a little deeper

i'm thumbing through a pile of papers in the midst of taking care of a challenging, difficult situation, and what catches my eye? a clipping from hubby, my horoscope for this week. a few words jump out at me. 'serious challenges to your calm behavior.' hey, it nails my day in the bull's eye. the pithy advice says, maintain your cool by refusing to engage in negativity of any kind, be positive and you will stay that way.

it is solid advice, no question about it. but i would dig a little deeper, go a step further. i don't need to refuse. all i have to do is watch it, knowing that it will go away unless i hang on to it. in a sense, 'refusing to engage' is already being sucked into the negativity. in my own experience, it can be exhausting just to refuse to engage, kind of like climbing uphill against a wild snowstorm. 'watching' is not like 'a deer caught in the headlight'. 'paying attention' is not the same as 'reacting' to emotions and thoughts. rather, i find it's like staying in the present while being aware of the negativity, or positivity, playing out through me. really it's the same blueprint as meditating, continue to sit quietly while all kinds of mental ripples and foam are tumbling through. truly speaking, good thoughts are as distracting as bad thoughts. i can't remember how many times i got lost in pleasurable projections and came out of meditation exhausted.

also, not that being positive is not good...but i don't want to be a pollyanna either. i'd rather be sitting stable and steady in the middle of the seesaw of good and bad, taking care of what need to be taken care of in a cool and balanced manner. in it but not caught up in it. it's a big difference, subtle too.