brain collision. brain oxygen

there i am immersed in book rewrites. well, actually, not exactly rewriting but restructuring, reconfiguring the way the narrative flows and fleshing out certain aspects that are not written out in the current manuscript. in particular the immortals world. there are scenes of it but i wouldn't exactly say i have painted a world with characters. what has all this got to do with brain collision? what happens is i am working at seeing what's going on where in that world, who's saying what and doing what and .... hwubby pokes through the door and asks, do we have a record of who we sent books to for the back-to-school email blast? boom, and i am not exaggerating, there goes my brain and eye. i look at him. my mind is in the middle of nowhere. i have completely lost that world and this one too. a total train wreck above neck.

back when i was in vaidyagrama i had bloodwork done. the results show that i am just below normal regarding levels of red blood cells and hemoglobin. fascinating. because the blood work done in the states showed that i am 'within range' and i was told that i was fine, not anemic. since then, and i am not kidding, i have been getting a recurring message from within that says one word, oxygen. i immediately knew what that means. i need more oxygen into the brain.

okay, suk wah, what are you talking about, what's the connection here? bear with me a little bit. so when i was in new york, my sister-in-law insisted on me seeing her chinese doctor. i went. here's something amazing about blending wisdom from the east and knowledge from the west. dr sun put something on my fingertip. it's a small device that fits like a cap. after a few seconds a number shows up. dr sun takes one look at it and says, you don't have enough oxygen.

so here's my inner wisdom telling me. this brain collision experience has something to do with the reality that i need more oxygen in the brain. right now i'm going through a chinese herb regimen prescribed by dr sun. i'm already feeling some difference. at least i am sure that it's not that i am lazy. there is a situation in my body that needs to be fine-tuned. i have to be strong enough to go back and forth between the worlds.

anyway, a chinese doing ayurveda and taking chinese herbs with the data from western medicine. how cool is that. how fortunate i am.

olympics, meditation

at this stage in my life i am appreciating the olympics through the eye of a meditator, someone who wants to attain self-realization. huuuuf, there i said it. by the way, am i going for the impossible? hey, why not aim for the highest.

as i revel in the performances of olympians this is what goes thru the mind. wow, such resolve and determination they have. what sacrifices they have endured to come to this point. so much blood, sweat and tears they must have poured forth over a long period of time. i hear that michael phelps practiced all days of the year for years. i know i ought not to compare. but i really can't say i have been doing what i need to do as a spiritual student with that kind of unyielding, uncompromising tenacity and focus. for a start, i meditate six days a week, sometimes even five. on one hand i say to myself, you have to be gentle with yourself. on another hand, using a metaphor, do i want to skip having food for a day?

soon after seeing this thought i realize a couple of things. first, don't compare. just don't. it's toxic. if i had to compare, why don't i compare with my own progress, how far i have come. look at these gorgeous fruits. the plants bear fruits  in their own pace. do i ever say this makes one fruits better than the other?

second, to realize the self is a life goal. it is smart and wise to treat the body and mind in such a way that i can sustain doing the practices and study over the course of a lifetime. self-realization is not a quadrennial event with a fixed deadline.

thirdly, and sweetly, i don't have to wait until completely and irrevocably self-realized to enjoy the fruit.  on the contrary as i continue to do the practices regularly sweetness keep arising from within. the sweetness of strength, the sweetness of courage, the sweetness of contentment, that golden experience of being satisfied and fulfilled, tasting the priceless gem of love.

so much gold within

a dream of gold. a teaching dream. in the dream i am in a holy event. the participants sit around tables with assigned seating. there are no name cards. just some gold jewelry that belong to that person. so there i am, going around to search for my seat. i am sure i had put down my jewelry to save myself a seat. i go around table to table. while i am admiring all those golden splendor, o how gorgeous that piece is, o how spectacular this bracelet looks, i cannot find my jewelry. i wake up filled with the question, where is my jewelry, where is my seat? at the same time the images of all those beautiful gold stay with me. as i type this i can still see the purity of all that gold, the masterful design and craftsmanship of them all.

