Tuesday, August 30, 2011

all this grandeur are within me.

i awake at three thirty. the body is still soaking in the massage the evening prior. the mind is filled with the sweet and gentle warmth of the bed. i fall back asleep and dream. how to capture it in one sentence? a big, bold nightmare that flips into the sublime. here it is. i run like crazy from someone who wants to rob me. it's dark but the roads are wide and open. periodically i look back. the guy is still after me but i am ahead. earlier in the dream hwubby and i are examining some jewelry. all set with diamonds of all colors. yellow. pink. so vivid. so crystal clear. i can't take my eyes off a tiny evening clutch bedecked with pink diamonds. a really adorable little thing and i know hwubby is getting it for me. in the dream the thought that goes through me is this. i don't really need this. i keep it as a thought. there are thoughts that are better left unsaid. anyway, getting back to the dream. i am just about bursting with exasperation not knowing when i could stop running like this and the anguish vanish. i am at peace with what it is. i run with a deep sense of calm. now i notice how grand the urban landscape is around me. i am able to appreciate its scale. how sparkling the roads are. before i know it darkness becomes light. i am chanting in a dazzlingly white room with sky high ceiling with my guru. a simple, beautiful chant praising the guru principle that exists in all. every tiny lilt lifts the ceiling a little higher. the momentum of the chant builds and builds and the room becomes bigger and bigger. it all seems so natural.

what's my point here? all this grandeur, all this brightness and all this beauty are within me. what else is not, really.

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