakthrough? an a-ha moment? light bulb moment? i suppose i could call it all that. but it is the fruit of years of baking off the mental bondage.