what is this about? i go into morning meditation with this question. very quickly a message comes from within. in the form of a question. who do you think those gold belong to? bing, bong, boom, i get it. all that gold are within me. they don't belong to anyone else. they are part of me, part of who i am. just like that my understanding shifts dramatically and expands exponentially. why do i have to search for gold and find a place to sit when i already have a storehouse of gold within and the most sublime seat in my own heart. 

panchakarma is not spa. vacation? nope. retreat? nope.

the most frequent response when my friends hear i went to india for panchakarma goes like this. o, you were on vacation, suk wah? i say, no. they say, in a retreat in an ashram? i say, no. they then say, you were in a spa? again, no. i don't blame them. how could they have known that hwubby and i were actually in a hospital. 

most people in the west know little about the 5000 year old medicinal system in india and close to nothing about panchakarma. sure there are spas and places in the west that say they do panchakarma. but in the west, for all kinds of reasons, they do panchakarma lite at best and  treatments that are diluted or tweaked, or simply, panchakarma in name only. authentic panchakarma involves intense medical treatments that are customized for the patient's condition and have to be executed and closely monitored by ayurveda doctors and trained therapists in a hospital setting. they are done strictly according to the classical ayurveda literature. 

durings the intake process dr harikrishnan wanted to see all of hwubby's medical reports and given the car accident there were quite a pile of them. dr harikrishnan reviews them carefully, examines hwubby, asks questions, lots of questions, and then design a program of treatments that are tailored for him. mine is different because i have different conditions that the doctor has to take care of. during the most intense treatments which went on for a few weeks for hwubby, dr harikrishnan would come to hwubby's bedside to check on him frequently starting 6 am when the treatment begins. 

medicines three times a day or more. the first dose begins at 6 am. treatments everyday. people from the west would ask, why don't you give me more treatments in a day so i don't have to stay that many weeks? doctor would say, can you take three days of food in one? you need to give the body and mind the time to digest and assimilate a treatment. 


strict diet co-ordinated with treatments. there's a list of things that you are asked not to do during treatments, e.g. you are not supposed to be under the sun or wind during treatments. there is a network of shaded walkways for patients to walk gently around. internet activity is not encouraged at all, to say it mildly. hwubby had to sneak around in order to work with his clients on the phone or skype. dr harikrishnan is really not happy seeing him doing such things. he is a gentle soul but it is evident that he doesn't approve of it. what to do. these americans, they do whatever they want anyway. eventually hwubby gives in and puts a stop to phone and email for a few days. give it up to him. it's a huge surrender on his part.

authentic panchakarma is no walk in the park.  seriously. just think of it as doing surgery, major surgery. 

in the wilderness. numbers. vaidyagram

The simple days in vaidyagrama. washing clothes and putting them up on the clothesline become kind of a benchmark in my schedule. like, i started drinking ghee the day i did the last washing.what i want to say is kind of weird but as hwubby says, you are weird, accept it, so what to do but take myself as i am, all of the weirdness. what i want to say is,  as i study the book of numbers which is what we are doing now according to the cyclical design of torah study, i experience what the ancient rabbis said. by the way the hebrew name of this book actually means 'in the wilderness.' don't ask me why it is titled 'numbers' in english. i'm not a bible scholar. anyway this book is about what happens when the israelites are doing in those forty years in the desert. by and large they live by the direct command of the lord who guides them as a pillar of fire. when the fire pillar moves they pack up and move accordingly. when the fire pillar stops that's where they pitch their tents.  for food, manna come down from the sky. it tastes however one desires it to be. one of the ways of the rabbis look at this phase is, those are such marvelous days, we have such direct connection with the lord. somehow this reading resonates with me. as far as i am concerned, in a simple setting, following a simple routine has the power to turn attention within. okay, i am aware that it has not always been this way. for a long time a simple schedule would drive the mind nuts. but, boom, years later, here i am, thoroughly reveling in the sublime sweetness of act such as carefully spreading out a piece of clothing.

