1 hr 40 m, daughter of the ocean

sit down to meditate with the mind stuck in a tune from a hong kong tv variety show, enjoy yourself tonight. 'work crazy hard all day, till the time to loosen up and lighten up, after dinner, have to rest and pause, everybody get together happily, we have a good show for you, laughter, shooting breeze, let's keep you company.'

i watch the melody and lyrics play over and over. i realize it's only going to feed into its momentum if i try to yank it out of my mind. what should i do? first, i have to acknowledge that it stands for a certain time in my life, and for quite a while, i totally identify with all that's outside of me. right now this habitual tendency is staging a comeback. fighting it this is like trying to fight the ocean waves and wound up getting thrown around and battered.

the thing i ought to do, and the only thing that comes to mind, when i see the waves rolling in, is to get out of the way and dive into the depths of the ocean of consciousness.

the initial rounds of aum are hard. i keep losing the sound thread. i hold on to the pearl aum beads, keep stumbling along one bead at a time. eventually the grip that the foam of time has around my neck starts loosening, and i, slowly but steadily, little by little, become immersed in the rhythmic sound of the coming out and going in of the breath. every outgoing breath washes out a little bit more of the hard stains of the past.

the cumulative impact eventually reaches a tipping point beyond which my entire physical and mental being settle into a vast place of calm and still waters that gently pulsate warm vitality. every now and then i hear bits and pieces of the show tune murmuring way out there hovering on the periphery of the ocean of consciousness.

i am not the habitual tendency. i am not the waves. i am not the foam. i am the daughter of the ocean, the ocean of consicousness.