 the greens around me are not manicured lawns and landscaped gardens but rather like wilderness. dr ramkumar, one of the founders, is determined to create a forest setting, mimicking as much as possible how the ancient sages dwell. so, in a way, i am in the wilderness when i am in vaidyagrama. the sense of timelessness is pervasive. i love it.

swamiji makes learning so much fun

when we decided to go to vaidyagrama to do panchakarma, and mind you, it was after a couple of years of searching for the right place for this purpose, i thought it would be fantastic if i could just get some great panchakarma. but then, of course, i forgot that a great place attracts great people - a little shout out for myself :). naturally an unintended consequence is hwubby and i have met some marvelous people during our six and half weeks there. including swami pratyagbhodhananda, a teaching swami.

i'm, in the heart of hearts, a bhakta, not a jnani. i don't know anything about vedanta. but i can safely say this much. i know a good teacher when i am around one. for me, a good teacher makes learning a lot of fun. okay, i'm not saying i study vedanta with swami pratyagbodhananda. i just was there when he gave a couple of talks. i like this guy a lot. how can i not when, as part of introducing him, he is referred to as the one who says, the food here is colorless, odorless and tasteless. his full moon face becomes a super full moon overflowing with laughter upon hearing this. i am not exaggerating when i say he is a sweet swami. the simple saffron bag he carries on his shoulder always has a baggie of sweets within. really nice ones too. chocolates. ginger candy. right off the bat of his first talk he says, i'm not in top form because i did not have my afternoon tea. by tea he does not mean the herbal drink vaidyagrama provides in the afternoons. swamiji means the real deal, fine chai. by the way he knows exactly where to get a good cup of chai in coimbatore. back to his teaching. even in a state deprived of 'afternoon tea' he manages to do some shining teaching. he is one of those fine ones who can teach through telling a story. his comedic timing is spot on. i'm not saying teachers should make students laugh but laughter infuses learning sublime scriptures with fun and ease.

you see, when we crack up mental activity stops in their tracks. the mind quiets down and becomes totally still. what happens then? the light of our innermost and highest self shines forth. it is sweet. it is joyous. it is a sense of deep peace. then the teaching in the story simply shine through the mental cracks and touch our hearts. we recognize the truth, we are receptive to the teaching and we laugh some more.

well, it definitely helps his approval rating, as far as i am concerned, that he and hwubby are like brothers and he says, your wife is an even more wonderful person than you are. you go, swamiji. i love you! a special shout out to vaidyagrama. left to myself i would never have met a vedanta swami.

himalayas come to us

this hair cut happens five weeks into our panchakarma at vaidyagrama. what's cool about this is that during the main treatments we are not allowed to cut hair, shave nor trim nails. really. i have never seen hwubby with a beard till then. that jew-fro is growing wild and happy. so why is that? according to ayurveda, the knowledge of health, wellbeing and longeity, nails and hair are wastes. their growth is part and parcel of the elimination and cleansing and purification process.

so on this sunday a barber from a neighboring village comes in and does his thing. i love it. when doctor harik comes in the next morning he says, nice cut, it's a boy cut. well, exactly how i would have liked it. what about hwubby. check this out.

gorgeous, huh. by the way, the guy he is with is shankar bhau. by-by the way, bhau is their endearing way of calling a friend 'brother.' sharkar bhau is the priest in a distinguished temple 11,000 feet up on himalayas. on november 15 of each year he would close the temple for winter. the last thing he does is to put enough ghee in a lamp so that it will keep ablaze thru out winter. this man, i'm telling you, is overflowing with joy and devotion. he blesses the mala that is around hwubby's neck. hwubby loves, loves, loves him. so do i. when he hums a vedic mantra i can feel the power that flows through five thousand years, that sources from before time and will go on as long as there is time. ever fresh. ever full. ever potent. he makes the prasad for the new year day puja. as i type this i am tasting the sweet vibration in that heavenly sweet.

see how fortunate we are. we don't have to go to himalayas. himalayas come to us. so let's chant.